The 10 Steps to Confidence That No One Told You About
June 7, 2019 8:00 AM EST | 7 min read
Discover the ten things you can do to build up your confidence and write your own life story every day.
Confidence is a character trait that so many want, but most aren’t quite sure how to achieve.
Just like so many other things, people seek confidence and end up at one extreme or the other.
Some, when seeking confidence, become cocky and others become doormats.
True confidence lies in the middle.
Years ago, if you would have asked me if I was a confident person I would have answered yes, without hesitation.
However, what I learned was that I wanted to think I was confident; however, my actions didn’t reflect confidence.
Today I want to share 10 things that I learned in my journey to build real, genuine confidence.
How to build up your confidence
1. You can do it!
So many people simply don’t believe they can do it or that they are smart enough.
Everyone else is right and they are wrong.
This can stem from being verbally put down by others all your life or from not having someone cheering you on.
I am here to tell you – you can do it!
It may take time, it may take learning, it may be challenging, but you can do it.
It may also be simple; leave no stone unturned.
Learn from others.
Read quotes about loving yourself.
Whatever you do, make sure that you don’t let someone else’s lack of confidence stymie yours.
There are so many right answers sometimes – so many different paths to the same destination.
Please do let the fact that you get there a different way from someone else break your confidence.
You can do it!
2. Confidence doesn’t come from others
Just like happiness, your confidence isn’t based on other people.
It comes from inside.
You need to learn to be confident in yourself whether anyone else ever validates you or not.
This can be such a challenge.
We all seek validation from others, especially those close to us like a parent or sibling.
But sometimes, that person just doesn’t know how to give it.
If you are a person of faith, know that your validation comes from God.
He loves you no matter what.
And if you are not, know that you are here for a reason and a purpose.
Don’t let anyone ever tell you different.
You have two choices – you can be a victor or a victim.
Always be a victor.
It can be such a challenge when your world seems like it’s crumbling.
It can be a challenge when everyone around you is negative.
But you can do it.
You can be a victor in every situation.
That is what confidence is.
When you have a victim mentality, you do not have confidence.
Know that it will be okay, know that you’ve got this, know that even if something goes wrong, you will learn from this – be a victor, not a victim!
4. God only wants the best for you
Whether you are a person of faith or not, this is a true statement.
Sometimes it doesn’t seem that way because we can’t always see the end game.
We don’t always know why things are happening the way they are.
But if you embrace this concept – He only wants the best for you – you will always have confidence in any situation.
I read a story this week where a lady lost all three of her children in a house fire.
When people talked to her, she talked about her faith and that this happened for a reason.
5. Your future is in your hands
Just like we talked about in item number two, you control your future, not others.
Confidence will help you see that.
When I went to college, I minored in what my mother wanted me to.
I didn’t have the confidence to say that’s not for me.
I was so focused on what she wanted that I forgot what I wanted.
She loved me and only wanted the best for me, but my future was mine to design.
When I built up my confidence, I was able to pay off over $200,000 in debt, start my own successful business and be my true authentic self.
Living an authentic life is the true sign of a confident person.
6. You never know
Many times we lack confidence simply because we don’t have the knowledge we need to be confident.
Knowledge is easy to get – it’s everywhere.
For example, if you aren’t confident in the area of your money, there are thousands of knowledgeable people out there to teach you what you need to know.
You simply have to be willing to go get the information.
When you have information, you can have confidence – in yourself, in your decisions and in your situations.
7. Your team is important
My Philadelphia Eagles won the Super Bowl this year for the first time ever.
They won because of their team – this was a special team who believed in each other and knew what it took to get the job done.
This team had the confidence that they could beat anyone, and they did.
If you want to be confident, you need a great team.
You need positive, confident people in your closest circle.
If your team is a little shaky right now, have the confidence to build a better team.
8. Let go of the baggage
If we have made bad decisions in our past, it can be a challenge to have confidence in ourselves.
You must let go of your mistakes, learn from them and move forward.
We all have baggage – we all have made decisions that we wish we wouldn’t have made, but what keeps our confidence in place is how we react to them.
If I had let my money decisions of the past define my future, I would be still sitting here broke and broken.
Instead, I learned from my past decisions, learned how to make better ones and am now confident when it comes to money decisions.
Let it go!
9. Leave the past where it belongs
Now that you have learned from your mistakes, you must make sure you leave the past in the past.
People will try to bring it up.
People will try to define every moment of your future by something that you did in the past. Don’t let them.
I still have people who judge my money decisions even though I paid off over $200,000 worth of debt, run a successful business, continue to be debt free, have a 6-month emergency fund, retirement and pay cash for everything.
People see what they choose to see.
Don’t spend your time trying to convince them of your truth.
Live your life and leave the rest in the past where it belongs.
10. You are the author of your own story
Every day is a blank page in your story.
You are the author of your story – no one else.
With confidence, you have the ability to write your story every day.
You hold the pen – don’t give it away!
You are the author of your story – write a best seller.
Confidence isn’t something that comes naturally.
We must work on it every day.
People will come along and try to take your confidence.
And most times they won’t even know they are doing it.
It could be a tone, words, or an attitude.
Sometimes we give away our confidence by trying to please others.
Over the course of several years, I learned each one of the steps I talked about today.
And as I learned them, my confidence got stronger and stronger.
I still have to remind myself of these things daily, but when I do, I have the confidence to move mountains and to live my authentic life.
What could be better!