Be The Person You Want To Meet
It’s easy to make a list of what you want in a perfect mate—it’s a great place to start because it is easy—but if you are trying to improve your dating success, you can’t stop there.
Knowing what you want is only half the story.
Knowing who you are and what you offer is a big part of the other half.
For many people, it’s easy to dream up the perfect partner.
It’s almost like shopping.
You can use filters for gender, age, height, weight, religion, job, part of the world they live in, etc.
However, if you want to marry a self-made billionaire with homes in Monaco, Malibu, and Berlin, who speaks only Swedish—but you’re a barista in Brooklyn who rarely gets out of the house, you’ve got a discrepancy between who you are and who you want.
The way you’re going to meet that person isn’t immediately obvious.
I’m not saying you can’t follow your dreams, but you need to be the person who can make your dreams come true.
If you aren’t, that’s the best place to invest your energy and make changes.
I hear from lots of men and women with dating complaints.
They post long-winded questions on my relationship forum, detailing the problems with people they’re dating and the dynamics they encountered that aren’t working for them.
Your contributions to the relationship impact your dating success
It’s easy to point fingers.
However, looking in the mirror and asking yourself what your contribution to the relationship is—good or bad—is much more difficult and much less intuitive.
Yet, that’s a big part of relationship success.
Get out of your head and think about what that other person you’ve conjured up in your mind—or have manifested in an actual date—is looking for!
If he or she pays attention to things like fashion and appearances, and you aren’t overly concerned with those things, do you think this will work?
Suppose he’s an intellectual living in Berlin, and you’re watching Cartoon Network religiously and have never left your hometown in Passaic, New Jersey.
Do you think this is going to work?
Why do you think it will work out?
What becoming the person you want to date looks like
Empathizing with the type of person you want to date is critical to your dating success.
What are they looking for on a date?
It can be tricky, but getting it right will increase your dating success.
The very last step in finding a relationship and dating success is to create change in your own life that allows you to become the person your dream date wants to date.
However, you don’t know that person yet, because you haven’t even met them!
You’ve just conjured him or her up.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to become the person you would want to date if you were that dream date.
Would you want to date someone who lives in sweats and tee shirts?
Do you want to date someone who isn’t successful or creative?
Would you want to date someone who lives with their parents?
Decide who you want to date and then be that person.
Want to date someone who takes care of their body?
Then join a gym or buy a bike and use it!
Want to date someone stylish and graceful in every social situation imaginable?
Then get your wardrobe ready!
Polish up your manners and start getting out and interacting in those situations where you’d want your dream date to be.
Take a political science course so you can talk politics with more confidence.
Start going to lectures or fundraisers where you’d want the person you dream of dating to be.
It takes effort and energy to be that person you want to date.
However, the payoff is huge.
You will become someone you, yourself, would want to date.
The chances are good that you’ll meet that person you’re trying to become, all while making your dreams of success come true.