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Bad Santa Quotes from the Non-Classic Christmas Movie

Unfiltered Bad Santa quotes from the most vulgar of Christmas movies.

While not on the list of classic Christmas movies to watch during the holiday season, Bad Santa makes its mark as a Christmas movie you’ll never forget.

Directed by Terry Zwigoff, this Raunchy film depicts Santa like you’ve never seen him before.

Willie, played by Billy Bob Thornton, and his assistant Marcus (Tony Cox) are thieves who pose as Christmas characters to commit their petty crimes.

These two have quite the lip and don’t hold anything back.

This isn’t a Christmas movie that you want to gather your family and children around to watch together.

You’ll see what we mean here in these Bad Santa quotes…

Bad Santa movie quotes from Santa himself

1. “Why don’t you wish in one hand, and shit in the other. See which one fills up first.” Willie

2. “I said, “Next,” goddamn it! This is not the DMV!”  Willie

3. “Marcus, get this kid off me before he pisses on me, all right?” Willie

4. “I’m on my f*cking lunch break, ok!” Willie

5. “No, I’m an accountant. I wear this f*cking thing as a fashion statement, alright?” – Willie

6. “OW! Watch the toenails, kid. Shit!” Willie

7. “Wanna see some magic? OK, let’s watch you disappear.” Willie

8. “I hope that you got my present and that there wasn’t too much blood on it.” Willie

Insulting Bad Santa quotes

9. “Well, you smell like a bum’s nut sack.” Willie

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10. “You said that yesterday, you stupid f*ck.” Marcus

11. “You are by far the dumbest, most pathetic piece of maggot eatin’ shit that has every slid from a human being’s hairy ass.” Marcus

12. “You know what I see when I look at you? America’s got a sad future ahead of it.” Gin

13. “I could stick you up my ass, small fry.” Gin

Bad Santa quotes and one-liners

14. “I’m not your f*ckin’ da da” Willie

15. “I wouldn’t be diggin’ in your ass!” Marcus

16. “I’m an eating, drinking, shitting, f*cking Santy Claus.” Willie

17. “ASSCLOWN!” Hindustani Troublemaker

18. “You’re as queer as a ten-dollar bill.” Hindustani Troublemaker

19. “More booze, more bullshit, more butt-f*cking.” Marcus

20. “Are you off your f*cking meds or something?” – Willie

21. “Well they all can’t be winners.” Willie

22. “Mind your own goddamn business.” Willie

The Best Bad Santa quotes from Marcus

23. “In case you didn’t notice, I’m a motherf*cking dwarf. So unless you got a forklift handy, maybe you should lend a hand, hmm?” Marcus

24. “I weigh 92 pounds, you d*ck!” Marcus

25. “If I call you next December, IF I call you next December, you’re gonna be so happy to hear from me, you’re gonna do a goddamn back flip. You’re gonna put that Santa hat on so fast that you’re gonna get f*cking hat-burn.” Marcus

Which of these Bad Santa quotes is your favorite?

As you can see, this may not be the Christmas movie you’ll pick for your family movie night, but it just might make you laugh when you’re in the mood for some adult humor.

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Nothing is off-limits when it comes to this movie so be careful who you’re watching it with.

Believe it or not, an unrated version of the film was released in 2004 with dialogue that pushes the limits on dark and dirty humor.

There is also a sequel, Bad Santa 2. 

These films will just keep surprising you.

If you enjoy the more traditional Christmas movie, skip watching this one.

Did you enjoy these Bad Santa quotes and lines?

Which of the quotes is your favorite?

Let us know in the comment section below.

Stephanie Kirby
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