Does your partner always tell you they are ‘too busy?’
Are you feeling like you are not a priority?
A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that couples who reported being too busy for sex were actually less satisfied with their relationship overall.
This suggests that the “too busy” excuse may be a cover for deeper issues in the relationship.
At what point is this a sign that it is an excuse and not just a one-off situation?
“If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do the same for big things. Be aware of this and realize he’s okay with disappointing you….” – Greg Behrendt, He’s Just Not That Into You
We now live in a world where every minute of every hour of every day is occupied with tasks, mundane or not.
People are not just doing one thing at a time—we’re multi-tasking.
Instead of just working, we’re also checking our phones, posting on Facebook, eating snacks, and laughing at a colleague’s joke.
No wonder we’re so stressed!
Is your partner always “too busy”?
On Being, columnist Omid Safi calls our need always to be preoccupied with the “disease of being busy.”
Even with eight-hour work schedules and convenient planning apps at our fingertips, many of us can’t find time for ourselves or our loved ones.
While several instances are understandable (after all, we need to reach our goals!), if it becomes a habit, rethink if you’re a part of the other party’s future.
- When was the last time you did something enjoyable together?
- Did date nights become bland living room sessions?
- When your partner is busy doing something outside their normal routine, do they find other ways to make you a priority?
Don’t let a busy schedule destroy your relationship—not just with your significant other but also with your connection with yourself.
Here are some reasons you shouldn’t settle for someone who always uses that too-busy excuse.
4 Reasons you should not accept the “too busy” excuse
1. Even Busy People Find Time
Some jobs are more demanding than others.
Entrepreneurs, healthcare professionals, and retail workers have some of the most stressful and busy schedules among us.
This brings us to our first point: no matter how busy a person gets, they will find time for people who matter to them.
Remember: you’re busy, too!
Even business owner Nicole Smartt recommends active entrepreneurs like her continue spending quality time with loved ones to avoid work burnout and feelings of isolation.
Even if it’s just a short phone call, an email, or a quick lunch date, your partner should carve hours in a day necessary to cultivate the relationship.
If you do not see any effort, perhaps it’s time to sit down and have the talk.
2. Modern Technology Is On Your Side
Your partner may have a good excuse for not contacting you for days if he’s on a top-secret field mission or if his phone got stolen.
However, if he’s been “too busy” again, remind him of the thousands of apps available on both Android and iOS phones.
If he doesn’t have service but is eating out at a bistro with a Wi-Fi connection, he can send you an SMS through Skype or WhatsApp.
Then there’s Facebook, Twitter, and Viber.
Aside from our smartphones, we have other gadgets at our disposal to communicate with anyone across the globe in a fraction of a second.
There are tablets, personal desktop computers, and even smartwatches.
So unless your significant other is doing volunteer work somewhere where technology is unheard of, “being too busy” is simply not an excuse.
3. Good Relationships Value Open Communication
We don’t live in an ideal world.
Even my boyfriend and I argue over our misaligned schedules and inability to follow through on a few planned events.
No one should be too busy for simple communication.
No matter how challenging, how tired we are, and even if we’re flying off to another country.
A simple SMS, a quick phone call, or even just a private message on social media—anything that would let the other party know that they are in your thoughts.
Today, it’s perfectly normal that your partner may choose a job over you (for the meantime, at least).
However, this doesn’t mean that they should ignore you.
Setting priorities for specific periods and having clear expectations will help you eliminate the too busy excuse.
Want to pursue medical school?
Be clear about what they should expect.
Do you need to travel all the time to promote your business?
Explain your situation.
People who truly love you will understand and will not make you choose.
In return, find time in your busy schedule to make them feel like they’re still a part of your life.
4. Be With Someone Who Values Time
“Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs.”
Know when to break up something that’s no longer working out.
You may be important to them today, but who knows?
Perhaps somewhere down the line, they forget and will simply delegate you to the back burner.
Never think that you deserve to be treated this way!
So you can give it to people who will value it just as much as you do, or you can be too busy and lose people you care about.
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