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Dark Humor Quotes To Brighten Up Your Day

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These dark humor quotes will have you laughing in no time if you are into that sort of thing.

What makes dark humor so interesting is that it is an acquired taste.

It is not for everyone.

Inconvenient or challenging things happen to all of us.

Comedian Will Rogers noted, “Everything is funny as long as it’s happening to somebody else.”

Tell us your favorite dark humor quote in the comment section below.

What are the benefits of reading these dark humor quotes?

It is human nature to see things this way.

It is awful when you stub your toe at night on the way to the bathroom.

However, someone else stubbing their toe has the potential to become comical, depending on the conditions.

Dark humor is when human beings find sensitive subjects comical or funny.

A few topics that are often the subject of dark humor include:

  • war
  • death
  • disease
  • tragedy
  • the suffering of innocent people

Dark humor makes light of subject matter that is generally considered taboo.

Short dark humor joke quotes

1. “Say what you want about the deaf.” Jimmy Carr

2. “I have a drinking problem. I can’t afford it.” Anonymous

3. “When in doubt, blow something up.” J. Michael Straczynski

4. “My friend died doing what he loved… Heroin.” DeAnne Smith

5. “I’ve been accused of vulgarity. I say that’s bullshit.” Mel Brooks

6. “Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.” Unknown

7. “If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged.” Terry Pratchett

8. “You see, insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” Joseph Kesselring

9. “The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” Al McGuire

10. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” Oscar Wilde

Dark humor quotes disguised as life advice

11. “Prejudice is a great time-saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.” E. B. White

12. “We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for, I don’t know.” W. H. Auden

14. “It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it’s fun and games you can’t see anymore.” James Hetfield

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13. “You have to accept the fact that sometimes you are the pigeon, and sometimes you are the statue.” Claude Chabrol

15. “When your past shows up to haunt you, make sure it comes after supper, so it doesn’t ruin your whole day.” Jay Wickre

16. “Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.” Terry Pratchett

17. “I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.” Johnny Carson

18. “The general plot of life is sometimes shaped by the different ways genuine intelligence combines with equally genuine ignorance.” Lucy Grealy

Dark humor quotes and jokes about death and life

19. “Life doesn’t end. You just run out of road.” Stewart Stafford

20. “Life is like coffee. The darker it gets, the more it energizes.” Ankita Singhal

21. “The most I can hope for is to die in a pose that confuses future archaeologists.” Yahtzee Croshaw

22. “He’d interpreted my move as rudeness, but I thought it would’ve been much ruder to stab him.” Kayla Krantz

23. “I read a report that said 88% of adults trust their doctors – well, 100% of dead people don’t!” Stewart Stafford

24. “The dumber people think you are, the most surprised they’re going to be when you kill them.” William Clayton

25. “Despite my ghoulish reputation, I really have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk.” Robert Bloch

26. “When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.” Will Rogers

27. “Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.” Anton Chekhov

28. “In 5-billion years, the Sun will expand & engulf our orbit as the charred ember that was once Earth vaporizes. Have a nice day.” Neil deGrasse Tyson

Dark humor jokes you will laugh about

29. “When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.” Saul Bellow

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30. “What, after all, is a halo? It’s only one more thing to keep clean.” Christopher Fry

31. “I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often—but I’m well preserved.” Rose Kennedy

32. “What Promise of a new day does one have to ignore to laugh so early in the morning?” Leot Felton

33. “My only choice was between the disastrous and the unpalatable. A very German choice.” Philip Kerr

34. “I have a wonderful make-up crew. They’re the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.” Bob Hope

35. “I’m seriously the nicest and meanest person you will ever meet. Now fuck off and have a great day.” Unknown

36. “I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.” Hunter S. Thompson

37. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” George Burns

38. “There is nothing in the world that I loathe more than group activity, that communal bath where the hairy and slippery mix in a multiplication of mediocrity.” Vladimir Nabokov

Sad dark humor quotes

39. “Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” Will Rogers

40. “It’s so hard being goth. You have to have a bad time everywhere.” Clint Catalyst

41. “Sometimes I miss the people my characters were before I ruined their lives.” Victoria Schwab

42. “First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.” Steve Martin

43. “What’s the whole point of being pretty on the outside when you’re so ugly on the inside?” Jess C. Scott

44. “One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening.” Franklin P. Jones

45. “Society is like a stew. If you don’t stir it up every once in a while, then a layer of scum floats to the top.” Edward Abbey

46. “After one look at this planet, any visitor from outer space would say, ‘I want to see the manager.’” William S. Burroughs

47. “I did not need an unstable relationship to teach me about the evils of broken promises. I had parents for that.” Michelle Franklin

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Funny Dark Humor Quotes

48. “Man makes plans . . . and God laughs.” ― Michael Chabon

49. “Relationships are ropes. Love is a noose.” ― Brent Weeks

50.  “After all, who wants to die slowly when you can die fast? Me.” ― Holly Black

51. “I wonder if I could eat a child if I had the chance.’ ‘I doubt if I could cook one,’ said Constance.” ― Shirley Jackson

52. “A man’s greatest treasures are his illusions.” ― Brent Weeks

53. “I want to commit suicide but am afraid someone will think I am crazy.” ― Carl White

54. “You may be married to a star, but that doesn’t mean they’ll treat you like one.” ― Jess C. Scott

55. “Please, please be some sex-starved nutcase who wants to kidnap me and make me your love slave, I begged silently.” ― Cate Tiernan

56. “If you removed all the arteries, veins, & capillaries from a person’s body, and tied them end-to-end…the person will die.” ― Neil deGrasse Tyson

57. “I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can’t even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails.” ― Andrew Lawrence

Are you a fan of dark humor?

One of the well-known masters of dark humor was the late great George Carlin, who made crowds double over in laughter for decades with his dark humor and glass-half-full perceptions.

Watch some of his best skits here!

Dark humor is more than just poking fun at situations or topics that are serious or painful to discuss.

It has to be artfully done to be tasteful.

People often misconstrue dark humor as just being horrible.

It is more than just making an offensive or horrid joke.

Comedians and critics alike are quick to point out the nuances of dark humor, often suggesting that what makes dark humor funny is the twist.

Still, some aim to say over-the-top things under the guise of “Oh, its just dark humor.”

Some argue that if the material is racist, homophobic, sexist, or based on rape culture, it is certainly not dark humor but something else.

Let us know your thoughts in the comment section below.

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Clifton Sankofa
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