Don’t Accept the ‘Too Busy’ Excuse: 4 Reasons to Speak Up

Does your partner always tell you they are ‘too busy?’ Are you feeling like you are not a priority? If your partner consistently uses the “too busy” excuse, it may be a sign of deeper issues in your relationship. While it’s normal for work and other commitments to sometimes take precedence, being perpetually “too busy” for quality time together can erode the connection and leave you feeling undervalued.

A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that couples who reported being too busy for sex were actually less satisfied with their relationship overall. This suggests that the “too busy” excuse may be a cover for underlying problems or a lack of investment in the partnership.

At what point is this a sign that it is an excuse and not just a one-off situation? As relationship expert Greg Behrendt notes in his book He’s Just Not That Into You, “If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do the same for big things. Be aware of this and realize he’s okay with disappointing you.”

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to get caught up in the “disease of being busy,” as columnist Omid Safi calls it. We’re constantly multi-tasking and trying to cram more into every minute of the day. However, even with demanding work schedules and countless distractions, making time for the people we love is essential for nurturing strong, healthy relationships.

If your partner’s busy lifestyle has left your relationship on the back burner, it’s time to assess whether this is a temporary situation or a recurring pattern. Ask yourself:

• When was the last time you did something enjoyable together?
• Did date nights become bland living room sessions?
• When your partner is busy doing something outside their normal routine, do they find other ways to make you a priority?

Don’t let a busy schedule destroy your relationship—not just with your significant other but also with your connection with yourself.

Here are four key reasons why you shouldn’t accept the “too busy” excuse from your partner:

1. Even the busiest people make time for their priorities

While some professions are more demanding than others, even people with the most stressful and time-consuming jobs find ways to nurture their relationships. Entrepreneurs, doctors, and retail workers are among those with notoriously packed schedules, yet many still manage to prioritize family time and cultivate hobbies.

The truth is, no matter how busy someone is, they will make time for the people and things that truly matter to them. As business owner Nicole Smartt points out, even the most active entrepreneurs need to spend quality time with loved ones to avoid burnout and feelings of isolation.

If your partner consistently fails to carve out time for you, even in small ways like a quick phone call or thoughtful text message, it may be a sign that you’re not a top priority. In a healthy relationship, both partners make an effort to stay connected and show their appreciation, no matter how hectic life gets.

2. Modern technology makes constant communication easier than ever

With countless apps and devices at our fingertips, staying in touch with loved ones has never been more convenient. Unless your partner is in a remote location without access to technology, there’s really no excuse for going days without contact.

From text messages and social media to video chats and email, couples have a multitude of options for checking in throughout the day. Even a simple “thinking of you” message can make a world of difference in helping you feel valued and connected.

If your partner consistently fails to take advantage of these tools to stay in touch, it may be a sign that you’re not a priority in their busy life. A caring partner will make an effort to bridge the gap, even when faced with a packed schedule or challenging circumstances.

3. Healthy relationships require open, honest communication

One of the cornerstones of a strong partnership is the ability to openly discuss your needs, expectations, and challenges. If your significant other is consistently “too busy” for quality time together, it’s crucial to have an honest conversation about how their actions are impacting you.

In some cases, a partner’s busy schedule may be a temporary situation tied to a specific goal, such as completing a degree or launching a business. If this is the case, it’s important to communicate openly about your expectations and find ways to support each other through the challenging period.

However, if your partner is unwilling to have this discussion or fails to follow through on commitments to make more time for the relationship, it may be a sign of a deeper lack of investment. A loving partner will work with you to find a balance that meets both of your needs, even if it requires some sacrifices or creative problem-solving.

4. You deserve to be with someone who values your time and prioritizes the relationship

Ultimately, you should be with a partner who recognizes the importance of quality time together and is willing to make you a priority, even in the face of a busy schedule. As Greg Behrendt wisely notes, “Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs.”

If your partner consistently puts other commitments ahead of your relationship and fails to follow through on promises to make more time for you, it may be a sign that they’re not truly invested in your happiness together. You deserve to be with someone who values your time and is willing to put in the effort required to maintain a strong, healthy bond.

While it’s normal for outside commitments to sometimes interfere with couple time, a loving partner will do their best to minimize these disruptions and find ways to stay connected despite the challenges. If you find yourself constantly playing second fiddle to your significant other’s packed schedule, it may be time to reevaluate your priorities and consider moving on to someone who values you and your time together.