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60 Joe Dirt Quotes From the Hilarious Characters

Enjoy these Joe Dirt Quotes that will keep you laughing!

Joe Dirt is that movie about a character who has been knocked down by life, then kicked while he was down over and over.

Joe goes on more adventures than most of us will ever be on, because he is willing to keep trying. The great thing about Joe Dirt is that he doesn’t let negativity keep him down no matter what might have happened.

He lost his family, jobs, and much more, but he is always chasing his dream and he is a good friend. In the end, those friends of his who are real friends come through for him and show him what family really is.

Don’t forget to also check out these hilarious Jim Halpert quotes from The Office

Best Joe Dirt quotes and sayings

1. “Life’s a garden, dig it.” – Joe Dirt

2. “You want me to put my ear to the ground and listen for hoofbeats, check for footprints, look for broken twigs? This is the modern era. That stuff doesn’t work anymore.” – Kicking Wing

3. “And at that moment I thought I might just lie there and never get up. I would just sit there and rot there, but then I looked up and saw the moon and got this weird feeling that Brandi was looking up at that same moon.” – Joe Dirt

4. “My name is Joe Dirt, I added an e to the end, cause it sounds cool.” – Joe Dirt

5. “Right on. You’re Joe Meteorite and I’m Joe Dirt.” – Joe Dirt

6. “Things are gonna happen for me, I’m Joe Dirt.” – Joe Dirt

7. “When bad pets go bad, dang.” – Joe Dirt

8. “Keep on, keepin’ on” – Joe Dirt

9. “If my calculations are correct, this will create ice… oh no, killer mustard gas!” – Joe Dirt

10. “Now, this ain’t no flapjack. I’ll go real easy. I won’t look.” – Joe Dirt

11. “You can’t have “no” in your heart. “No” is not an option, brother.” – Joe Dirt

12. “Here on earth, we call this place a ‘town.’ A ‘town’ is a place where everyone hates you.” – Joe Dirt

13. “Is this where you wanna be when Jesus comes back?” – Joe Dirt

14. “Life is too short to waste doing nothing, make everyday count because we all don’t know when we will leave this world. Cherish every moment you have with loved ones and never regret anything in life, because everything happens for a reason. Look at every day and smile that God has kept you alive, cause there’s nothing sweeter than life.” – Joe Dirt

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15. “Things get the darkest before dawn.” – Joe Dirt

Funny Joe Dirt Quotes

16. “He’ll stop humping as soon as he’s done.” – Miss Clipper

17. “And you’ll be sticking your head out the window and check out chic dogs saying ‘what’s up, baby?’” – Joe Dirt

18. “There are three rules when dealing with a deadly crocodile. Rule number one, I’m number one. Rule number two, the croc’s number two.” – Joe Dirt

19. “So, what you’re telling me, is that you’re so ingrained with White Trash, that your facial hair just grows in all white trashy like that?” – Zander Kelly

20. “What’s the deal with your hair? You doing stunt work for Billy Ray Cyrus?” – Zander Kelly

21. “I got the poo on me!” – Joe Dirt

22. “You’re talking to me all wrong… It’s the wrong tone. You do it again and I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? Boom. Get her to sew that!” – Clem

23. “It’s like the cartoons, I’m seein all tweet tweet.” – Joe Dirt

24. “Might as well ask why is a tree good? Why’s a sunset good? Why are boobs good?” – Joe Dirt

25. “His name’s Rocky and he ain’t no puppy.” – Joe Dirt

26. “Won’t kill you.” –Joe Dirt Hitchhiking Sign

27. “Why don’t you practice fallin down, I’ll be there in a minute.” – Joe Dirt

28. “Well, that might be your problem. It’s not what you like. It’s the consumer.” – Joe Dirt

29. “Ma’am, you should never drink the bong water.” – Joe Dirt

30. “All aberration radio, all the time.” – Joe Dirt

Joe Dirt quotes about the moon

31. “Well say it, don’t spray it brother, Dang!” – Joe Dirt

32. “If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?” – Joe Dirt

33. “Look at him, fellas! You cryin’ boy? You cryin’ boy?! Maybe go back down to Mcdonalds, get you some whaaburgers and some french cries!” – Robby

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34. “I’m a rocker through and through. Here’s a list of my favorite bands: AC/DC, Van Halen not Van Hagar, Skynyrd, Def Leppard.” – Joe Dirt

35. “Well I didn’t know she was my sister when I kissed her, so it’s not my fault. And she’s one of the hottest girls on the planet.” – Joe Dirt

36. “Well, it ain’t a meteor.” – Meteor Bert

37. “Well well, lookey here. Corn off the cob.” – Joe Dirt

38. “Watch the guns baby, that’s how I get the gals.” – Joe Dirt

39. “Hey! If you want to impress me, get a mullet hairstyle.” – Joe Dirt

40. “You see that moon? You don’t know how many nights I spent alone staring at that moon wondering if, at that exact moment, my mom or my dad was looking at the same moon. And for that brief second, we were together again, kind of, you know?” – Joe Dirt

Other Joe Dirt Quotes

41. “Well, I was born without the top of my skull and I guess a little bit of my brains was showin’ and it was grossin’ everybody out so my mom put this wig on me to cover it up, and then the bones grew together and it got all infused and entwined. I mean I don’t mean to get all scientific with you…” – Joe Dirt

42. “To tell you the truth, brother, between you and me. The thing with the dog is coming off a little fruity. That’s just me talking.” – Joe Dirt

43. “So your gonna’ tell me that you don’t have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis? – Joe Dirt

44. “Oh come on man. You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das or crap flappers?” – Joe Dirt

45. “You’re gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don’t have no whistling bungholes, no spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?” – Joe Dirt

46. “But I’m picking it up this afternoon. I might need a pretty little lady to sit in the front seat while I break her in. The car I mean. So what do you say.” – Joe Dirt

47. “Your nuts are frozen to the porch. Oh, that sucks.” – Joe Dirt

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48. “They’re large and in charge, and they’re lookin for chickies.” – Joe Dirt

49. “Like them spinnin tires, do ya?” – Joe Dirt

50. “You guys got somethin’ to say to me? Why don’t you say it in the microphone? I got a backup mike right here. Check one-two, testing, testing. Yup, they both workin’, and guess what? They don’t like no feedback, what’s up?” – Joe Dirt

More Joe Dirt quotes from all your favorite characters

51. “It puts the lotion on its skin. Now!” — Buffalo Bob

52. “If you’re driving a Mopar, you probably look like him.” — Joe Dirt

53. “Lose that frown. When you’re down, stare at a clown,” — Joe’s Mom       

54. “No, afraid not. That just a big ol’ frozen chunk of poopy.” — Meteor Bert

55. [Getting humped by a dog] “Can I push him off of me?” — Young Joe Dirt

56. “No… because snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like.” — Kicking Wing

57. “You just said your sister’s hot! What a fuh-reak! You’re going to hell, man!” — Joe Dirt

58. “You wanna fight? Why don’t you stick your head up my butt and fight for air?” — Joe Dirt

59. “Well, I see you got those snakes and sparklers. But where’s the good stuff man?” — Joe Dirt

60. [strapped to atom bomb] “I’m not messin’ around! I hit it, and it goes bang. Alright? Now while I’m up here waiting you [points to attractive girl] show me them boobies!” — Joe Dirt

Which of these Joe Dirt Quotes is your favorite?

After seeing the quotes above you can probably see that Joe Dirt is a ridiculous but hilarious comedy. Joe Dirt is a fast-moving comedy from 2001 that stars David Spade.

The best thing about the movie is that Joe is constantly going from one adventure to another so you don’t have time to get bored. Instead, you will be laughing the whole time and just maybe find yourself rooting for Joe Dirt.

This movie will instantly become one of your favorites because of the characters, the adventures, the great one-liners, and of course Joe Dirt’s great mullet. Don’t wait another minute to see your new favorite comedy!

Did you enjoy these Joe Dirt quotes and lines? Which of the quotes is your favorite? Let us know in the comment section below.

Stephanie Kirby
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