Our latest collection of Woody Allen quotes on Everyday Power.
Woody Allen, whose real first name is Heywood, is an is an American film director, writer, actor, and comedian.
His career, which has span over many decades, began with writing material for television in the 1950s.
Allen was no stranger to writing as he also published several books featuring short stories.
He even wrote humor pieces for The New Yorker.
By the 1960s Allen was performing stand-up comedy with people like Joan Rivers.
He also released several comedy albums.
Just a few short years later Woody Allen was writing and directing films.
He started out with comedies before moving to more dramatic films in the 70s.
Allen also made sure to star in some of his films, making him an actor too!
Many of his roles enabled him to play the persona he developed when he did stand-up.
Keep reading through these Woody Allen quotes to learn more about his career and personal life!
If you like this article, we suggest you explore our most popular quotes article, a list of short inspirational quotes for daily encouragement.
Read more related content on our inspirational quotes category page.
Straight to the point Woody Allen quotes
1. “I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.” – Woody Allen
Everyday Application: Sure, this can be a bit embarrassing, but have you ever laughed that hard? It is an incredible feeling to laugh and share joy with others. This will be a moment you won’t forget.
2. “God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.” – Woody Allen
3. “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” – Woody Allen
4. “Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.” – Woody Allen
5. “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” – Woody Allen
Everyday Application: Take that first step of action. How many great ideas have you had, but never pursued? We have to give our ideas a chance to be successful, and that means showing up. Be ready to put in the work and you will be amazed at what happens.
6. “Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.” – Woody Allen
Everyday Application: Life is short, and we never know how much time we have. Misery, loneliness, and suffering are all a part of life at times. However, they are the flip side of joy, love, and thriving. Be grateful for all aspects of life while you here.
7. “All I can do is wait for it.” – Woody Allen
Everyday Application: This doesn’t mean sit back and not take any kind of action towards your goals. It means just recognizing that it might not be time yet for the outcome you are looking for, so you will need to continue to work, grow, and develop. Patience is necessary, not idleness.
8. “Tradition is the illusion of permanence.” – Woody Allen
Everyday Application: Impermanence, or the philosophical problem of change, is a central part of the Buddhist religion. It also appears in many other Eastern religions. Basically, it states that nothing is permanent. Tradition is our way of trying to make things feel permanent by resisting change. However, change is good and necessary!
9. “I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen
Everyday Application: Unfortunately, you will likely be there when you die, but there goes Woody Allen and his humor again. Fearing death seems to be an exercise with no reward. Death is going to happen to all of us. Focusing more on how you live, than how you will die or what happens after, night be a better use of your time here.
10. “My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.” – Woody Allen
Everyday Application: We have probably all had a self-deprecating thought like this at one point or another. However, those don’t do us any good. Instead, find comfort in the fact that you are uniquely you, and no one else could do a better job at it!
Also, check out these Atheist quotes that will make you ask valuable questions.
Woody Allen Quotes About Life and Love
11. “What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.” – Woody Allen
Everyday Application: This is one of those moments that remind us that even deep philosophical problems can benefit from a little humor. Seriously, though, if everything is an illusion, then this is a good time to remind you that stressing about things is pointless!
12. “Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.” – Woody Allen
13. “Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.” – Woody Allen
Everyday Application: Aside from the clear indication that sex is enjoyable, this quote teaches a good lesson. Just because something doesn’t have the meaning or profoundness that you think it should, doesn’t mean that it has no value. Is anything really meaningless?
14. “The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.” – Woody Allen
15. “The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don’t have.” – Woody Allen
Everyday Application: Practice gratitude. The more you can be thankful for the happier you will be. This article about gratitude explains why it helps you stay positive and feeling blessed.
16. “There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?” – Woody Allen
Woody Allen quotes from his movies and films
17. “Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.” – Woody Allen
18. “To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.” – Woody Allen
19. “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don’t want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.” – Woody Allen
20. “I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That’s the two categories. The horrible are like, I don’t know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don’t know how they get through life. It’s amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you’re miserable, because that’s very lucky, to be miserable.” – Woody Allen
21. “I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot.” – Woody Allen
Insightful Woody Allen Quotes
22. “There have been times when I’ve thought of suicide but with my luck it’d probably be a temporary solution.” – Woody Allen
Everyday Application: Suicide and mental health is not anything to joke about. However, this Woody Allen quote reminds me of a different quote: suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Almost all of our problems will not matter in five weeks, five months, or five years. If we could reframe our thoughts to look at problems differently, we would all have less stress. If you are struggling with grief or suicidal thoughts, please reach out to a therapist. Your life matters.
23. “It figures you’ve got to hate yourself if you’ve got any integrity at all.” – Woody Allen
24. “I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I’m never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts.” – Woody Allen
Everyday Application: How much of your energy are you spending trying to find answers to questions like “What is my purpose?” and “Why are we here?” You have a purpose and a reason for being on this Earth. You will likely figure it all out when you learn to live in the moment, be grateful for things, and enjoy life. Check out this article for more about finding your purpose.
25. “What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn’t for certain people.” – Woody Allen
Everyday Application: Here is the good news…you can make your world infinitely better by removing the toxic people from your life. The people who drain your energy or cause you strife do not have to exist in your world, regardless of who they are. Another piece of good news? You can learn how to cut out toxic people and not feel guilty!
26. “We’re worth a lot of dough. Whatever you see is antiques. This thing here. This is from — I don’t remember exactly. I think it’s the Renaissance or the Magna Carta or something. But that’s where it’s from.” – Woody Allen
27. “My relationship with death remains the same – I’m strongly against it.” – Woody Allen
Everyday Application: People have lots of different beliefs about death. Some fear it, some welcome it because they believe they will be reunited with their loved ones, and others just strongly try to avoid it. The only thing we can know for sure about death is that it is inevitable for us human beings. We can spend our lives being consumed by what happens after we die, or we can live our lives in the here and now, as if each day could be our last. The sad truth is that any day really could be our last.
Motivational Woody Allen Quotes
28. “Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.” – Woody Allen
Everyday Application: Most of us would prefer to have more than enough money versus not having enough. However, what classifies as ‘poverty?’ In the US, a family of four is considered below the poverty line if they make less than $26,500 a year. Sadly, 11.4% of the population in the US falls below this line.
29. “The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I don’t think that he’s evil. I think that the worst you can say about him is that basically, he’s an underachiever.” – Woody Allen
30. “It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen
31. “As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree’ — probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.” – Woody Allen
32. “Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.” – Woody Allen
33. “His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.” – Woody Allen
34. “It is impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune.” – Woody Allen
35. “It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better… while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.” – Woody Allen
36. “You know a lot of geniuses, y’know. You should meet some stupid people once in a while, y’know, you could learn something.” – Woody Allen
37. “The man who said ‘I’d rather be lucky than good’ saw deeply into life. People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It’s scary to think so much is out of one’s control. There are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net and for a split second it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck it goes forward and you win. Or maybe it doesn’t and you lose.” – Woody Allen
Woody Allen quotes to inspire you
38. “To me there’s no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They’re all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful.” – Woody Allen
39. “Curiosity, that’s what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It’s our own hearts and minds.” – Woody Allen
40. “More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.” – Woody Allen
41. “I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.” – Woody Allen
42. “If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.” – Woody Allen
Everyday Application: Trying to create something new is just going to come with a few failed attempts. How could it not? These failures are teaching you what you need to know to bring your imagination into reality. If you are succeeding at everything you try, chances are you are trying things that are more tried and true. If you want to be a visionary, then plan to fail…a whole lot!
43. “I can levitate birds. No one cares.” – Woody Allen
44. “I love nature, I just don’t want to get any of it on me.” – Woody Allen
45. “I hate reality but it’s still the best place to get a good steak.” – Woody Allen
46. “You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” – Woody Allen
Thought-provoking Woody Allen Quotes
47. “Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.” – Woody Allen
48. “I think universal harmony is a pipe dream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodelling.” – Woody Allen
49. “I don’t know enough to be incompetent.” – Woody Allen
50. “Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage.” – Woody Allen
51. “All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.” – Woody Allen
52. “Life is short. Short, and not about anything except what you can touch and what touches you.” – Woody Allen
53. “You’ll find as you go through life that great depth and smoldering sensuality don’t always win.” – Woody Allen
54. “Doing something in life is not easy and everything that can be done without it is a good choice.” – Woody Allen
55. “A world I will never feel comfortable in, never understand, and never approve of or forgive.” – Woody Allen
56. “You can tell from my movies; while some are entertaining, no idea I ever had is going to start any new religion.” – Woody Allen