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50 Home Alone Quotes That are Still Hilarious 30 Years Later

Home Alone, a 1990 movie starring Macaulay Culkin, quickly became a holiday movie staple most people have watched repeatedly. Have you ever wondered what film little Kevin is watching in the movie, though? Well, it’s a movie that was shot specifically to air during Home Alone, making it not an actual movie at all! However, the non-movie became quite popular and was even given the title, “Angels With Filthy Souls.” Keep reading through these Home Alone quotes for some iconic lines from a “movie” within a movie!

The entire premise of Home Alone is a little whacky. I mean, what family would actually forget their eight-year-old son back at home when leaving on vacation?

However, Macaulay Culkin, as Kevin is hilarious and just runs with it. Joe Pesci (Harry) and Daniel Stern (Marv) complete the slapstick comedy as the unbelievable incompetent burglars, who get defeated by Kevin in unique ways.

These Home Alone quotes from the Wet Bandits and Kevin will take you on a nostalgic trip down memory lane, and make you laugh out loud all over again.

Don’t forget to also check out these Frozen quotes that will thaw your heart.

Home Alone quotes from the Wet Bandits

1. “Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?”  Marv

2. Marv: “He’s a kid. Kids are stupid. I know I was.”

Harry: “You still are, Marv.”

3. “Where are you, you little creep?” — Harry

4. “I don’t get it. I mean, right now it looks like there’s nobody home. Last night the place was jumping. Something ain’t right.” — Harry

5. “What’s so funny? What are you laughing at? You did it again, didn’t you? You left the water running. What’s wrong with you? Why do you do that? I told you not to do it.” — Harry

6. “No, no, no, no, no. It’s Christmastime. There’s always a lot of burglaries around the holidays. So we’re just in the neighborhood to see if everyone’s taking the proper precautions. That’s all.” — Harry

7. “That’s the one, Marv, that’s the silver tuna.” — Harry

8. “Yeah. But remember, we’re the wet bandits. The wet bandits. W-E-T.” — Marv

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9. “Very gee, huh? It’s loaded. It’s got lots of top-flight goods. Stereos, VCRs…” — Harry

10. “All the great ones leave their mark. We’re the wet bandits!” — Marv

11. “Probably looking at some very fine jewelry. Possible cash hoard. Odd marketable securities… Who knows. It’s a gem. Hand me a crowbar. Crowbars up.” — Harry

The most well-known Home Alone quotes

12. “Guys, I’m eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!”  Kevin

13. “Keep the change, ya filthy animal.”  Gangster Johnny

14. “Look what you did, you little jerk.”  Uncle Frank

15. “Kevin, you are such a disease.”  Jeff

16. “There are 15 people in this house and you’re the only one who has to make trouble.”  Kate

17. “KEVIN!” — Kate

18. “I made my family disappear.”  Kevin

19. “Hey, I’m gonna give you to the count of ten, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! 1, 2, 10!”  Gangster Johnny

20. “A lovely cheese pizza. Just for me.”  Kevin

21. “Will you please tell Santa that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back.” — Kevin

22. “I got you milk, eggs, and fabric softener.”  Kevin

Home Alone quotes that will make you laugh

23. “Buzz, your girlfriend. Woof!”  Kevin

24. “Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen.”  Kevin

25. “Buzz, I’m reading through all your private stuff, you better come out and pound me!” — Kevin

26. “I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap, including all my major crevices… including in between my toes and in my belly button, which I never did before but sort of enjoyed.”  Kevin

27. “Has this toothbrush been approved by the American Dental Association?”  Kevin

28. “Damn. How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What’s next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?”  Santa Claus

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29. “Hey, you know we’ve been looking for you two guys for a long time. You guys are always leaving the water running whenever you break in, now we know each and every house you guys have hit.” — Officer Devereux

Home Alone quotes from Kevin’s family

30. “You’re what the French call, Les Incompétents.” — Linnie

31. “Don’t you know how to knock, phlegm-wad?”  Buzz

32. “I wouldn’t let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass!” — Buzz

33. “Say… is it true French babes don’t shave their pits?”  Buzz

34. “You can be too old for a lot of things, but you’re never too old to be afraid.”  Marley

35. “Oh, well, we have automatic timers for our lights. Locks for our doors. That’s about as good as you can get these days. Did you get some egg nog or something like that?” — Peter McAllister

36. “A, I’m not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors, and D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will happen. Period.”  Buzz

37. “I don’t care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike! If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself, I am going to get home to my son.” — Kate

38. “Fuller, go easy on the Pepsi.”  Leslie

Home Alone quotes about Kevin defending himself

39. “This is my house. I have to defend it.” — Kevin

40. “Down here, you big horse’s ass. Come and get me before I call the police.”  Kevin

41. “Oh no, I’m really scared!” — Kevin

42. “Ok, come and get me!” — Kevin

43. “You guys give up? Or are you thirsty for more?”  Kevin

44. “It’s too late for you, kid; we’re already in the house. We’re gonna get ya!” — Harry

45. “You bomb me with one more can, kid, and I’ll snap off your cajones and boil them in motor oil!” — Harry

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46. “I think we’re getting scammed by a kindergartener.” — Harry

47. “See, I told you something was wrong. See, I knew he looked at me weird. Why would he run?” — Harry

48. “Merry Christmas, little fella. We know that you’re in there and that you’re all alone.” — Harry

49. “Yeah, come on, kid, open up. It’s Santy Claus… and his elf!” — Marv

50. “Merry Christmas, little fella. We know that you’re in there and that you’re all alone.”  Harry

Which of these Home Alone quotes is your favorite?

The film, written and produced by John Hughes, was conceived while he prepared to go on vacation. He said: “I was going away on vacation and making a list of everything I didn’t want to forget. I thought, ‘well, I’d better not forget my kids.’ Then I thought, ‘what if I left my 10-year-old son at home? What would he do?”

Home Alone was initially set to be financed and distributed by Warner Bros but ended up being picked up by Fox, when the budget of the film grew from 10 to 18 million dollars. It paid off though because Home Alone grossed $285.8 million in the United States and Canada. Its worldwide total revenue was $476.7 million. Home Alone was the number-one film at the box office for 12 consecutive weeks and launched a franchise of films.

The movie encountered some casting and filming problems. It almost lost Daniel Stern because of an increase in the filming schedule, but they were able to get him back. Culkin could only film until 10 pm because he was so young, and Pesci wanted to start later in the day so he could play golf.

There was also some annoyance from Pesci and Stern because they couldn’t curse on set. Regardless of the struggles, Home Alone is still a holiday tradition for many, and it is funny every time you re-watch it!

Did you enjoy these Home Alone quotes and sayings? Which of the quotes is your favorite? Let us know in the comment section below.

Danielle Dahl, Lead Contributor
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