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Why you should not accept the “too busy” excuse from your partner

Published on March 29, 2019 8:30 AM EST
Why you should not accept the “too busy” excuse from your partner

Is your partner always ‘too busy’?

“If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you…” – Greg Behrendt, He’s Just Not That Into You

Why you should not accept the “too busy” excuse from your partner

We now live in a world where every minute of every hour of every day is occupied with tasks, mundane or not. On top of that, people are not just doing one thing at a time – we’re multi-tasking.

Instead of just working, we’re also checking our phones, posting on Facebook, eating snacks, and laughing at a colleague’s joke.

No wonder we’re so stressed!

Is your partner always “too busy”?

On Being columnist, Omid Safi, calls our need to always be preoccupied as the “disease of being busy”. Even with eight-hour work schedules and convenient planning apps at our fingertips, many of us can’t seem to find time for ourselves or for our loved ones.

While several instances are understandable (after all, we need to reach for our goals!), if it becomes a habit, you should rethink if you’re really a part of the other party’s future.

When was the last time you did something enjoyable together? Did date nights become bland living room sessions? Don’t let a busy schedule destroy your relationship – NOT just with your significant other, but also your connection with yourself.

Here’s why you shouldn’t settle for someone who always uses that too busy excuse:

4 Reasons why you should NOT accept the “too busy” excuse

1.) Even Busy People Find Time

Some jobs are more demanding than others. Entrepreneurs, healthcare professionals, and retail workers have some of the most stressful and busy schedules among us.

It’s surprising that they could still find the energy to raise a family and even develop productive hobbies. This brings us to our first point: no matter how busy a person gets, they will find time for people who matter to them.

Remember: you’re busy, too! Even business owner Nicole Smartt recommends that active entrepreneurs like her continue spending quality time with loved ones to avoid work burnout and feelings of isolation.

Even if it’s just a short phone call, an email, or a quick lunch date, your partner should carve hours in a day necessary to cultivate the relationship. If you’re not seeing any effort on their part, perhaps it’s time to sit down and TALK.

2.) Modern Technology Is On Your Side

Your partner may have a good excuse for not contacting you for days if he’s on a top secret field mission OR if he’s phone got stolen. However, if he’s been “too busy” again, remind him of the thousands of apps available on both Android and iOS phones.

If he doesn’t have credits but is eating out at a bistro with WiFi connection, he can send you an SMS through Skype or WhatsApp. Then there’s Facebook, Twitter, and Viber. Aside from our smartphones, we have other gadgets at our disposal to communicate with anyone across the globe in a fraction of a second.

There are tablets, personal desktop computers, and even smart watches. So unless your significant other is doing volunteer work somewhere where technology is unheard of, “being too busy” is simply not an excuse.

3.) Good Relationships Value Open Communication

We don’t live in an ideal world.

Even my boyfriend and I argue over our misaligned schedules and our inability to follow-through on a few planned events. However, as we are in a long distance relationship, we follow one simple rule: we ALWAYS communicate daily.

No matter how challenging it is, no matter how tired we are, and even if we’re flying off to another country. A simple SMS, a quick phone call, or even just a private message on social media – anything that would let the other party know that they are in your thoughts.

Today, it’s perfectly normal that your partner may choose a job over you (for the meantime, at least). However, this doesn’t mean that they should ignore you. We can chase after our careers while still nurturing our present relationships – but we would need to be completely honest with our partners.

Want to pursue medical school? Be clear about what they should expect. Do you need to travel all the time to promote your business? Explain your situation.

People who truly love you will understand and would NOT make you choose. In return, find time in your busy schedule to make them feel like they’re still a part of your life.

4.) Be With Someone Who Values Time

“Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs.”

Know when to break up something that’s no longer working out. People change. You may be important to them today, but who knows? Perhaps somewhere down the line, they forget and will simply delegate you to the backburner.

NEVER think that you deserve to be treated this way! Time is the most precious commodity that we have on earth. So give it to people who will value it just as much as you do.

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5 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Julianna

    October 26, 2019 at 9:19 PM

    I find articles like this frustrating. I am a female entrepreneur and I really am busy. What makes me angry is when you tell people you are busy once and then they continue to bombard you with photos stupid messages memes and other unimportant crap when you are in the middle of conducting business for example focusing on contracts learning new skills or systems or researching technology and you get brainless imbeciles sending you completely mindless crap and expecting a reaction. The more people continue to contact me when I have specifically said I am busy – I need peace at this time – I’m not in the mood the more I get angrier to the point where I cannot talk to the person in question anymore. When I communicate that I am busy I should be left alone until I’m ready to talk because by the time I am no longer busy the thought of talking to someone who has not respected my boundaries is repulsive to me. Typically this is a female thing whereby females just want constant attention and I struggle to make lasting female friendships because I lack the patience to deal. These people rarely ask how I am or what I am doing they just want to communicate and unload their issues on me. I would say this is fairly common. So regarding this article there is two sides to every story. Maybe people who are not “communicating” are actually fantastic at communication but the people who are chasing the communication are just annoying selfish and brainless AF. Thoughts ?

    • Avatar

      Cassie

      October 28, 2019 at 9:36 PM

      Thank you, this is a really good explanation of someone honestly busy in their work and it can be as simple as this. You are not being ignored, they are running a buiness. This has helped me see my long distance friendship in another way without making excuses for him. I totally get it. Don’t pester people at work. On the flip side, for me, the person I hardly hear from now has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, so busy is usually an excuse or he’s “busy” with someone else, bored with keeping in touch or keeping me in a holding pattern until he needs something from me. You will either get bombarded and loved up or get scraps. Lately I have been staying in my space waiting for him to make contact, showing maturity and patience, but I think it’s a game. I wait until the evening around 7pm when he’s home and I will get one short message “just got home, busy day” and nothing more all evening – not even a SMS goodnight. Wow! So I wait for an explanation the next day and it’s just “fell asleep or got a busy day today, you have a great day”. What? Where were you, what were you doing last night. Then you sound like a psycho co-dependent freak. That is not fair or normal in my books. I’ve known this person for 40 years, so I know how to handle some of it. He seems to make contact during his busiest time instead of the quiet time where he works part time. Go figure. Maybe this is a message for me to listen up to. Am I a pest? These are the sort of people this article is mainly focused at I think – the game players who make it very clear they will fit you in when they feel like it – offer you scraps like a starving dog. It works in their favour. You pine to hear from them, you put your life on hold and before you know it, you stop living your life and sit waiting for them. Just how they want it! There is a psychological exercise I read about where a rat was given a constant supply of food if it pressed a lever, then it was withheld and the lever didn’t work. That rat started to crave any little morsel that came it’s way. Kind of like that. And I remember a saying a long time ago “why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t value you or want to be with you?” Go find someone who wants to communicate as normally as you think is normal and without suspicion. I also have a friend who constantly says he’s busy, busy this and busy that to everyone. He works three days a week and I know the business and I know what he does – I have worked with him. He ain’t busy! He is raking it in doing nothing much and always in the coffee lounge. He does have time for everyone and is a lovely person who would be totally there for you if you need him, but his comeback line is “been busy” like he needs to sound important. I ask what he’s been up to and get real nosey, but he stays super private.

  2. Avatar

    Jonathan

    April 30, 2019 at 1:20 AM

    My partner ghosted me when I was going through a hard time. For 3 Sundays in a row I offered to commute to my partner and my partner said she too tired, clearly that’s a big deal breaker for me. You can’t be that lazy to have any energy, plus she called me to play with her hair and then send me home. People are stupid these days. I helped her a lot and I guess when people don’t compromise in relationships it doesn’t work out! If it’s all about you and you won’t make an effort what is the point!!! Don’t date lazy people, physically active people is the people you should date!!! I find lazy people a chore to work with!!

  3. Avatar

    Thandie

    April 10, 2019 at 6:49 PM

    Too busy” is the excuse I always get from my partner even on my birthday.. he never remembers it for five years in a row! Now I know what to do! Thanks for this

  4. Avatar

    Lala

    April 2, 2019 at 12:31 PM

    I had a toxic relationship …my ex used to ask me for space all the time even though we had a long distance relationship he never even call on my birthday .Amazing article thanks …eye opener

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