25 John Witherspoon Quotes From The Iconic Comedic Actor

By Samantha Williams | Published August 10, 2022

These John Witherspoon movie quotes are the most hilarious lines you’ll read today!

John Witherspoon was an actor and comedian known for a variety of hilarious roles and funny quotes.

He is best known for his portrayal of Willie Jones in the movie series Friday.

If you’ve ever seen the movie Friday, or the sequels Next Friday and Friday After Next, you know just how hilarious they are.

These John Witherspoon quotes will have you crying with laughter.

Aside from his iconic role as Willie Jones in Friday, John Witherspoon also appears in films like Hollywood Shuffle, Boomerang, I’m Gonna Git You Sucka and The Five Heartbeats.

These John Witherspoon funny quotes and John Witherspoon one-liners are hilarious.

Whether you know this comedian from film, television, or somewhere else, his words will make you laugh, smile, think, and feel.

Share this collection of John Witherspoon quotes with your loved ones to brighten their day.

Don’t forget to also read these funny inspirational quotes celebrating life, love & struggles

If you enjoy this article, check out our most popular quote article, a list of short inspirational quotes for daily motivation.

If you want more motivational quotes, check out our motivational quotes category page.

John Witherspoon quotes from the iconic comedic actor

1. “I am cantankerous.” ― John Witherspoon

2. “Versace? You can’t even spell Versace.” ― John Witherspoon

3. “The word got out that I can ad-lib very well.” ― John Witherspoon

4. “How the hell you go get fired on your day off?” ― John Witherspoon

5. “If I hit the lotto, I would be nowhere near the road. But I got bills to pay.” ― John Witherspoon

6. “Don’t nobody go in the bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes. Somebody open a window.” ― John Witherspoon

7. “When you’re poor, an egg sandwich is dinner and you cut your potatoes with a butter knife.” – John Witherspoon

8. “Now you see, son. You gotta let us know when you leave the house. What if you got killed tonight? We’d have to bury you. You know how much a funeral costs these days?” ― John Witherspoon

9. “Every time I come in the kitchen, you in the kitchen. In the goddamn refrigerator. Eatin’ up all the food. All the chitlins… All the pigs’ feet… All the collard greens… All the hog maws. I wanna eat them chitlins… I like pigs’ feet.” ― John Witherspoon

10. “I’m every father. I’m not only a black father. I’m a white father. I’m a Chinese father. I’m a Mexican father. I’m all fathers that want their sons out of the house and stop eating up all the food. Get a job, please. Stop looking at the TV.” ― John Witherspoon

You will also enjoy our article on Shrek quotes.

John Witherspoon quotes to brighten your day

11. “If something is too risque, don’t watch it.” ― John Witherspoon

12. “I’m sick of all these boring cooking shows.” ― John Witherspoon

13. “When you’re hungry, everything tastes good.” ― John Witherspoon

14. “Hey, young man. You got knocked the fuck out.” ― John Witherspoon

15. “I always tell comics you got to hang with your stand-up.” ― John Witherspoon

16. “This is my boy. I’m the only one who can yell at him. Where the hell you been?” ― John Witherspoon

17. “You ain’t gonna drop no stinky loads here. Anybody drop stinky loads, it’s gonna be me.” – John Witherspoon

18. “Well, I’ll tell you one thing: round here, you go to work, you go to school. First of the month, the rent is due.” ― John Witherspoon

19. “My father was a preacher so I wouldn’t sing at all when he was around, but as soon as he locked the door, ‘La la la.’” ― John Witherspoon

20. “You drink up the milk, don’t care what kind of milk it is. You don’t care, 2 percent, 3 percent, buttermilk. Patent milk, pull the cow on a patent milk can, I bet you eat that too.” ― John Witherspoon

You will also enjoy our article on Friday quotes.

John Witherspoon quotes that will make your day

21. “C’mon, put up your dukes.” ― John Witherspoon

22. “St. Louis is an excellent city.” ― John Witherspoon

23. “I hope the bathroom is clean. If it ain’t, I don’t give a damn.” ― John Witherspoon

24. “I smelled your shit for 22 years, now you can smell mine for five minutes.” ― John Witherspoon

25. “Think of this, last year at this time, you had won the Lotto, over a million dollars. Anybody else would be living in the French Riviera. You’re back at cooking pigs’ feet here with me at Bros. B-B-B-Bar-B-Q.” ― John Witherspoon