These funny sarcastic quotes should help you spend a few minutes laughing out loud.
There’s no denying that laughter is the best medicine.
What’s better than a big beautiful smile?
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Life can be downright stressful.
There are relationships to maintain, bills to pay, a job that demands your attention, and other crises both big and small that can pop up at any time.
It’s easy to get burnt out after you’ve had a day full of drama.
While sarcasm humor tends to have a slightly meaner tone to it, it can be just the thing you need when you’ve spent the whole day biting your tongue and keeping yourself in check.
Feel free to indulge as you let yourself relax.
Below is our collection of funny inspirational quotes and sayings that will lighten your day.
If you enjoy this article, check out our most popular quote article, a list of short inspirational quotes for daily motivation.
Funny sarcastic quotes about relationships
1. “I am not young enough to know everything.” – Oscar Wilde
2. “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” – Billy Wilder
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3. “An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.” – Robert Oppenheimer
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4. “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” — Sir Winston Churchill
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5. “Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.” — Joey Adams
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6. “The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.” — Erma Bombeck
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7. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A. A. Milne
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8. “There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” - Kin Hubbard
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9. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde
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10. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” — George Burns
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Funny sarcastic quotes for a rough day
11. “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.” -John Wayne
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12. “If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.” -Alice Roosevelt Longworth
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13. “Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.” -Samuel Butler
14. “I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” -Groucho Marx
15. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” -Margaret Mead
16. “All generalizations are false, including this one.” -Mark Twain
17. “Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?” -James Thurber
18. “I believe in rules. Sure, I do. If there weren’t any rules, how could you break them?” -Leo Durocher
19. “Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.” -Anthony Burgess
20. “You can always tell when a man is well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.” -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Funny sarcastic quotes to give you a giggle
21. “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.” –Groucho Marx
22. “The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” –Lily Tomlin
23. “There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.” –James Holt McGavran
24. “Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.” –Johnny Carson
25. “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” -Albert Einstein
26. “If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.” –Lawrence Ferlinghetti
27. “I find television very educational. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” –Groucho Marx
28. “If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” –Steven Wright
29. “We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” –Henny Youngman
30. “A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.” –Joey Adams
Short Funny Sarcastic Quotes That Will Make Your Day
31. “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” — Ashleigh Brilliant
32. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” — Robin Williams
33. “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” — Groucho Marx
34.“When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.” — Sacha Guitry
35. “Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.” — P. J. O’Rourke
36. “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.” — Groucho Marx
37. “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.” — Max Kauffmann
38. “I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” — Patrick Murray
39. “Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!” — Robin Williams
40. “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” — Drew Carey
Don’t forget to also check out these purple quotes from inspiration to fashion.
Funny Sarcastic Quotes That Will Crack Your Ribs
41. “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” — Groucho Marx
42. “The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.” — Natalie Wood
45. “Children are a great comfort in your old age-and they help you reach it faster, too.” — Lionel Kauffman
46. “Honesty may be the best policy, but insanity is the best defense.” –Unknown
47. “Having children is like living in a frat house—nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” — Ray Romano
48. “The great gift of family life is to be intimately acquainted with people you might never even introduce yourself to, had life not done it for you.” — Kendall Hailey.
49. “To maintain a joyful family requires each member of the family to become, in a special way, the servant of the others.” — Pope John Paul II
50. “An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough.” –Unknown
Funny sarcastic quotes aboutsarcasm
51. “Sarcasm helps me overcome the harshness of the reality we live, eases the pain of scars and makes people smile.” – Mahmoud Darwish
52. “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest.” – Oscar Wilde
53. “Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.” – Cynthia Nelms
54. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
55. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” – Abraham Lincoln
56. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” – Fred Allen
57. “The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.” – Oscar Wilde
58. “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” – George Bernard Shaw
59. “Don’t be humble… you’re not that great.” – Golda Meir
60. “Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” – Napoleon Bonaparte
61. “Sarcasm is the protest of the weak.” – John Knowles
62. “He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde
63. “A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.” – Lawrence G. Lovasik
Funny sarcastic quotes about life
64. “What we feel and think and are is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera.” – Aldous Huxley
65. “At every party, there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” – Ann Landers
66. “Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!” — Billy Connolly
67. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright
68. “Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them.” – Walter Kerr
69. “When something goes wrong in your life, just yell “Plot Twist” and move on.” – Unknown
70. “Come here you big, beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we’re going to get done today.” – Unknown
71. “I hate it when I think I’m buying organic vegetables but when I get home, I discover they’re just regular donuts.” – Unknown
72. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.”- Unknown
73. “If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel.” – Unknown
74. “When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work.” – Unknown
75. “Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.” –Unknown
76. “True bonding is when you and your friends are all angry about the same thing.” – Unknown
77. “They say each day is a gift! Well, I want to know where customer service is so I can return this one!!” – Unknown
78. “It’s amazing how you can have to worst day ever, but still laugh at yourself when you push a door that says pull. – Unknown
79. “Need money for college. Need college for a job. Need a job for money. Who was the mastermind behind this system?” – Unknown
80. “My attitude in exams. They give me questions I don’t know. I give them answers they don’t know.” – Unknown
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Funny sarcastic quotes for when people are stressing you out
81. “I’m sorry. I was listening until, out of nowhere, I became distracted by this loud, obnoxious noise that turned out to be your voice.” – Unknown
82. “Don’t you hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious?” – Unknown
83. “I always say “Morning” Instead of “Good Morning” Because if it was a good morning, I would still be in bed and not talking to people.” – Unknown
84. “You know what I like about people? Their dogs.” – Unknown
85. “I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.” – Unknown
86. “Repeating quotes from funny movies doesn’t make you funny.” –Unknown
87. “Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.” –Unknown
88. “Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.” – Unknown
89. “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.” – Unknown
If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of Steven Wright quotes to make you laugh.
Funny sarcastic quotes about work
90. “I send pointless emails late at night to impress coworkers.” – Unknown
91. “Please submit your ideas to me today so I can submit them as my own tomorrow.” – Unknown
92. “There’s no better vacation than my boss being on vacation.” – Unknown
93. “Sometimes I have my headphones in at work with nothing playing so I don’t have to interact with chatty co-workers.” – Unknown
94. “I always tell new hires, ‘Don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.’” – Unknown
95. “You never realize how truly sarcastic you are until you have a mini-me who acts the same way.” – Unknown
96. “My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.” – Unknown
97. “Thanks for calling me to tell me that you just sent me an email.” –Unknown
98. “I don’t always tolerate stupid people. But when I do, I’m probably at work.” – Unknown
99. “Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.” –Unknown
100. “I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to come home from work tomorrow.” – Unknown
101. “Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.” – Unknown
102. “Don’t mistake my efficiency as meaning I want to do your job, too.” –Unknown
Also read these laughter quotes and sayings proving why it’s the best medicine.
Funny Sarcastic Quotes To Share With Your Peers
103. “There are only two things a child will share willingly—communicable diseases and his mother’s age.” — Benjamin Spock
104 “Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.” — Michael Levine
105. “Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.” — Rodney Dangerfield
106. “Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” — William James
107. “I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” — Erma Bombeck
108. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.” — W. C. Fields
109. “Zombies eat brains, you are safe.” — John Stewart
110. “Some are born mad, some achieve madness, and some have madness thrust upon ’em.” — Emilie Autumn
111. “If you must make a noise, make it quietly.” — Oliver Hardy
112. “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” — Winston Churchill.
Funny Sarcastic Quotes To Make You Giggle All Day
113. “It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.” ― Paul Newman
114. “He hasn’t an enemy in the world – but all his friends hate him.” ― Eddie Cantor
115. “I don’t want to be with someone boring because I’m always laughing. I to play jokes on people and be sarcastic.” ― Ashley Benson
116. “The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind.” ― Joseph Stilwell
117. “Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.” ― Oscar Wilde
118. “What’s on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.” ― Fred Allen
119. “History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.” ― Abba Eban
120. “Where others have hearts, he carries a tumor of rotten principles.” ― Jack London
121. “In her single person she managed to produce the effect of a majority.” ― Ellen Glasgow
122. “People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.” ― Russell Baker
Funny Sacarstic Quotes To Bring Out A Genuine Laugh
123. “I believe that all women are pretty without makeup- but with the right makeup can be pretty powerful.” ― Bobbi Brown
124. “Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it… Get plenty of sleep.” ― W. C. Fields
125. “You’re not famous until my mother has heard of you.” ― Jay Leno
126. “One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
127. “Be careful what you wish for, you may receive it.” ― W. W. Jacobs
128. “The interesting thing about coaching is that you have to trouble the comfortable, and comfort the troubled.” ― Ric Charlesworth
129. “A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.” ― Hector Hugh Munro
130. “Please don’t retouch my wrinkles. It took me so long to earn them.” ― Anna Magnani
131. “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” ― Groucho Marx
132. “Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand.” ― Martin Fowler
Funny Sarcastic Quotes For Friends
133. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” — Mitch Hedberg
134. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” — Rose
135. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.” — David Letterman
136. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” — Jack Handey
137. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” — Mark Twain
138. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell
139. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
140. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” — Erma Bombeck
141. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” — Phyllis Diller
142. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” — Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Sarcastic Quotes About Love and Relationships
143. “Love is sharing your popcorn.” — Charles Schultz.
144. “Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.” — Fran Lebowitz.
145. “Love is a lot like a toothache. It doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns.
146. “Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.” — Carroll Bryant.
147. “What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.” — Cindy Garner
148. “When you are missing someone, time seems to move slower, and when I’m falling in love with someone, time seems to be moving faster.” — Taylor Swift.
149. “A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.” — Zsa Zsa Gabor
150. “Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.” — Thomas Dewar
151. “Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, only with what you are expecting to give – which is everything,” — Katharine Hepburn.
152. “Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.” — Fulton J. Sheen
Did you enjoy these sarcastic quotes?
You need to laugh in life.
It helps to reduce stress and fight things like anxiety and depression by keeping your mood light.
Everyone has those rough days when maybe your temper gets the best of you or people are pushing your buttons.
These are the days when you need to laugh the most.
Your natural inclination might be to hold in your negative or difficult emotions or lash out at others.
But those responses are not good for you (or others).
Sometimes enjoying the right sarcastic joke can help you take a more positive attitude through the trying times in life.
Did you enjoy these sarcastic quotes?
Which of the quotes made your day?
Let us know in the comment section below.