Is your partner always ‘too busy’?
“If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you…” – Greg Behrendt, He’s Just Not That Into You
We now live in a world where every minute of every hour of every day is occupied with tasks, mundane or not. On top of that, people are not just doing one thing at a time – we’re multi-tasking.
Instead of just working, we’re also checking our phones, posting on Facebook, eating snacks, and laughing at a colleague’s joke.
No wonder we’re so stressed!
Is your partner always “too busy”?
On Being columnist, Omid Safi, calls our need to always be preoccupied as the “disease of being busy”. Even with eight-hour work schedules and convenient planning apps at our fingertips, many of us can’t seem to find time for ourselves or for our loved ones.
While several instances are understandable (after all, we need to reach for our goals!), if it becomes a habit, you should rethink if you’re really a part of the other party’s future.
When was the last time you did something enjoyable together? Did date nights become bland living room sessions? Don’t let a busy schedule destroy your relationship – NOT just with your significant other, but also your connection with yourself.
Here’s why you shouldn’t settle for someone who always uses that too busy excuse:
4 Reasons why you should NOT accept the “too busy” excuse
1. Even Busy People Find Time
Some jobs are more demanding than others. Entrepreneurs, healthcare professionals, and retail workers have some of the most stressful and busy schedules among us.
It’s surprising that they could still find the energy to raise a family and even develop productive hobbies. This brings us to our first point: no matter how busy a person gets, they will find time for people who matter to them.
Remember: you’re busy, too! Even business owner Nicole Smartt recommends that active entrepreneurs like her continue spending quality time with loved ones to avoid work burnout and feelings of isolation.
Even if it’s just a short phone call, an email, or a quick lunch date, your partner should carve hours in a day necessary to cultivate the relationship. If you’re not seeing any effort on their part, perhaps it’s time to sit down and TALK.
2. Modern Technology Is On Your Side
Your partner may have a good excuse for not contacting you for days if he’s on a top secret field mission OR if he’s phone got stolen. However, if he’s been “too busy” again, remind him of the thousands of apps available on both Android and iOS phones.
If he doesn’t have credits but is eating out at a bistro with WiFi connection, he can send you an SMS through Skype or WhatsApp. Then there’s Facebook, Twitter, and Viber. Aside from our smartphones, we have other gadgets at our disposal to communicate with anyone across the globe in a fraction of a second.
There are tablets, personal desktop computers, and even smart watches. So unless your significant other is doing volunteer work somewhere where technology is unheard of, “being too busy” is simply not an excuse.
3. Good Relationships Value Open Communication
We don’t live in an ideal world.
Even my boyfriend and I argue over our misaligned schedules and our inability to follow-through on a few planned events. However, as we are in a long distance relationship, we follow one simple rule: we ALWAYS communicate daily.
No matter how challenging it is, no matter how tired we are, and even if we’re flying off to another country. A simple SMS, a quick phone call, or even just a private message on social media – anything that would let the other party know that they are in your thoughts.
Today, it’s perfectly normal that your partner may choose a job over you (for the meantime, at least). However, this doesn’t mean that they should ignore you. We can chase after our careers while still nurturing our present relationships – but we would need to be completely honest with our partners.
Want to pursue medical school? Be clear about what they should expect. Do you need to travel all the time to promote your business? Explain your situation.
People who truly love you will understand and would NOT make you choose. In return, find time in your busy schedule to make them feel like they’re still a part of your life.
4. Be With Someone Who Values Time
“Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs.”
Know when to break up something that’s no longer working out. People change. You may be important to them today, but who knows? Perhaps somewhere down the line, they forget and will simply delegate you to the backburner.
NEVER think that you deserve to be treated this way! Time is the most precious commodity that we have on earth. So give it to people who will value it just as much as you do.