25 Better Off Dead Quotes from the Dark Comedy

Get ready for some dark humor with these classic Better Off Dead quotes.

Better Off Dead is a morbid humor movie released in 1985, written and directed by Savage Steve Holland.

The movie stars John Cusack, Curtis Armstrong, Diane Franklin, and Kim Darby.

Upon release, the movie was met with poor critical reviews but received mediocre to good reviews from the audience.

The film grossed $10.3 million at the box office against a $3.5 million budget.

The movie’s plot follows teenager Lane Myer who contemplates suicide after his girlfriend breaks up with him.

As Lane tries some unsuccessful yet comedic attempts at suicide, he must learn what is important to him in life.

Look at these Better Off Dead Quotes to learn more about the movie.

Memorable Better Off Dead Quotes

Enjoy these memorable quotes from the film.

1. “Beth just dumped me.” — Lane Meyer

2. “Suicide is never the answer, little trooper.” — Charles De Mar

3. “I’m going to race, I’m going to lose, and I’m going to die.” — Lane Meyer

4. “Buck up, little camper, we’ll beat that slope together.” — Charles De Mar

5. “She only speaks French, Roy. She doesn’t speak imbecile.” — Lane Myer

6. “You must obey the proper speed limits; a car is not a toy.” — Ricky Smith

7. “This isn’t funny, Charles! If I don’t have a dream, I have nothing.” — Lane Meyer

8. “You said you didn’t like all the grease from fried bacon, so I boiled it.” — Jenny Meyer

9. “I think all you need is a small taste of success, and you will find it suits you.” — Monique Junot

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10. “This is a fabulous liqueur. Reminds me of the moonshine Ricky’s dead pappy used to make—God bless him.” — Mrs. Smith

More Better Off Dead Quotes from Charles De Mar

Here are some quotes from Lane’s best friend, Charles De Mar.

11. “Man, you’re the hottest thing since sunburns!” — Charles De Mar

12. “Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.” — Charles De Mar

13. “And dying when you’re not really sick is really sick, you know. Really!” — Charles De Mar

14. “You make a gnarly run like that, and girls will get sterile just looking at you.” — Charles De Mar

15. “I’ve been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I’m no dummy. I know high school girls.” — Charles De Mar

16. “C’mon dude, It’s Christmas Eve. I could be home right now, drinking this monster eggnog my brother makes with lighter fluid.” — Charles De Mar

17. “Greendale is a bodaciously small town, Lane. A fly speck on the map, a rest stop on the way to the ski slope. I can’t even get real drugs here!” — Charles De Mar

More Better Off Dead Quotes

Here are a few more movie lines for fans of the film.

18. “What is Lane doing up at this hour on a Sunday? Doesn’t he turn to dust or something if the sun hits him before noon?” — Al Meyer

19. “I have a great fear of tools. I once made a birdhouse in woodshop, and the fair housing committee condemned it. I can’t.” — Lane Myer

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20. “Hey there, Lane, I know this is a little awkward, me being a cartoon and all, I was just wondering how you’d feel if I took out Beth.” — Barney Rubble

21. “Gee, I’m really sorry your mom blew up, Ricky. The doctor says she’ll be okay, but she won’t be able to eat any spicy foods for a while.” — Lane Meyer

22. “I figured if we had nothing to say to each other, he would get bored; go away. But instead, he uses it as an excuse to put his testicles all over me.” — Monique Junot

23. “The once great champ is now a study in moppishness. No longer the victory-hungry stallion we’ve raced so many times before, but a pathetic, washed up, aged ex-champion.” — Yee Sook Ree

24. “I got the recipe from a magazine. The mail got wet in the rain, so some of the pages ran together, but what I couldn’t read, I just—improvised with my own little—creative ideas. It’s got raisins in it. You like raisins.” — Jenny Smith

25. “See… the problem here is that… my little brother, this morning, got his arm caught in the microwave, and uh… my grandmother dropped acid, and she freaked out and hijacked a school bus full of… penguins, so it’s kind of a family crisis… so come back later? Great.” — Lane Myer

What Happens to Lane?

With the help of his best friend Charles de Mar and a new girl named Monique, Lane starts to get his confidence back and find out what he wants in life.

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Eventually, Lane challenges the guy that stole his girlfriend to a ski race, and when Lane wins, he rejects his old girlfriend and kisses Monique.

Share these Better Off Dead quotes with your friends and family, and let us know your favorite in the comment section below.

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