25 Bill Hicks Quotes From The Hit Comic

Known throughout the world as one of the best comedians of all time, these Bill Hicks quotes will make you laugh while simultaneously questioning humanity, life, and everything in between.

Bill Hicks was a professional stand-up comedian in the 80s and early 90s.

Inspired by Woody Allen on The Tonight Show, Bill started performing in clubs as a teenager.

His parents were devout Southern Baptists and were adamantly against Hicks’ career.

Despite their disapproval, Hicks would often sneak out of a window in the middle of the night in order to perform on stage.

Most of Hicks’ comedy material communicated his criticism of society, politics, religion, and consumerism.

Though funny, his jokes would often take on a darker, more cynical tone.

The audience would often leave thinking more philosophical thoughts than they probably intended when they first entered the club that evening.

Don’t forge to also check out these Woody Allen quotes about life, love and his movies.

Check out our most popular quote article, a list of short inspirational quotes for daily inspiration.

Check out our entire collection of motivational quotes here. 

Funny but dark and cynical Bill Hicks quotes

1. “I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.” – Bill Hicks

2. “Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.” – Bill Hicks

3. “It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.” – Bill Hicks

4. “We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that right?” – Bill Hicks

5. “I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, ‘My dad can beat up your dad.’ I’d say, ‘Yeah? When?’” – Bill Hicks

6. “The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That’s pretty fucking cruel, isn’t it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too?” – Bill Hicks

7. “I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, ‘What’s wrong?’ Nothing. ‘Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.’ Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?” – Bill Hicks

8. “It’s great to be here. I thank you. Ah, I’ve been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plow through this shit one more time.” – Bill Hicks

9. “When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.” – Bill Hicks

10. “There’s no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we’re the imagination of ourselves. Here’s Tom with the weather.” – Bill Hicks

Other famous Bill Hicks quotes

11. “I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night.” – Bill Hicks

12. “They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you’re high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it’s not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference.” — Bill Hicks

13. “Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full-time job and children.” — Bill Hicks

14. “If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD’s and burn them.” — Bill Hicks

15. “I have never seen two people on pot get in a fight because it is fucking IMPOSSIBLE. “Hey, buddy!” “Hey, what?” “Ummmmmmm….” End of argument.” — Bill Hicks

16. “I loved when Bush came out and said, ‘We are losing the war against drugs.’ You know what that implies? There’s a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.” — Bill Hicks

17. “I can’t watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.” — Bill Hicks

18. “I’m sorry if any of you are Catholic. I’m not sorry if you’re offended, I’m actually just sorry by the fact that you’re Catholic.” — Bill Hicks

19. “Not all drugs are good… Some of them are great.” — Bill Hicks

Best Bill Hicks quotes about life

20. “We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.” – Bill Hicks

21. “Folks, it’s time to evolve. That’s why we’re troubled.” – Bill Hicks

22. “I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” – Bill Hicks

23. “This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions.” – Bill Hicks

24. “The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it’s real because that’s how powerful our minds are.” – Bill Hicks

25. “It is, and has been, and will forever be, this world of ours, a fucking joke.” – Bill Hicks

Which Bill Hicks quote did you like the most?

Bill Hicks began gaining popularity in his twenties and became known as the King of the Texas Outlaw Comedians, a group of local comedians in Houston, Texas.

In the early 90s, Hicks gained a cult following in Britain where they loved his edgy critique of the American Dream.

Sadly, Hicks died before his time at the age of 32 from pancreatic cancer.

His team released several comedy albums after his death and Hicks’ work became more popular than ever.

He was listed twice in Channel 4’s “100 Greatest Stand-Up Comics” both in 2007 and 2010.

In 2017, Rolling Stones listed him in their list of the 50 best stand-up comics of all time.

Did you enjoy these Bill Hicks quotes and sayings?

Which quote was your favorite?

Let us know in the comments below!