25 Statler and Waldorf Quotes From The Muppets

Everyone looking for a laugh or who loves The Muppets will love these Statler and Waldorf quotes.

Statler and Waldorf are two puppets that resemble old men that Jim Henson created for his series The Muppets.

The two characters are known for their heckling and their grumpy personalities.

Statler and Waldorf received their names from two famous New York City hotels, the Statler Hilton and the Waldorf-Astoria.

We first see Statler and Waldorf in their familiar balcony heckling the rest of the muppets during The Muppet Show in 1975.

Over the years, Jim Henson and other puppeteers have performed the characters for various films and television shows.

Throughout their history, Statler and Waldorf have been well-received by critics and the audiences alike for their sharp and biting but hilarious banter.

Enjoy laughing at these Statler and Waldorf quotes!

Famous Statler and Waldorf Quotes

Check out these quotes from Statler and Waldorf.

1. “I wonder if there is really life on another planet.” — Statler, “Why do you care? You don’t have a life on this one!” — Waldorf

2. “They aren’t half bad.” — Statler, “Nope, they’re ALL bad!” — Waldorf

3. “I wish Gene Kelly would teach me to Charleston.” — Waldorf, “I wish Gene Kelly would drive you to Charleston!” — Statler

4. “Ever heard of pig on bikes?” — Statler, “I’ve never heard of road hogs.” — Waldorf

5. “Wake up! Here come the bikinis!” — Statler, “Oh boy! Let’s synchronize our pacemakers!” — Waldorf

6. “Hey, this is a great way for Fozzie to do his material!” — Waldorf, “Yeah, a moving target is harder to hit!” — Statler

7. “That Johnny Depp is everywhere! What’s he got that I haven’t, besides youth, good looks, virility, fame, wealth.” — Statler, “Functioning kidney, gallbladder, hip.” — Waldorf

8. “That’s what we call a Disney Joke! — Fozzie, “No!! That’s what we call a Dismal Joke!!!” — Statler

9. “Fozzie gets over 200 letters a week!” — Kermit, “Yeah, but if he paid his bills, he wouldn’t get any.” — Statler

10. “You know, the second half of this show reminds me of Aspen. Cause It’s All downhill from here!” — Waldorf

Sarcastic Statler and Waldorf Quotes

These two are famous for their sarcasm, as seen in the next set of quotes!

11. “Does this show constitute as cruelty to animals?” — Statler, “Not unless they’re watching it.” — Waldorf

12. “Why are you yelling bravo? Did you like it that much? — Statler, “Nope; friend of mine, Joe Bravo, he’s sitting in the front row. Bravo!” — Waldorf

13. “There’s a lot to be said about this program.” — Statler, “Too bad you can’t say it on a family show!” — Waldorf

14. “Every week this show looks better to me.” — Statler, “Every week your eyesight gets worse.” — Waldorf

15. “Do you believe in life after death?” — Statler, “Every time I leave this theater.” — Waldorf

16. “Gonzo should quit while he’s ahead” — Statler, “Gonzo should quit while he’s alive!” — Waldorf

17. “He’s trying to drown us! What kind of an act is that?!” — Statler, “An act of mercy!” — Waldorf

Mean Statler and Waldorf Quotes

Check out some of the meaner quotes from this heckling tag team!

18. “Lines, what lines?” — Statler, “On your face you old fool” — Waldorf

19. “You know, there’s nothing like grand opera.” — Statler, “Yep, and that was nothing like it.” — Waldorf

20. “Wake up, you old fool. You slept through the show.” — Statler, “Who’s a fool? You watched it.” — Waldorf

21. “Maybe we are the wrong generation for this kind of comedy?” — Waldorf, “No, the wrong species.” — Statler

22. “Well, how do you like the film?” — Statler, “I’ve seen detergents leave a better film than this.” — Waldorf

23. “Hey, hey, hey! It’s that silly bear!” — Waldorf, “Time for the audience to go elsewhere!” — Statler

24. “You can’t stop the old Fozzie tonight! I’m really cooking! I’m one rare bear!” — Fozzie, “Yeah. You’re a square bear that ought to be served medium-rare.” — Waldorf

25. “Now, tonight, I’m gonna try and put something new in my act.” — Fozzie, “Yeah, like comedy, maybe.” — Statler

Statler and Waldorf’s Personalities

Statler and Waldorf love heckling the muppet characters, especially Fozzie Bear.

Although they like to make fun of the perceived lack of humor from the rest of the muppets, they find themselves hilarious, often laughing at their own quotes.

Although Statler and Waldorf like to complain about the other muppets’ performances, they are in their balcony seats each week to watch the show and to be a part of the show themselves.

Please share these Statler and Waldorf quotes with your family and friends and post any comments about the pair of characters in the comment section below.