10 Why Independent Women Struggle to Find Love

My name is Ashley Valencia, and I always was and still am a very independent woman.

I got married in December 2016.

I had to wait a long time to find “the one.”

Why?

Because of several reasons which I will list for you below!

Keep reading to discover the top reasons independent women struggle to find love!

I Liked Being Single

I graduated college at 23 and was working all the time.

While I still partied, it was much less often.

I tried dating a little, but I found it so boring.

I just could not get into it.

Also, it felt like an enormous waste of time.

I would go on a date knowing that I could make money instead.

I’d sit there knowing I could be with my girlfriends having a good time instead of talking to a man who would eventually want me to sleep with him after the date and would cry like a little girl when I said no.

So I decided I was over it, that was just not for me.

I stopped looking.

I loved being single and everything else just seemed like a waste of time.

It was great that I could come and go as I pleased, never needing permission or approval to go anywhere with anyone.

I could sleep with whomever as well.

It was so nice to just be so independent and work all the time.

I had no excuses to miss work.

I was always there and always working with dedication.

How I got to be this way was a bunch of poor decision-making on my part.

Still, I wouldn’t change anything because although it was a struggle, it all led me to the man of my dreams!

I was 27 when I met my husband.

And the only way I can describe it is that he was worth it.

All of it.

But that’s a whole other story.

Here are the main reasons independent women struggle and have to wait so long to find love.

Tell us what you would add to this list in the comment section!

1. It’s difficult to find an independent guy

The guy an independent woman needs must be independent in his own rights.

He can’t expect to monopolize your time.

Furthermore, if you do give some of your limited time, he has to be worth it.

Worth giving up those few hours at night that you would normally work overtime.

Worth skipping hanging out with friends, worth the time and the effort, or even being in your life.

2. Independent women are looking for knowledgeable men   

The man must be on the same type of educational wavelength.

As an independent woman, you do not have time to waste on a dumbass.

The man must be interesting and knowledgeable.

3. It’s tough finding men who want to commit

The man must be single.

You laugh, but seriously, you have to be single.

I am not playing this little dating-around game with you.

The one where you have so many “options” under your belt.

If I am wasting my time talking to you, you must dedicate your precious time to me, too.

4. Some men can be ‘needy’

Do not message me all the time, and expect an immediate response.

Chances are I am busy working and doing my own thing.

I will get back to you.

However, it will be after I finish what I am doing.

5. Guys struggle to accept the independent woman as she is

Love me for me, not for who I could be.

Certainly not for what you can make me.

I’m over that.

I am no longer playing those little dating games we were all taught when we were 18.

I will not text you and wait two days for a response and think it is so cute.

Pushover is not a word you should use to describe me.

Nor will I pretend to be dumb and cute for you.

I am smart, educated, successful, a workaholic, dedicated, and going places.

If you want to get on my train with me—perfect.

If you want to get on some other train and you think I might fit, get on another train and leave me alone.

6. An independent woman is not looking to coach a man       

I won’t put any effort into changing you.

If you need some help to make doctor’s appointments, plan parties, pick out your clothes, etc.

I will not be that girl for you.

Be an adult.

I am not looking to be your mom.

You must come as you are, fully and truthfully.

7. Independent women want honest men

Tell the truth.

By this time I am over liars.

I just don’t have time for lies.

If you ever lie to me, please be gone.

I want the truth, even if it is brutal.

Sneaky games and half-truths have no place in my life.

8. It’s tough finding men who can be present

You must be present.

You cannot say ‘Hey, let’s date exclusively’ and then never have time for me.

I am 100 percent over that.

You must actually be there.

Why would you want to be in a relationship and not be involved?

9. An independent woman wants a proper partner

Be a partner.

Independent women do not want a husband in the sense that the man is basically her dad.

We want a legitimate partner.

I like to explain it like this: I want a best friend who likes to have sex with me.

That is it.

You work full time—I work full time.

When we have kids, we split all the responsibilities.

There is no ‘I am the mom, so I get to do everything’—um, no.

The bills—same thing, you pay and I pay.

So on and so forth.

10. Some men expect love too quickly  

Do not expect me to fall in love with you quickly.

An independent woman has already been through a ton of heartbreak.

We just do not even care to be in a relationship.

So if you have duped us to this point into liking you, wait.

It won’t be forever but wait for it.

We are scared and we will say it, just not soon.

It took my husband 8-9 months of dating exclusively before saying, ‘I love you.’

A reminder for all my independent woman

Whether you are an independent woman who is looking for love or has already found it, this video is an amazing reminder that either way, you’re amazing, and you’re just fine.

If you’re an independent woman who has struggled to find love, tell us about it in the comment section!

Also, tell us from your experience what you would add to this list.

We would love to hear from you!