41 Ron Swanson Quotes From Parks and Recreation

Take a photo with every steak you eat. -Ron Swanson

By Sckylar Gibby-Brown | Updated November 10, 2022

These Ron Swanson quotes from the hit show Parks and Recreation will make you see life differently and inspire you to live your life the way you choose.

Who is Ron Swanson?

Meat-loving libertarian, Ron Swanson, is no stranger to living life to the fullest.

The director of the Parks and Recreation department in Pawnee, Indiana is a mustachioed, macho-man who has a hankering for beef and a passion for freedom.

These Ron Swanson quotes will inspire you to live your life on your own terms.

So, whether that means eating at an all you can eat breakfast buffet, falling in and out of love with a few Tammys, or fishing out your aggression, take a look at these Ron Swanson quotes that will teach you about the meaning of life.

What are the best Ron Swanson quotes about work?

1. “I like Tom. He doesn’t do a lot of work around here. He shows zero imitative. He’s not a team player. He’s never wanted to go that extra mile. Tom is exactly what I’m looking for in a government employee.”

2. “Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish…and feed yourself. He’s a grown man. And fishing’s not that hard.”

3. “You choose a thankless job, you can’t be upset when nobody thanks you. Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness.”

4. “I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible.”

5. “Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.”

6. “Child labor laws are ruining this country.”

“Straight down the middle. No hook, no spin, no fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating.”

7. “I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.”

8. “If there were more food and fewer people, this would be a perfect party.”

9. “I call this turf ‘n’ turf. It’s a 16-ounce T-bone and a 24-ounce porterhouse. Also, whiskey and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American.”

10. “Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait … I worry what you heard was, ‘Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.’ What I said was, give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?”

11. “Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.”

12. “There has never been a sadness that can’t be cured by a breakfast food.”

13. “Strippers do nothing for me. But I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace.

14. “When I eat, it is the food that is scared.”

15. “Fishing is for sport only. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.”

16. “Breakfast food can serve many purposes.”

17. “You had me at ‘Meat Tornado.'”

18. “There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that’s lying about being milk.”

19. “Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream, or be nothing.”

Ron Swanson Quotes about Patriotism

20. “My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he’s allowed to decide is who to nuke. The man is chosen based on some kind of IQ test, and maybe also a physical tournament, like a decathlon. And women are brought to him, maybe…when he desires them.”

21. “There is only one bad word: taxes.”

22 “The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.”

23. “America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other ‘cultures,’ use an atlas or a ham radio.”

24. “History began on July 4, 1776. Everything that happened before that was a mistake.”

Ron Swanson Quotes about Being Emotional

25. “Keep your tears in your eyes where they belong.”

26. “One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it.”

27. “I’ve cried twice in my life. Once when I was 7 and hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li’l Sebastian had passed.”

28. “Crying: acceptable at funerals and at the Grand Canyon.”

29. “Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.”

Ron Swanson Quotes about People

30. “People are idiots.” — Ron Swanson

31. “Friends: one to three is sufficient.” — Ron Swanson

32. “On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time.”

Ron Swansons Life Advice

33. “The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy.”

34. “The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.”

Ron Swansons One Liners From Parks and Recreation

35. “I love being a father but there are a few things I miss: Silence. The absence of noise. One single moment undisturbed by the sounds of a children’s program called Doc McStuffins.”

36. “Enjoy the fact that your royal overlords are a frail old woman and a tiny baby.”

37. April: “Ready?” Ron: “I was born ready. I’m Ron f*cking Swanson.”

38. “Is Star Wars the one with the wizard boy?”

39. “That is a canvas sheet, the most versatile object known to man. It can be used to make tents, backpacks, shoes, stretchers, sails, tarpaulins, and I suppose, in the most dire of circumstances, it can be a surface on which to make art.”

40. “There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut.”

41. “On nights like this when the cold winds blow, the air is awash in the swirling eddies of our dream, come with me and find safe haven in a warm bathtub full of my jazz.”

Do these Ron Swanson quotes inspire you to live life on your terms?

Since the premiere of Parks and Recreation in 2009, Ron Swanson has been sharing his wisdom with the world.

His view on life may be a little unusual, but that is what makes these Ron Swanson quotes so important.

Use these quotes to see life from a different point of view and to inspire you to live your life the way you choose.