Although I am praised by others for my abilities, I have no confidence in myself. How can I change this?
“Carefully watch your thoughts, for they become your words. Manage and watch your words, for they will become your actions. Consider and judge your actions, for they have become your habits. Acknowledge and watch your habits, for they shall become your values. Understand and embrace your values, for they become your destiny.” – Gandhi
I tend to look at confidence as a journey we take throughout our entire life. From my experience, it is something that warrants attention every single day. Looking back, throughout our childhood we are filled with excitement and confidence within ourselves! Then as we grow up we tend to lose it through dealings with friends, family, bosses, ex’s, photo shopped magazine pictures, the habit of constantly comparing ourselves to others, etc… We can then spend the rest of our lives trying to get it back and prove that we are enough!I believe that self-confidence is our birthright. This is a huge part of my coaching so let me break it down for you step by step so that we can build it back up!
4 Tips to help increase your Confidence
1. Positive Affirmations
I am a huge advocate for affirmations every single morning! Listening is easy and you can find them on YouTube! I often listen while getting cleaned up, on my way to a meeting, while I’m getting breakfast ready, any time at all. I’m not asking you to believe the positive affirmations when you start, but I do suggest you start listening to something that draws you in to the words immediately! All it takes is 5 – 15 minutes EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. The wonderful thing about starting your day off with this is that the mind will go to what it is familiar with and comfortable with and you’re creating a positive habit to start your day. So when you add this to your morning it will eventually become your new normal, and I promise, you will eventually believe them! I suggest listening to one or two for a minimum of 30 days straight, then feel free to switch it up to another recording to fit the thoughts that are running through your mind on any given week. This is an easy way to help increase your confidence and your self-worth!
2. Break your negative beliefs
This is a really important beginning step in the process to regain our confidence. Grab a small notebook and write this down! Why do you believe you aren’t as good as others say you are? Go back to the beginning of when this thought process occurred. What made you feel like that? Who first told you that or gave you that incorrect impression? How are these beliefs helping and supporting you now? Wait, they aren’t supporting you now? GREAT, let’s get rid of them!
Now let’s focus on changing those negative beliefs! Let’s think about what you are great at or what you could be great at, who you want to be, and what you want to accomplish in your life.Then allow these positive thoughts into your mind. Now for every negative belief that you just wrote down, change it to a positive statement. Allow yourself to receive these good words and thoughts. Know that you are worth it and you deserve it. Sit on that for a bit, possibly meditate on the fact that you are worth it if it will help. You are on this planet for a reason and you deserve all the good it has to offer, starting within your own mind!
Just remember, what we think is what we believe, so always focus on and think about the positive words you’ve just created and review these daily. Your thoughts create your reality and always reminding yourself of the good things will lead you to success! Some of my own examples are as follows:
- I am not creative ~~~ I am and I have always been creative! I use my thoughts to create new programs to help my clients succeed!
- I am too quiet and I don’t do well in large groups~~~ I feel totally at ease with myself and I have an amazing time around large groups of people! Every time I am in a large group I have plenty of people to talk with and it’s a joy!
3. Visualize yourself as confident
In order to be confident you must be able to see yourself as confident! I usually suggest that my clients take just a couple of minutes to visualize themselves as confident, whatever that means to you, before they get out of bed or when they go to sleep at night. I know this can be challenging when someone isn’t confident, but determine what it looks like to you. Then imagine and visualize yourself doing those same things. When you can take the time to see yourself as confident you also send clear messages to your brain and makes us feel good about ourselves! Here are some tips to help you out!
- Make the picture very vivid and exciting
- Add exciting and powerful words that make you feel good
- Continue to make your picture bigger and brighter each time
- See your body as strong, your chest out, chin up, with a strong stance
4. Change your language to change your world
The most important words you will ever hear are the words you say to yourself, so stop putting yourself down.
Many studies have shown that confident people speak a different language than those that lack confidence, and when we make an effort, this one can be relatively easy to fix with some practice!
Confident people would never say things like “I can’t”, “it’s too difficult”, or “I wish”. They don’t use really descriptive words that connect themselves to fear like “terrified” or “petrified”. They know how to control their words so they have less impact on their thoughts.
So going forward don’t use negative words any more. In order to become confident you must banish talking like this ever again. Now make a list of the negative things you say to yourself and how you can change them into positive phrases.
Write your own down and read the positives every single day. Start paying attention to the words you are using and start changing them to the positive. It won’t take long to get the hang of it! Here are a couple of examples for you:
· I am totally calm and I can do this
· This is challenging me
· I like me and so does everyone else
· I am terrified
· This is killing me
· They won’t like me
Remember that confidence is something that we are born with, but diminishes over time. It can take us a long time to get to the point where we start looking for help! By working through these 4 suggestions every single day, you can get it back! When you repeat these actions day in and day out that pathway to your brain is strengthened with each repetition. When we stop a habit, such as negative words towards ourselves, those pathways diminish as well. It can take a minimum of 21 days to form new habits and patterns, but a solid 6 months to make it a new normal. Don’t give up and keep moving forward! Getting your confidence back will help you to become the person you were always meant to be!