Do you ever feel like there is a war going on in your head? This article is for all the readers that wish they could get out of their own heads and achieve their heart’s desires.
As a therapist and life coach, I hear stories from my clients that all boil down to negative, intrusive thoughts. Negative thinking is a survival strategy that is hard-wired into our brains. It causes us to look for what is wrong, so that we may protect ourselves from threats.
The trouble is that our thoughts actually can create our reality. This is why so many people suffer from both depression and anxiety. Depression is a negative focus that creates guilt and shame for events in our past; anxiety, on the other hand, is a fear of things to come.
Chronic negative thinking leads to depression that numbs your body from feeling fear, at the expense of becoming numb to other emotions, such as happiness and love. Here are three voices in your head that can stop you from accomplishing your goals—and how to manage them.
Making Sense of These 3 Voices in Your Head
Voice #1: “I Don’t Deserve To Be Loved!”
This voice creeps into our hearts after experiencing trauma and/or heartache. For example:
- I don’t deserve to be loved because I messed up my previous relationship.
- I don’t deserve to be loved because my parents abandoned me.
- I don’t deserve to be loved because no one has loved me before.
- I don’t deserve to be loved…
This thought pattern gets so many people in trouble. This dialogue hurts our self-esteem. It results in us NOT trying, in giving up and/or settling for less.
Ultimately, these voices in your head can lead you to stop taking care of yourself. It may also cause substance abuse or feeding negative addictions. This thought pattern leads to missed opportunities as well.
Has anyone ever met a love interest that was like someone they have never met before? Maybe you have a friend that lets the good ones go for that bad apples. Just think about that love interest that is attentive, gentle, and really cares.
Have you or your friend seemed completely confused and unsure? Are you or that person experiencing difficulty understanding why you are resisting the relationship so fiercely?
So, what is happening here? Often we get so caught up in what we felt that we never truly look inside and see why loving this person is so hard. Fear creeps in and gets you stuck in those bad relationship cycles. Allow me to give you a thought and affirmation to re-direct this negative voice:
“Everyone in this world is worthy of love – and that includes you.”
There is an abundance of love out there. The first rule to receiving abundant love is to love thyself. Self-love is in your control. The more love you show yourself, the more love that signals to others to give you.
Pamper yourself. Tell yourself every day how great and worthy you are. Get your rest, eat right, etc. Love is a choice that you can make every day. If you can love yourself deeply and truly, you will generate plenty of love for yourself and the world around you.
Voice #2: “I regret it.”
Holding on to regret is an easy place to get stuck in. Some examples:
- I regret the day I met him.
- I regret not finishing school.
- I regret not spending enough time with this person, etc.
Holding on to regret and replaying that negative thought will almost certainly keep you stuck. The danger here is getting stuck in regret and giving away our power to pursue what we are longing for.
Regret is NOT a stamp that we must wear on our forehead. It is just a feeling. Feelings change and evolve. I will give you a thought and affirmation to re-direct this negative voice:
“I choose to trust in the process of life by not living in regret.”
Feelings of regret allow us to discover our desires, needs, or truth. Once we tap into these feelings, we can then transform that negative emotion into action. If you regret not finishing school, for instance, this signals that you have a deep-seated desire to further your education.
It is time to transform that negative thought into a new reality. Life is short. Don’t let the negative voices in your head cycle around and around. Stay true to yourself.
Voice #3: “I’m not ready!”
This goes out to all of my perfectionists out there. Who out there is ever truly ready?
Opportunities often come at the most inconvenient times. Just think about the times you have been called to teach or explain something that you have not yet mastered. Or how about when we face a decision before we’ve completed all the necessary research?
Rather than waiting until you are 100 percent ready, take that 30 percent as a sign that you have something to start with. This means that at least a part of you is ready than not. It’s the journey, the learning, the road, that has everything to offer.
The experience of getting out there is what builds our character and expertise. Let me give you a thought and affirmation to re-direct this negative voice:
“I am already enough!”
As humans, we associate happiness with achievement. We are always being told what we need to do or be. The reality is, YOU are enough. You have everything you need to accomplish whatever is ahead of you.
It is not about fitting in with a predetermined ideal; but rather, the degree to which you settle into the totality of who you are: beautiful, conquering, lovely you.
Stop listening to the negative voices in your head. The “you” in this moment, right here, right now, is more than enough. This is the true pursuit of happiness.