The one thing that's holding you back from finding true love
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The one thing that’s holding you back from finding true love

Published on November 3, 2015 12:00 AM EST

Maybe it’s because I’m a female and dreams of our prom nights, weddings, and Valentine’s Days for years to come tend to travel through our minds on a pretty consistent basis. Or maybe it’s because I am hard-wired for feelings of love and belonging.


Either way, the idea of true love consumed most of my day dreams and wishes for my entire life. Disney has a way of projecting true love as a fairy tale. Romantic comedies have their own portrayal of true love resulting from unavoidable indicators or fate and destiny.

The one thing that’s holding you back from finding true love

It’s easy to almost feel angry toward these media outlets- blaming them for giving us unrealistic expectations of what true love really is, leaving us scratching our heads when a relationship ends even though we thought we saw every “sign” that it was right. Hear me out: they’re not wrong.


When people write stories, their inspiration mostly comes from personal experience. This means that what they show us on the screen is a direct result of their own hearts and minds. We put all of our focus on what true love looks like in the movies without taking a moment to really think about the fact that they’re trying to show us what it feels like.


Love is an extremely intangible emotion. It is impossible to solidify its existence, especially in the form of a movie. Even when we try to express our love for someone in words, the only phrase we can really let pass our lips is “I love you” We feel speechless from the feelings in our hearts. We’re in awe of the emotions that are taking over our bodies and we can’t seem to craft it all into words.


I am telling you this whole concept to prepare for the news I am about to break.


The one thing holding you back from true love is your expectation of what love looks like.


If you have never experienced true love, you know that it is difficult to really develop your own expectations of what it should feel like because you are bombarded by everyone else’s experiences of what it might look like.


For me, my true love looks something like this:


  • Watching superhero movies and shows together
  • Taking in the view of an incredible California sunset
  • Tearful “see you laters” at airports
  • Hour-long FaceTime sessions every night
  • Laying around for hours just talking and laughing
  • Hand-written letters
  • Hiking to what seems like the top of the world
  • Cross-country road trips


When you look at my relationship, those are some of the things you will see. For some people that all might sound cliché, boring, stupid, or unattainable. Honestly, I used to be one of those people. That’s okay because if you have not already, you will soon be able to explain what it looks like for you. I say that this will soon be your destiny because you’re reading this article and doing the soul-searching that is required to attract that kind of love to your life.


Our pictures of true love change with our circumstances. One day those tearful airport sessions and FaceTime talks will not be needed because we’ll be able to be with each other every day. Our hiking days may come to an end when we grow old and our bodies may not allow it. However, when it’s true love the aspect that does not change is how we feel.


True love feels a little something like this

  • I miss him all of the time. (Even when I know I’ll see him later that day)
  • When I think about having a family with him, I am overwhelmed with gratitude, love, and excitement
  • There is no judgment for eating an insane amount of food either of us can consume
  • It’s not that I can’t picture my life without him- it’s the fact that when I do my stomach drops and my heart beats of anxiety
  • I constantly feel supported my belief in him never waivers
  • I am constantly motivated to make decisions that will positively affect both of us


Those are just some of the emotions that fill my heart every day. It’s safe to say that if you ask anyone who is deeply in love, their feelings are very similar to those.


I spent so many years yearning for that perfect picture until I realized our pictures of love are framed by feelings of gratitude, joy, calm, and attraction. Once that realization graced my life, I was blessed with the person who gives me those feelings every single day.


So what’s holding you back?

Your expectation of what true love looks like?

Stop searching for the perfect picture of love and seek out the emotions and feelings you want to experience every day.

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