Rodney Dangerfield Quotes and Famous One-Liners
April 11, 2023 5:00 AM EST
These Rodney Dangerfield quotes are still popular even after the famed comedian has been gone for more than a decade.
The standup comedian’s humor was generally focused on self-deprecation and making fun of family life which earned him a loyal and appreciative audience since he started entertaining clubs and comedy bars in the ’60s in New York.
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According to a study conducted by Dr. Peter McGraw at the University of Colorado, humor can significantly improve mood and reduce stress.
This research found that people who were exposed to comedy experienced a 39% increase in positive emotions and a 15% decrease in stress levels.
His most notable catchphrase was “I don’t get no respect!” on which most of his jokes were based.
Rodney Dangerfield was born on November 22, 1921, in Deer Park, New York.
Besides stand-up comedy, he was also an actor, producer, screenwriter, musician and author.
Dangerfield died on October 5, 2004, following a month in a coma due to complications from heart valve surgery.
Here are 50 of Rodney Dangerfield’s famous quotes and one-liners from his days as an actor and comedian which won the hearts of his fans.
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Check out our most popular quote article, a list of short inspirational quotes for daily inspiration.
If you enjoy this collection, check out our inspirational quotes category page.
Memorable Rodney Dangerfield quotes
Research led by Professor Sophie Scott at University College London has shown that laughter can strengthen social bonds.
The study demonstrated that shared laughter increases the release of endorphins, which helps to foster a sense of connection and belonging among individuals.
1. “Boy what a hotel that was. Why, they stole my towel!” – Rodney Dangerfield
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2. “For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.” – Rodney Dangerfield
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3. “I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a slingshot.” – Rodney Dangerfield
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4. “I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.” – Rodney Dangerfield
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5. “I have good-looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.” – Rodney Dangerfield
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6. “I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.” – Rodney Dangerfield
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7. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” – Rodney Dangerfield
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8. “I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.” – Rodney Dangerfield
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9. “My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.” – Rodney Dangerfield
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10. “My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah. My wife just broke up with her boyfriend.” – Rodney Dangerfield
Hilarious Rodney Dangerfield quotes
In a 2016 study published in the Journal of Aging Research, Dr. Gurinder Bains from Loma Linda University found that laughter can improve memory retention in older adults.
The study participants who engaged in regular laughter therapy sessions significantly improved short-term memory and learning ability compared to the control group.
11. “It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.” – Rodney Dangerfield
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12. “I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.” – Rodney Dangerfield
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13. “I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous. Everyone hasn’t met me yet.” – Rodney Dangerfield
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14. “I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps … from moving cars.” – Rodney Dangerfield
15. “When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” – Rodney Dangerfield
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16. “The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.” – Rodney Dangerfield
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17. “My mother had morning sickness after I was born.” – Rodney Dangerfield
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18. “My uncle’s dying wish: He wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.” – Rodney Dangerfield
19. “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met!” – Rodney Dangerfield
20. “My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.” – Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield quotes that will make you laugh out loud
A study published in the journal Psychology Today found that humor can reduce stress and anxiety, promote a positive mood, and enhance cognitive flexibility.
Therefore, sharing Rodney Dangerfield’s witty and humorous quotes can provide a much-needed dose of laughter and stress relief for your audience.
21. “What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm.” – Rodney Dangerfield
22. “My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.” – Rodney Dangerfield
23. “My wife’s not too smart. I told her our kids were spoiled. She said, ‘All kids smell that way.'” – Rodney Dangerfield
24. “Once, somebody stole our car. I asked my wife if she saw who it was. She said, ‘No, but I did get the license number.'” – Rodney Dangerfield
25. “Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.” – Rodney Dangerfield
Funny Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
A study published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that individuals who are perceived as humorous are seen as more likable, attractive, and socially competent than those who are not.
Therefore, incorporating Rodney Dangerfield’s funny quotes into your article can increase your likability and appeal to your audience.
26. “I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they’re the last to know.” ― Rodney Dangerfield
27. “When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin’ from one end to the other.” ― Rodney Dangerfield
28. “I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn’t see the mouse trap.” ― Rodney Dangerfield
29. “I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house…so he moved.” ― Rodney Dangerfield
30. “I went to look for a used car and found my wife’s dress in the back seat.” ― Rodney Dangerfield
31. “My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.” ― Rodney Dangerfield
32. “I figured out I’m bisexual. I have sex twice a year.” ― Rodney Dangerfield
33. “I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.” ― Rodney Dangerfield
34. “Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.” ― Rodney Dangerfield
35. “We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.” ― Rodney Dangerfield
Did you enjoy these Rodney Dangerfield quotes
The humor of Rodney Dangerfield became widely known when he was invited to The Ed Sullivan Show in the late ’60s to perform his standup act which triggered more invitations to perform to bigger audiences and famous venues in glitzy Las Vegas.
Rodney Dangerfield’s fame also earned him movie deals including “Caddyshack” in 1980 where he starred with Bill Murray and Chevy Chase.
Since then, the signature Rodney Dangerfield quotes and one-liners have become staples for standup comedy fans.
Rodney’s success with his self-deprecating humor tells us all a lesson.
We shouldn’t take ourselves too seriously.
And sometimes, when life is not as perfect as we all wish it should be, it doesn’t hurt to laugh at our unfavorable situations, brush them off and move along.
Which of these Rodney Dangerfield quotes and lines is your favorite?
Do you have any other quotes to add?
Let us know in the comment section below.
September 15, 2021 at 7:58 PM
My Doctor said, ‘Don’t eat anything fatty.”
I said, ‘What, like pork chops and sausages?”
He said, ‘No fatty, don’t eat anything!”