Take a moment and read through our selection of funny Hitch quotes.
Hitch is a romantic comedy movie released in 2005 and directed by Andy Tennant.
The movie stars Will Smith, Eva Mendes, Kevin James, and Amber Valletta, among other talented actors.
Hitch received mediocre reviews from critics and grossed over $371 million against a budget between $55-$70 million.
The movie’s plot follows Alex “Hitch” Hitchens, a man who coaches other men on how to woo women so that a long-term relationship can develop.
While helping a client pursue a love interest, Hitch falls for a woman named Sara, who seems impervious to his romantic methods.
Take a look at the following Hitch quotes to learn more about the movie.
The Best Hitch Quotes From the Movie
Take a look at some of the best quotes from the movie.
1. “I saw that going differently in my mind.” – Hitch
2. “Basic principles. There are none.” – Hitch
3. “No woman wakes up saying, ‘God, I hope I don’t get swept off my fee today.’” – Hitch
4. “Like I always tell my clients—begin each day as if it were on purpose.” – Hitch
5. “Just give it time.” – Hitch
6. “Luckily, the fact is that just like the rest of us, even a beautiful woman doesn’t know what she wants until she sees it.” – Hitch
7. “One moment, you’re enjoying your life, and the next, you’re wondering how you ever lived without them.” – Hitch
8. “If he’s stupid enough to cheat, the world should know he’s dumb enough to get caught.” – Sara
9. “So, you kinda like me, huh?” – Sara
10. “Life is not the amount of breaths you take; it’s the moments that take your breath away.” – Hitch
Funny Hitch Quotes
Enjoy these funny quotes from the movie.
11. “No matter what, no matter who, no matter when, any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet. He just needs the right broom.” – Hitch
12. “You don’t go the whole hundred! My mouth was open, Albert!” – Hitch
13. “You know what it’s like getting up every morning feeling hopeless, feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man?” – Albert
14. “One dance, one look, one kiss, that’s all we get, Albert. Just one shot to make the difference between happily-ever-after and ‘he’s just some guy I went to something with once.’” – Hitch
15. “A woman who doesn’t want to kiss takes her keys out, puts them in the door, goes in the house. A woman that wants to kiss, she fiddles.” – Hitch
16. “Does it ever occur to women that maybe a guy might like to have a plan, you know, because he’s nervous?” – Hitch
17. “Relationships are for people who are just waiting for something better to come along.” – Sara
18. “But watch your hand placement, too high says, ‘I just wanna be friends,’ too low says, ‘I just wanna grab some ass.’” – Hitch
19. “I mean, you’re sending all the right signals—no earrings, heels under two inches, your hair is pulled back, you’re wearing reading glasses with no book, drinking a Grey Goose martini, which means you had a hell of a week and a beer just wouldn’t do it.” – Hitch
20. “I’m a guy. Since when do we get anything right the first time.” – Hitch
Does Hitch Win Sara Over?
Hitch keeps trying to win Sara over, but then someone exposes him as a “date doctor.”
Sara assumes the worst and writes an expose about him, which hurts his clients seeking genuine relationships.
Hitch realizes he has no special abilities; he simply gives men the confidence to talk to the women they want a relationship with.
He then sets out to repair his clients’ relationships and finally win Sara over.
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