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Bill Hicks Quotes From The Hit Comic

Known throughout the world as one of the best comedians of all time, these Bill Hicks quotes will make you laugh while simultaneously questioning humanity, life, and everything in between.

Bill Hicks was a professional stand-up comedian in the 80s and early 90s. Inspired by Woody Allen on The Tonight Show, Bill started performing in clubs as a teenager.

His parents were devout Southern Baptists and were adamantly against Hicks’ career. Despite their disapproval, Hicks would often sneak out of a window in the middle of the night in order to perform on stage.

Most of Hicks’ comedy material communicated his criticism of society, politics, religion, and consumerism. Though funny, his jokes would often take on a darker, more cynical tone. The audience would often leave thinking more philosophical thoughts than they probably intended when they first entered the club that evening.

Don’t forge to also check out these Woody Allen quotes about life, love and his movies.

Funny but dark and cynical Bill Hicks quotes

1. “I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.” – Bill Hicks

2. “Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.” – Bill Hicks

3. “It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.” – Bill Hicks

4. “We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that right?” – Bill Hicks

5. “I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, ‘My dad can beat up your dad.’ I’d say, ‘Yeah? When?’” – Bill Hicks

6. “The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That’s pretty fucking cruel, isn’t it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too?” – Bill Hicks

7. “I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, ‘What’s wrong?’ Nothing. ‘Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.’ Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?” – Bill Hicks

8. “It’s great to be here. I thank you. Ah, I’ve been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plow through this shit one more time.” – Bill Hicks

9. “When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.” – Bill Hicks

10. “There’s no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we’re the imagination of ourselves. Here’s Tom with the weather.” – Bill Hicks

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Other famous Bill Hicks quotes

11. “I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night.” – Bill Hicks

12. “They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you’re high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it’s not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference.” — Bill Hicks

13. “Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full-time job and children.” — Bill Hicks

14. “If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD’s and burn them.” — Bill Hicks

15. “I have never seen two people on pot get in a fight because it is fucking IMPOSSIBLE. “Hey, buddy!” “Hey, what?” “Ummmmmmm….” End of argument.” — Bill Hicks

16. “I loved when Bush came out and said, ‘We are losing the war against drugs.’ You know what that implies? There’s a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.” — Bill Hicks

17. “I can’t watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.” — Bill Hicks

18. “I’m sorry if any of you are Catholic. I’m not sorry if you’re offended, I’m actually just sorry by the fact that you’re Catholic.” — Bill Hicks

19. “Not all drugs are good… Some of them are great.” — Bill Hicks

Best Bill Hicks quotes about life

20. “We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.” – Bill Hicks

21. “Folks, it’s time to evolve. That’s why we’re troubled.” – Bill Hicks

22. “I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” – Bill Hicks

23. “This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions.” – Bill Hicks

24. “The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it’s real because that’s how powerful our minds are.” – Bill Hicks

25. “It is, and has been, and will forever be, this world of ours, a fucking joke.” – Bill Hicks

26. “It’s all about money, not freedom. You think you’re free? Try going somewhere without money.” – Bill Hicks

27. “It’s just a ride.” — Bill Hicks

Bill Hicks quotes on humanity

28. “I’m tired of this back-slappin’ “isn’t humanity neat” bullshit. We’re a virus with shoes.” — Bill Hicks

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29. “If you want to understand a society, take a good look at the drugs it uses. And what can this tell you about American culture? Well, look at the drugs we use. Except for pharmaceutical poison, there are essentially only two drugs that Western civilization tolerates: Caffeine from Monday to Friday to energize you enough to make you a productive member of society, and alcohol from Friday to Monday to keep you too stupid to figure out the prison that you are living in.” — Bill Hicks

30. “I’m glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, “My God! I love everything.” Yeah, now if that isn’t a hazard to our country … how are we gonna justify arms dealing when we realize that we’re all one?” — Bill Hicks

31. “Folks, it’s time to evolve. That’s why we’re troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything’s failing? It’s because, um – they’re no longer relevant. We’re supposed to keep evolving.” — Bill Hicks

32. “People often ask me where I stand politically. It’s not that I disagree with Bush’s economic policy or his foreign policy, it’s that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.” — Bill Hicks

33. “Here you go, America! You are free to do what we tell you! You are free to do what we tell you!” — Bill Hicks

34. “The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions.” — Bill Hicks

Profound Bill Hicks quotes and sayings

35. “Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.” – Bill Hicks

36. “I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul.” – Bill Hicks

37. “Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.” – Bill Hicks

38. “Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.” – Bill Hicks

39. “We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.” – Bill Hicks

40. “Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration – that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively.” – Bill Hicks

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41. “I believe everyone has this f*ckin’ poem in his heart.” — Bill Hicks

More Bill Hicks quotes

42. “I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative. I don’t like anything in the mainstream and they don’t like me.” – Bill Hicks

43. “What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, or take into my body as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?” – Bill Hicks

44. “Go back to bed, America. Your government has figured out how it all transpired. Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control again.” – Bill Hicks

45. “Wouldn’t that be news-worthy, just the once? To base your decision on information rather than scare tactics and superstition and lies?” – Bill Hicks

46. “It’s not a war on drugs, it’s a war on personal freedom.” – Bill Hicks

47. “The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they’ve never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people’s minds, exposing them to the light.” – Bill Hicks

48. “Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?” — Bill Hicks

49. “I ascribe to Mark Twain’s theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.” — Bill Hicks

50. “I think drugs have done some good things for us. I really do.” — Bill Hicks

Which Bill Hicks quote did you like the most?

Bill Hicks began gaining popularity in his twenties and became known as the King of the Texas Outlaw Comedians, a group of local comedians in Houston, Texas. In the early 90s, Hicks gained a cult following in Britain where they loved his edgy critique of the American Dream.

Sadly, Hicks died before his time at the age of 32 from pancreatic cancer. His team released several comedy albums after his death and Hicks’ work became more popular than ever. He was listed twice in Channel 4’s “100 Greatest Stand-Up Comics” both in 2007 and 2010. In 2017, Rolling Stones listed him in their list of the 50 best stand-up comics of all time.

Did you enjoy these Bill Hicks quotes and sayings? Which quote was your favorite? Let us know in the comments below!

Sckylar Gibby-Brown
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