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Best Arrested Development Quotes, Lessons in What NOT to Do

If you loved the show, you will love this collection of funny Arrested Development quotes!

While there is no arguing that the television show Arrested Development is hilarious (and if you are arguing, you are not in on the joke), I like to think of it as a humorous, cautionary tale.

It has lessons about family, integrity, success, honesty, and where we should draw the line to get ahead. It shows us there are very different definitions of success, and that we can have extraordinary success in the most reputable of ways.

Although, if we can take anything from them – besides doing the opposite of what most of they do – it is to do things in life with a sense of humor about ourselves, and a willingness to pick ourselves up each time we fall down.

If you enjoyed the show, here are 100 of their greatest sayings.

The Best Arrested Development One Liners

1. “I’m a monster!” — Buster (don’t we feel like that some mornings?)

2. “There’s always money in the banana stand.” — George Sr. (sometimes we should take things literally)

3. “And that’s why you always leave a note.” — J Walter Weatherman (a lesson to remember)

4. “Ann, you need to decide whether you want a man or a boy. I know how I’d answer.” – Tobias (tape recorder)

5. “I’ve made a huge mistake.” — GOB, and just about everyone else (so true)

6. “I suppose I’m buy-curious.” – Tobias (another argument for the tape recorder)

7. “You must teach me, George Michael. You must teach me the ways of the secular flesh.” – Ann (it is likely not worth begging for Ann)

8. “You’re going to get some hop-ones.” – Michael, about the stair car (perspective and acceptance)

9. “Yes, he’s lost his left hand, so he’s going to be ‘all right.'” – Doctor (another example of thinking about what you say before you say it)

10. “This family is not about to start using. We are pushers, not takers.” – Tobias (not a bad lesson, in the right context)

[Crying] I just want my brother to envy my money, but he’s got that hair. Why can’t I have hair and money, and him nothing? – George Sr. (on trying to find what us unique and strong in each of us)

First of all, we’re doing this for her. Okay? Because neither one of us wants to get divorced. And second, I know you’re the big marriage expert. Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot. Your wife is dead. – Tobias, to Michael (on terrible comebacks and arguments)

Oh now you love the Ten Commandments. Yet, you’re the one who so conveniently forgot “Thou shalt protect thy father and honor no one above him unless it be-it me, thy sweet Lord.” – Gob, to Michael (know your quotes when trying to land a point).

Trevor: It’s not your fault your parents were cousins, but here we are. I’ve been charged with taking care of you, and I’m bloody well going to do it.

Maybe it was the 11 months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus but, he was our miracle baby. I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care so, he turned out a little soft, you know, a little doughy. I don’t know, maybe it was my fault, maybe I ignored the guy. – George Sr., speaking to Michael about Buster, who is sitting right next to them (again, things you don’t say in front of your children)

Gob: Let me ask you something. Is this a business decision, or is it personal? Cause if it’s business I’ll go away happily. But if it’s personal, I’ll go away… but I won’t be happy. (Blatant honesty)

Rita: Well, Michael will be my cousin soon enough, cause we’re getting married! (Think before you speak)

Michael: I *deceived* you. “Tricked” makes it sound like we have a playful relationship. 

Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money. – Gob (on the subtle differences we have to be careful not to overlook)

Greatest Arrested Development Quotes

When Michael Bluth found a bag in the freezer saying, “Dead Dove. Do not eat.” “I don’t know what I expected.”

“Oh it’s so cute. She sometimes takes a little pack of mayonnaise and she’ll squirt it in her mouth all over and then she’ll take an egg and kind of mmm mmm. She calls it a mayonegg.” – George Michael to Michael, about Ann (don’t judge, to each their own)

George Sr. [to Michael]: All right, now look, just because a woman gets pregnant doesn’t mean you have to marry her. Too many lives have been ruined because some cheap waitress at a HoJo said she used an I.U.D.

Lucille: It was Stuckey’s.

George Sr.: But I believed you! (Conversations you should not have in front of your children)

Well, I will tell you this, Michael. I don’t have a son (Narrator: He does), but if I ever do, I’m either going to take him to the cabin in the woods, or I’m going to promise to take him and then not take him. But the one thing that I will never do, is not tell him that I’m taking him to a cabin in the woods and then not take him! – Gob (on broken promises)

Michael: “Are you serious?”

Wayne Jarvis: “Almost always. I was once voted the worst audience participant Cirque du Soleil ever had.” (Maybe there is some personal work to be done)

“Mon volunteered me for the Army.” – Buster (when panic sets in)

“Oh, mom. After all these years, God’s not going to take a call from you.” –Michael (not seeking support and guidance only when we need something)

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Actually, Lindsay was so upset at Michael that she tried meditation to calm herself, but ended up taking a two-hour angry nap. – Narrator (on why coping skills are important)

Lindsay: Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.

Lucille: Not as much as you enjoyed yours. You want your belt to buckle, not your chair. (A lesson in how bad parenting, turns into bad adult parent-child relationships)

Michael was adjusting to his new position as vice president, which meant doing the work of the president, his brother Gob. – Narrator (meaning doing nothing)

“Why should you go to jail for a crime someone else noticed? You don’t need double talk, you need Bob Loblaw.” – Bob Loblaw (because what you did was still illegal and unethical)

Michael [to Gob]: Get rid of the Seaward. (Stubbornness for the sake of being stubborn)

Lucille: I’ll leave when I’m good and ready.

“Steve Holt!” — Steve Holt

GOB: “I’m dating this Christian girl right now. She wants me to be honest and reconnect with my son. And I’m trying to get her to renounce God and [screw] me, but I just want to prove to her that I’m worth it.” (When you are still a work in progress)

“Do you think I could have a hit of the juice box?” – Buster (innocent things can be abused)

Has anyone in this family ever even seen a chicken? – Michael, about the family’s variety of chicken sounds and dances (have good reference material)

Gene Parmesan, how you doing? – Gene Parmesan (the true element of surprise?)

Arrested Development Lucille Quotes

“I mean its one banana Michael. What could it cost, $10?” — Lucille Bluth

“Lucille: I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I went off my post-partum medication.

Michael: You were still taking that? You had Buster 32 years ago.

“And that’s how long I’ve been depressed about him.” ― Lucille Bluth (another entry into the things you do not say in front of your children)

Lucille: I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense. (So much bad parenting, so little time)

Lucille: Get me a vodka rocks.

Michael: Mom, its breakfast.

Lucille: And a piece of toast. (A sign you might have a problem)

“Lucille: Apparently, mood altering medication leads to street drugs. That’s what this very handsome young doctor said on The Today Show.

Michael: That was Tom Cruise, the actor.

Lucille: They said he was some kind of scientist.” (proof that just because you hear it on to, does not make it true)

“I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond to it.” — Lucille Bluth (if only)

Lucille Bluth: I’ll be in the hospital bar.

Michael: Uh, you know there isn’t a hospital bar, Mother.

Lucille: Well, this is why people hate hospitals. [Cackles at her own wit] (Another example you might have a problem)

Lucille: If you’re saying I play favorites, you’re wrong. I love all my children equally.

Suddenly he’s too much of a big shot to brush Mother’s hair. – Lucille, about Buster (healthy boundaries???)

[Flashback to that morning]

Lucille: I don’t care for Gob. (She could write a manual on bad parenting)

Buster: “Mom is becoming a little controlling.”

Michael:” What tipped you off? When she locked you out on the balcony again?”

Buster: “That was half my fault. I thought I saw a graham cracker out there.”

Michael (to Lucille): “You baited the balcony?”

Lucille: “Prove it.” (Try being a good parent first)

Lindsay: I have the afternoon free.

Lucille: Really? Did “nothing” cancel? (What bad parenting and self-esteem crushing looks like)

Michael: Tell me the truth. There’s been a lot of lying in this family

Lucille: And a lot of love.

Michael: More lies. (Sadly the truth)

More Arrested Development Quotes

“Why are you squeezing me with your body (a hug)?” — Michael

“I mean there is so much in life that I haven’t experienced, and now that I’m away from mom I feel like this is my chance to live. I want to dance. I want to make love to a woman. I want to get a checking account. I want to know what it feels like to get my face socked in!” –Buster (we all have different definitions of what it means to experience life and grow up)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, there’s still plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby you got a stew going! – Carl Weathers (learning to live with what we have)

Michael: “Buster, you can’t zip-line over there.”

Buster: “Either I zip down, or he zips up, and that is a mighty long zipper on Mother’s Cher jumpsuit. You have to get on your knees to start it.

Michael: “This is much less scary. Godspeed, Buster.” (When making tough calls)

“Hey, Mom, remember we had that conversation about trying to cut back on things that aren’t necessities?” (Realizing we all have different definitions of necessities)

I just want my kids back. – Tom Jane (playing a part, but a part with the right priorities)

“Do these effectively hide my thunder?” — Tobias (nothing could)

George Sr.: Ban on organized sports?

Buster: You know, how you wouldn’t let me sign up for anything when I was a kid.

George Sr.: Is that what you’ve been thinking all these years? No, no, you were, you were just a turd out there, you know? You couldn’t kick, and you couldn’t run, you know? You’re just a, a turd. (Times when a white lie might be OK)

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Lindsay: I care deeply for nature.

Michael: You’re wearing ostrich-skin boots.

Lindsay: Well, I don’t care about ostriches. (Lindsay is like a walking PETA target)

“I hear the jury’s still out on science.” — GOB

Lindsay: “I hate to say it, but Michael might be right. You need to learn a little discipline.”

Maeby: “Hmmm. Nope. That doesn’t feel right.”

Lindsay: “No, no, no. I am telling you. You are now punished. I punish thee!”

Maeby:” Are you serious? What could you possibly come up with that would punish me?”

Lindsay: “Oh, I have to come up with another thing?” (Realizing you can’t start parenting after years of neglect)

Spoiler Alert: Buster: [Confronting Lucille about his birth father] you lied to me… you said my FATHER was my father, but my UNCLE is my father. MY FATHER IS MY UNCLE. (Lies always have a way of coming out)

Maeby: Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold necklaces with the “T” on it?

Michael: That’s a cross.

Maeby: Across from where? (why we should not stop school at 15…or what we should know by the time we are 5)

I’m going crazy with the boredom, Michael. At least in prison, we had knife fights and we had movie night. And once, both. Those men did not enjoy “Soap dish.” I think you have to know that world. – George Sr. (on perspective…)

Gob: And guess what else? Dad kissed me!

Michael: How? He looked pretty unconscious in that picture.

Gob: I didn’t say he was totally into it! (Even as adults we are still trying to gain our parents approval)

Stan Sitwell: The only thing I ask is out of the 450 homes we build, one be given to a disadvantaged family from the inner city.

Gob: That’s great, so the other 449 families live in fear? Is that what we’re saying? Come on! (Entitlement and assumptions)

“Army had a half day.” — Buster (not sure It works like that)

I don’t think us sleeping together is working out. You’re a grown man; you should be living with your mother. – Michael, to Buster (again, thinking about our definitions of growing up)

“Marry Me!” — Maeby (perhaps the worst stop a conversation line ever)

George Michael: I have Pop Pop in the attic.

Michael: What? The mere fact that you call “making love” Pop Pop tells me that you’re not ready. (active listening is a good communication skill to develop)

Buster so excelled at being neither seen nor heard that he remained at the school undetected for a full two semesters after he was supposed to graduate. – Narrator (Standing out is a good thing, unless you are a Navy Seal)

“And that’s why…”

“No touching!” — Prison guards (heard often)

“Michael: And you finished off the whole bottle?

Lindsay Funke: I had to. it’s vodka. It goes bad once it’s opened.

Michael: I think that’s another of mom’s fibs, like “I’ll sacrifice anything for my children”.” (when bad parenting has rolled downhill)

Michael: I really think the reason you and I always fight is that, since we were little, Dad’s always played us off each other.

Gob: Dad always said that was your fault. (An example of lacking insight)

Annyong! – Annyong (perhaps learning the meaning of things)

“Say goodbye to these!” — Kitty (insert imagination)

Jessie: Hi George Michael, proud of yourself?

George Michael: Yeah actually, I got a bum away from the stand without hurting his feelings. That was pretty sweet. (Taking joy in the small, and humane, victories)

I’m not sure how “Solid as a Rock” helps people forget that we built houses in Iraq. – Michael, to Gob (an example of a bad marketing idea)

Michael: I thought Buster had everything under control. I thought you’ve been going in to the office.

Buster: Yes, and I’ve enjoyed that. It’s just that I was constantly being called to the phone, or I was asked a question, or I was being resuscitated and it was really hard to get a good work flow going. (When we have never learned a good work ethic)

“This party is going to be off. The. Hook.” — Buster (interestingly, pre-accident)

“I’d have to get up pretty early in the morning to get drunk by 1 o’ clock.” ― Lucille Bluth (and yet another clue you might have a problem)

Hey brother. – Buster (appreciating innocence)

Oh, a pregnancy test. There’s something we never had, huh, Lindsay? No, we had to create our little Frankenstein monster out of science, and money, and just a dash of [notices Maeby has entered] Maeby…would…how…how long have you been standing there? – Tobias (checking your area before speaking)

“There are dozens of us. Dozens!” — Tobias (there is power in numbers…usually a little more)

I’m sorry, I’m just still on the whole “Michael being likable” thing. You know he’s only had sex with like four women, right? – Gob (learn to attack the issue and not each other)

Michael: We’ve got a picture of you with Saddam Hussein.

George Sr.: I thought that was the guy who played the Soup Nazi. I told him how much I liked his work! (Always know who you are associating with)

Okay, guys, um… they are going to keep Dad in prison at least until this gets all sorted out. Also, the attorney said that they’re going to have to put a halt on the company’s expense account. [The others gasp.] Interesting. I would’ve expected that after “They’re keeping Dad in jail.” (An indication our priorities are out of whack)

“You buy yourself a tape recorder, you just record yourself for a whole day. I think you’re going to be surprised at some of your phrasing.” — Michael (we might all be, but not as much as Tobias)

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Barry Zuckerkorn: So basically you’re about 2,000 shares short of being the majority stock holders. Now unfortunately it’s a private stock so you cannot just buy up the shares unless someone is willing to sell

Michael: Are you sure?

Barry Zuckerkorn: That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves” (reasons we check references)

It’s almost like we’re finishing each other’s…sandwiches. (You are not as close as you imagine you are)

Michael, you can save this family. Please, do the right thing here. String this blind girl along so that Dad doesn’t have to pay his debt to society. – Gob (learning what doing the right thing really means)

Dinner’s ready! We’re having Lindsay chops. What? I want her to be prepared in case some bully at school is as clever as I am. – Lucille, to young Michael and Lindsay (an early lesson in what NOT to do as a parent)

But Gob mistook Michael’s basic human decency for a romantic interest, and felt a competitive urge to step in. – Narrator (the skill of learning to properly read others)

Tobias: What are you doing up here?

George Sr.: I’m having a [bleep]ing tea party, what does it look like I’m doing? [Shoves Tobias against the wall and covers his mouth with his hand] I’m living up here and if you tell anyone about this, I will [bleep] in kill you. Ah, stop licking my hand, you horse’s ass. (An example of how just because one person has bad behavior, does not mean we must in kind)

“I’m afraid I just blue myself.” — Tobias (when trying out for Blue Man Group)

We’re all just going to have a more normal arrangement. I’m going to sleep with my daughter, and you’re going to sleep with my husband. – Lindsay, to George Michael (realizing that all families have their issues)

Portugal? Gonne live it up down old’ South America way, eh Mikey? – Gob (pay attention in Geography)

Let’s just make Ann the backup. Okay? Very good way to think about her. As a backup. –Michael, to George Michael (when we can’t be honest with loved ones about a topic)

Great, so now we don’t have a car or a jet? Why don’t we just take an ad out in “I’m Poor” magazine? – Lindsay (it’s all about perspective)

Gob: I should be in-charge. I’m the older brother.

Michael: Do you even want to be in charge?

Gob: No… But I’d like to be asked! (Don’t we all?)

Don’t forget to also check out these Letterkenny quotes that will make you want to pack up and move to Canada.

Other Arrested Development quotes

“Clinicians have told me that our emotional is arrested at the age that an eating disorder takes control of our lives. After we recover, we pick up emotionally where we left off at that age.” – Jenni Schaefer

“Senile decay seemed already to have laid its hand on him while he was still in the grip of arrested development.” – Anthony Powell

“She was a freak. My sister was a freak of nature. I wasn’t quite sure how to feel. Here I’d been so looking forward to meeting her, and she was making me uncomfortable. I forced as much of it as I could back. I wanted to love her, wanted to be as excited about this moment as I’d hoped I would be.” – Clare Urbanski

“I’d rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona.” – Lucille Bluth

“If I still had money I’d buy a Klimpy’s just to burn it to the ground.” – Lucille Bluth

“You’re not a moron. You’re only a case of arrested development.” – Ernest Hemingway

“Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over an analyst and a therapist. The world’s first analrapist.” – Tobias Fünke

“Michael, you are quite the cupid. You can stick an arrow in my buttocks any time.” – Tobias Fünke

“I want my family back. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I want to reunite the band.” – Tobias Fünke

“My gut is telling me no… but my gut is also very hungry.” – Gob

“Well, I’m not the president, so I don’t deserve a fancy phone.” – Gob

Memorable Arrested Development quotes

“I love all my children equally.” – Lucille

“I still can’t believe he’s going into the Army.” – Lucille

“Buster’s jaw clicks when he eats.” – Lucille

“Then why are you throwing him a party?” – Lucille

“You see, if I show up with you, it’ll just make me seem like I’m a mother.” – Lindsay Bluth

“Michael, it was shoplifting, and I’m white. I think I’m going to be ok.” – Lindsay Bluth

“So I didn’t even fail, and I don’t see you giving me credit for that.” – Lindsay Bluth

“Well, you know, maybe I would be more attracted to you if you were in better shape. You know, if you were just more muscular and masculine. Does that make me shallow?” – Lindsay Bluth

“There’s a cream with real diamonds in it… I can actually smear diamonds on my face, and it’s only $400 a tub! That’s like, what? A million diamonds for $400? A million f*cking diamonds!”  – Lindsay Bluth“And they have normal toilets, right?” – Lindsay Bluth

Did you find your favorite Arrested Development quotes here?

I hope that you enjoyed reading these Arrested Development quotes, as much as I enjoyed finding them.

Remember that there are lessons and inspiration all around us, and if it can even be found in a humorous outlet now and then, all the better!

Dr. Nikki Martinez, Lead Contributor
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