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Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Quotes to Make You Laugh

Recalling the one-of-a-kind sitcom with these Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt quotes.

The series Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt was a roller coaster ride of laughter and weirdness.

The story is about Kimmy Schmidt, a girl abducted and confined in an underground bunker along with 3 other girls for 15 years. They were led to believe that the world ended, and they are the only survivors of a catastrophic nuclear meltdown.

The girls were eventually rescued after so many years of isolation. This ecstatic situation started the chain of drama and dilemma for Kimmy and the others.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Quotes to Make You Laugh

The giddy atmosphere and unique storytelling of this series captivated thousands of fans across America and left them wanting for more even as the series ends.

These Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt quotes will give you a shot of nostalgia and fun as you read along.

Don’t forget to also check out these House of Cards quotes from the iconic show.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt quotes from Lillian Kaushtupper

1. “Hey, can I borrow a cup of flour? Some white kids outside want cocaine…” — Lillian Kaushtupper

2. “Wish me lick! You heard me.” — Lillian Kaushtupper

3. “I was breaking into the Fed naked with ‘OPEC’ written on me in pig’s blood before you were even a twinkle in the eye of the dog that mounted your mom.” — Lillian Kaushtupper

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt quotes from Titus Andromedon

4. “This musical is going to be a lop. which is a flop which couldn’t give an F.” — Titus Andromedon

5. “Last night after a box of key lime wine and some shame-spiraling, I decided to give all my Barbies perms. Some of them don’t have the face for it.” — Titus Andromedon

6. “I should have been a doctor. I look amazing in white, my handwriting is terrible, and I love telling people to take their pants off and just leaving and then making them sit there for an hour.” — Titus Andromedon

7. “Don’t thank her, you are rich now, and rich people can do whatever we want.” ― Titus Andromedon

8. “I’m an actor, I can act like I got strong.” ― Titus Andromedon

9. “Dream inspired by true events.” ― Titus Andromedon

10. “I once went to an open audition and it was just a bum fight.” — Titus Andromedon

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11. “Black, gay and old? I’m not gonna know which box to check on the hate crime form.” — Titus Andromedon

12. “Ugh, that crown I got for being prom king was so tacky I hardly even wear it anymore.” — Titus Andromedon

13. “I am a prickly gay man. And not just because I fell into a cactus while stealing apples from a botanical garden.” — Titus Andromedon

14. “Girl, you need to stop, drop and roll. by which I mean stop talking, drop the subject and get me a cinnamon roll.” — Titus Andromedon

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt quotes from Kimmy Schmidt

15. “Someone just put the ‘neato’ in incognito!” — Kimmy Schmidt

16. “All burps smell bad. They’re the farts of the face.” — Kimmy Schmidt

17. “How do you choose between fancy and fun?” ― Kimmy Schmidt

18. “That dress is going to be the party on my body that everyone is invited to.” ― Kimmy Schmidt

19. “Don’t worry, the wedding is indoors. So if it rains and melts, the candy won’t attract bees.” ― Kimmy Schmidt

20. “Titus’ man purse is gonna be all over you.” ― Kimmy Schmidt

21. “I wish I had your quick wit.” ― Kimmy Schmidt

22. “The entire time I was in the bunker, I had a whole other book I didn’t even know about. 100 books actually cause it’s a pick your own journey, where you can decide how the stories go.” ― Kimmy Schmidt

23. “Fredrick, you just can’t start talking about normal in that cartoon fox Robinhood accent. You know it gets my motor going.” ― Kimmy Schmidt

24. “Oh, the chompers are out. How about this move? It’s called the fish hook.” ― Kimmy Schmidt

25. “I wouldn’t change a thing. The end.” ― Kimmy Schmidt

26. “I gotta get my book on.” ― Kimmy Schmidt

27. “Don’t worry about me. I’m like a biscotti. People act like I’m this sweet cookie, but I’m really this super hard thing that nobody knows what I am or why I am.” — Kimmy Schmidt

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt quotes from Fredrick

28. “I spent most of my life in the company of my Nanny, Fiona.” ― Fredrick

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29. “Don’t be cross with my family, darling. After all I am marrying commoner trash. Their words.” ― Fredrick

30. “We got so sunburned we had to pee on each other until someone told us that was for jellyfish not sunburns.” ― Fredrick

31. “Wow you read a whole book. And you will never guess what I rhymed with Kimmy, shimmy. Ah, bugger.” ― Fredrick

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt quotes from other characters

32. “Some of my best statues are of Indians.” — Duke

33. “Does that woman really think i’m my own twin brother? of course she does. she’s hooked up with both of us.” — Danford

34. “I’m sorry, I’ve been burned before and I was recently engaged to what turned out to be a hologram controlled by a Turkish hacker. I just need to take it slow.” — Russ Snyder

35. “Dolphins are rapists. Look it up.” — Andrea Bayden

36. “This is your PTSD coming to ruin your relationship.” ― Donna Marie

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt quotes from memorable conversations within the show

37. Jacqueline White: “Titus, I’m going to give it to you straight.”

Titus Andromedon: “Gross!”

38. Professor Rick: “Jason just got a callback for Hamilton so we need you to cover his shift.”

39. Titus Andromedon: “Why didn’t I get an audition for that? They’re just prejudiced because I can’t rap or walk quickly in a circle.”

40. Titus Andromedon: “Kimbecile, what do I always say?”

Kimmy Schmidt: “Don’t touch my dolls, they’re strictly look-upons.”

Titus Andromedon: “Not that.”

Kimmy Schmidt: “Only Aladdin can pull off harem pants?”

Titus Andromedon: “Nor that.”

Kimmy Schmidt: John “Cusack got fat but I still would?”

Titus Andromedon: “No, get the digits! The digits! Oh, look at us, both having man problems.”

41. Kimmy Schmidt: “Is that why you’ve been shouting so much in the bathroom?”

Titus Andromedon: “No, that’s because of cheese.”

42. Kimmy Schmidt: “You look bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.”

Jacqueline Voorhees: “No, I got that lasered off.”

43. Kimmy Schmidt: “I’m never gonna get my high school diploma! I need Dong.”

Titus Andromedon: “Trust me, that’s not gonna solve all your problems.”

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44. Kimmy Schmidt: “Dong is the name of the Vietnamese guy in my class. He’s good at math.”

Titus Andromedon: “That’s racist!”

Kimmy Schmidt: “But he is good at math.”

Titus Andromedon: “I don’t make the rules.”

45. Randy: “Hey! What did I tell you about using sarcasm, little lady?”

Kimmy: “That you don’t know how to use it.”

46. Kimmy Schmidt: “Your comforter smells terrible.”

Titus Andromedon: “It’s my cologne—Dutch Oven.”

47. Titus Andromedon: “I will be performing a wholly original song. The idea came to me in a dream last afternoon. It’s called ‘Pinot Noir’…”

Lillian Kaushtupper: “Classy.”

Titus Andromedon: “…An Ode to Black Penis.”

Lillian Kaushtupper: “I assumed.”

48. Xanthippe Voorhees: “Hey, Kimmy, 1996 called. It wants its clothes back.”

Kimmy Schmidt: “Hey, Xan, 2090 called. You’re dead and you wasted your time on earth.”

49. Titus Andromedon: “That boy is gay.”

Kimmy Schmidt: “He’s not gay. Gay hasn’t even gotten to Indiana yet. There are rumors about Ohio.”

50. Xanthippe Voorhees: “You don’t have a cell phone?”

Kimmy Schmidt: “Well I had a cell phone, Xan. Obvs. But I lost it. At the zoo. A monkey took it and she wouldn’t give it back. Yeah, Xan. The monkey was a woman. Women can be anything these days.”

51. Jacqueline Voorhees: “I look so sad. What filter is this?”

Kimmy Schmidt: “None! Hash brown no filter!”

Which of these Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt quotes is your favorite?

This series shows us the vulnerability of life and how important it is to experience it to the fullest.

Kimmy Schmidt is a girl who experienced extreme isolation and wanted to connect with the world.

And she learned to find joy again in life, she found a crazy wild adventure with friends and people who truly mattered.

No matter how light or how comedic this series is, there’s no denying how much it appeals to our internal self.

Despite being isolated for over a decade, Kimmy experienced life and became freer than most people around her.

So let these Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt quotes and sayings be a fun and exciting reminder of how this show made our worries feel a little lighter.

Stephanie Kirby
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