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American Vandal Quotes from the Clever Mockumentary

If you want a break from the stress of reality, enjoy these American Vandal quotes.

American Vandal is probably one of the most genius mockumentary series out there. It was streamed on Netflix for 2 seasons and brought tons of laughter to everyone who watched it.

The story was hilariously good at depicting actual docuseries and investigation. It is about proving the innocence of a high schooler who was accused of drawing inappropriate images on cars in the school parking lot.

While the world is busy dealing with all the serious stuff that is happening right now, the American Vandal series will surely relieve some of the tension weighing you down.

Check out these American Vandal quotes to keep you entertained.

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American Vandal quotes by Peter Maldonado

1. “Imagination is what makes us human.” — Peter Maldonado

2. “I know without definitive proof, hope means nothing.” — Peter Maldonado

3. “If you were untouchable, how bold would you be?” — Peter Maldonado

4. “You think he shit his own pants to look innocent?” — Peter Maldonado

5. “After four years, if enough people see you a certain way, do you start to believe they’re right?” — Peter Maldonado

6. “I’ve seen the way an accusation can ruin someone’s life.” — Peter Maldonado

7. “Everyone has something to hide. People withhold information. People exaggerate. People lie.” — Peter Maldonado

8. “We’re the first generation that gets to live twice. Our existences are simultaneously experienced and curated. Presented. Packaged. Polished for our own protection.” — Peter Maldonado

9. “I think that’s why we were suspended, for flying too close to the sun. It tells me we were getting somewhere.” — Peter Maldonado

10. “You did the dicks because he deserved it for ruining your life.” — Peter Maldonado

American Vandal quotes by Kevin McClain

11. “Love had blinded me.” — Kevin McClain

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12. “Everybody sees me as this island. Like I don’t need anything from anyone. I feel like I’m sinking.” — Kevin McClain

13. “To a casual observer, we might have looked like lovebirds. Ironic that it all started with us playing Angry Birds.” — Kevin McClain

14. “The idea that I should care what a bunch of kids at my school think about me… It’s preposterous.” — Kevin McClain

15. “Shat? Shit? Shat my pants? Shit. It’s shit.” — Kevin McClain

16. “You can’t throw a watermelon at me.” — Kevin McClain

American Vandal quotes by DeMarcus Tillman

17. “I think I just wanted it to be real so bad.” — DeMarcus Tillman

18. “A bidet shoot, like, a water stream up your ass. Now, it sounds a little gay, but it’s not at all. It’s hella clean and it’s hella tight.” — DeMarcus Tillman

19. “Like, for instance, did you know dolphins weren’t fish? Dolphins are mammals, bro. That’s crazy. Like, they’re just like us, they just swim.” — DeMarcus Tillman

20. “A lot of people that’s cool, they try to be cool, and that ain’t really cool. But being cool with being a weirdo, I think that’s super cool.” — DeMarcus Tillman

American Vandal quotes by Dylan Maxwell

21. “I’m not, like, book smart or fucking street smart or whatever, but, like I’m not dumb.” — Dylan Maxwell

22. “I signed a dick in a girl’s yearbook this morning.” — Dylan Maxwell

23. “She tells me shit she doesn’t tell anyone else. Dude, she tells me when she’s on her period.”— Dylan Maxwell

24. “I just always thought my first suit would be for, like high-school graduation, or, like, something sick, like the Winter X Games, or like the regular X Games. Or, like my funeral. Not for lame-ass court.” — Dylan Maxwell

25. “I’ve been watching a lot of Judge Judy lately, just, like, kind of preparing and whatnot.” — Dylan Maxwell

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26. “Pro-tip dude. Never post an ugly video of a chick on Instagram, no matter how fucking dumb she looks. Not worth it, dude. She won’t think it’s funny.” — Dylan Maxwell

27. “Mac and I are kinda like orange juice and vodka, you know? We just go together.” — Dylan Maxwell

28. “I just smoked a victory blunt for no reason, and now I’m, like, upsettingly high.” — Dylan Maxwell

29. “The guy said, ‘help me help you.’ Did you hear that? That is some straight-up teacher shit.”— Dylan Maxwell

30. “I lie about all kinds of little stuff like that I understood Inception.” — Dylan Maxwell

31. “As a prankster, you gotta respect another prankster.” — Dylan Maxwell

32. “A little bitch is more like someone who makes shit up.” — Dylan Maxwell

33. “We call ourselves the Wayback Boys ’cause we go way back.” — Dylan Maxwell

34. “Yeah, I never forget the ball hairs. It’s just, it’s such an important part of the dick.” — Dylan Maxwell

American Vandal quotes by Alex Trimboli

35. “Everyone in history has always known that if you text someone ‘heyy’ with two Y’s it means you wanna fuck.” — Alex Trimboli

36. “They say, like, high school is the best years of your life. Um, I know it isn’t for me, but I do think that I’ll look back and I’ll think I killed it.” — Alex Trimboli

37. “It’s not really cool to worry about popularity.” — Alex Trimboli

American Vandal quotes by Sam Ecklund

38. “You could even say he has a passion for dicks.” — Sam Ecklund

39. “No, dude, I don’t think someone would start drawing a dick at the mushroom head. That just doesn’t feel right.” — Sam Ecklund

40. “Period after emojis? That’s, like, serial killer weird.” — Sam Ecklund

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American Vandal quotes by Mr. Kraz

41. “The thing people don’t realize about being a history teacher is, dude, it is so boring.”— Mr. Kraz

42. “She’s like that guy from Game of Thrones. Like, who’s that, like the bald guy that has no dick. She’s just, like, you know, she’s playing the game. Playing everybody.” — Mr. Kraz

American Vandal quotes by other characters

43. “Instagram filter, Snapchat filters. They’re not fucking filters, they’re masks.” — Grayson Wentz

44. “One day everyone wants to be your friend. The next, everyone wants to see you cry.” — Jenna Hawthorne

45. “If they want you to stop talking, they shut you up.” — Trevor Gonzalez

46. “I don’t think it would be appropriate for me, as a teacher to say that he’s a ten. But you know, he’s at least a nine.” — Angela Montgomery

47. “I mean, kids can be really cruel.” — Chloe Lyman

48. “When this is all over, so are you, okay? Because you are nobody, and you’re just mad about it.” — Mackenzie Wagner

49. “Weed’s good for everything.” — Brianna Gagne

50. “Dylan does a better Kiefer Sutherland impression than Kiefer Sutherland.” — Spencer Diaz

Which of these American Vandal quotes is your favorite?

Although the show was already canceled on Netflix, the producers are looking for another platform to continue the fun and hilarious storyline.

If you want a mockumentary series that is not riddled with political satire and an extremely polar agenda, this show is for you!

The show had rave reviews from people all over the world due to the brilliant satirical storytelling and relatable aspects to most viewers.

The combination of teenage nuance and true crime mockery will give you a few giggles from time to time.

So, lighten up a bit and let these American Vandal quotes and sayings give you some fun for today.

Stephanie Kirby
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