50 John Witherspoon Quotes From The Iconic Comedic Actor

These John Witherspoon movie quotes are the most hilarious lines you’ll read today!

John Witherspoon was an actor and comedian known for a variety of hilarious roles and funny quotes. He is best known for his portrayal of Willie Jones in the movie series Friday.

If you’ve ever seen the movie Friday, or the sequels Next Friday and Friday After Next, you know just how hilarious they are. These John Witherspoon quotes will have you crying with laughter.

Aside from his iconic role as Willie Jones in Friday, John Witherspoon also appears in films like Hollywood Shuffle, Boomerang, I’m Gonna Git You Sucka and The Five Heartbeats. These John Witherspoon funny quotes and John Witherspoon one-liners are hilarious.

Whether you know this comedian from film, television, or somewhere else, his words will make you laugh, smile, think, and feel. Share this collection of John Witherspoon quotes with your loved ones to brighten their day.

Don’t forget to also read these funny inspirational quotes celebrating life, love & struggles

John Witherspoon quotes from the iconic comedic actor

1. “I’m every father. I’m not only a black father. I’m a white father. I’m a Chinese father. I’m a Mexican father. I’m all fathers that want their sons out of the house and stop eating up all the food. Get a job, please. Stop looking at the TV.” – John Witherspoon

2. “How the hell you go get fired on your day off?” – John Witherspoon

3. “If I hit the lotto, I would be nowhere near the road. But I got bills to pay.” – John Witherspoon

4. “Every time I come in the kitchen, you in the kitchen. In the goddamn refrigerator. Eatin’ up all the food. All the chitlins… All the pigs’ feet… All the collard greens… All the hog maws. I wanna eat them chitlins… I like pigs’ feet.” – John Witherspoon

5. “When you’re poor, an egg sandwich is dinner and you cut your potatoes with a butter knife.” – John Witherspoon

6. “The word got out that I can ad-lib very well.” – John Witherspoon

7. “Versace? You can’t even spell Versace.” – John Witherspoon

8. “Now you see, son. You gotta let us know when you leave the house. What if you got killed tonight? We’d have to bury you. You know how much a funeral costs these days?” – John Witherspoon

9. “I am cantankerous.” – John Witherspoon

10. “Don’t nobody go in the bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes. Somebody open a window.” – John Witherspoon

John Witherspoon quotes to brighten your day

11. “When you’re hungry, everything tastes good.” – John Witherspoon

12. “I always tell comics you got to hang with your stand-up.” – John Witherspoon

13. “You ain’t gonna drop no stinky loads here. Anybody drop stinky loads, it’s gonna be me.” – John Witherspoon

14. “Hey, young man. You got knocked the fuck out.” – John Witherspoon

15. “This is my boy. I’m the only one who can yell at him. Where the hell you been?” – John Witherspoon

16. “Well, I’ll tell you one thing: round here, you go to work, you go to school. First of the month, the rent is due.” – John Witherspoon

17. “I’m sick of all these boring cooking shows.” – John Witherspoon

18. “My father was a preacher so I wouldn’t sing at all when he was around, but as soon as he locked the door, ‘La la la.’” – John Witherspoon

19. “If something is too risque, don’t watch it.” – John Witherspoon

20. “You drink up the milk, don’t care what kind of milk it is. You don’t care, 2 percent, 3 percent, buttermilk. Patent milk, pull the cow on a patent milk can, I bet you eat that too.” – John Witherspoon

John Witherspoon quotes that will make your day

21. “I hope the bathroom is clean. If it ain’t, I don’t give a damn.” – John Witherspoon

22. “Think of this, last year at this time, you had won the Lotto, over a million dollars. Anybody else would be living in the French Riviera. You’re back at cooking pigs’ feet here with me at Bros. B-B-B-Bar-B-Q.” – John Witherspoon

23. “C’mon, put up your dukes.” – John Witherspoon

24. “St. Louis is an excellent city.” – John Witherspoon

25. “I smelled your shit for 22 years, now you can smell mine for five minutes.” – John Witherspoon

26. “Give me a twister. Make it two. Hold the flies.” – John Witherspoon

27. “When we did ‘Boomerang,’ which is one of my favorite scenes, the whole dinner scene was ad-libbed.” – John Witherspoon

28. “You best go check on the sauce. Mama’s out on her feet again.” – John Witherspoon

29. “Will you be quiet, Tarzan?” – John Witherspoon

30. “Don’t let nobody ever take your spirit away from you! It’s Christmas! Supposed to be happy!” – John Witherspoon

Hilarious John Witherspoon quotes

31. “I was proud of you tonight. You used your brain. That’s what I want you to do, use your brain. That’s my boy. That’s my boy.” – John Witherspoon

32. “I am old-school.” – John Witherspoon

33. “Why you boys beating up on Santa Claus? What he did to you?” – John Witherspoon

34. “The kids of America, please get a damn job. Get out of the house, leave the refrigerator alone. Stop wearing my shoes. Leave my shirts alone, get a job. Spend your own money.” – John Witherspoon

35. “I can’t help it! I look better than you do!” – John Witherspoon

36. “That’s the beauty of it! I grab a dog, and I choke him, and I kick the shit out of him! All-day long, my foot up a dog’s ass! Just bang-bang-bang up his ass! That’s my pleasure.” – John Witherspoon

37. “Hehe. Macaroni.” – John Witherspoon

38. “I wish you was sleeping right now, I knock you upside your head with a left hook make your ass wake up and take out that damn trash.” – John Witherspoon

39. “Being on the toilet stool is the grossest thing there is, to me.” – John Witherspoon

40. “I didn’t change my voice for ‘The Boondocks.’” – John Witherspoon

More John Witherspoon quotes

41. “Ooh, I can’t wait to see your mama naked. That big old booty bouncing around. Boom, boom, boom.” – John Witherspoon

42. “Who’s in the bathroom? That eggnog about to kick back up on me. You know I got them bad guts.” – John Witherspoon

43. “NOW you’re a man. Your uncle picked up a gun too. He had to find out the hard way. 22 years old. YOU got a choice. This is all you need. All right?” – John Witherspoon

44. “This is what makes you a man. When I was growin’ up, this was all the protection we needed. You win some, you lose some, but you live. You live to fight another day. And you think you’re a man with that gun in your hand, don’t you?” – John Witherspoon

45. “In ‘Boomerang,’ they didn’t have a script at all, they just told me to come up with some stuff.” – John Witherspoon

46. “Give me the two-piece special. Lots of hot sauce and all the fries you can give me. Thank you, thank you.” – John Witherspoon

47. “You kids today ain’t nothing but punks. Sissified. So quick to pick up a gun. You’re scared to take an ass-whippin’.” – John Witherspoon

48. “Eat it on the 4th of July, by the 18th, everybody in the whole neighborhood trying to get to the bathrooms.” – John Witherspoon

49. “I bet y’all drinking that wine. Smoking them tweeds and everything.” – John Witherspoon

50. “You ain’t no player. Read my lips: you ain’t no player!” – John Witherspoon

What are your favorite John Witherspoon quotes from Boomerang or Friday?

John Witherspoon is a legendary comedic talent with a huge collection of funny quotes. You’ll laugh the whole time you’re reading this list of John Witherspoon quotes, whether you know him from Friday, Boomerang, or Boondocks.

What are your favorite John Witherspoon one-liners? It’s hard to choose just one with so many funny John Witherspoon quotes to choose from.

Comedy is all about happiness and making people laugh. This collection of the best John Witherspoon quotes will make his fans happy. If you’re ever having a bad day and need to be cheered up, try reading some of these hilarious quotes. Share this list of John Witherspoon funny quotes with your friends and family to spread the joy.

What are your favorite John Witherspoon quotes and lines that make you laugh out loud? Let us know in the comment section below.