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Funny Sarcastic Quotes to Make You Laugh Out Loud

These funny sarcastic quotes should help you spend a few minutes laughing out loud.

There’s no denying that laughter is the best medicine. What’s better than a big beautiful smile?

Life can be downright stressful. There are relationships to maintain, bills to pay, a job that demands your attention, and other crises both big and small that can pop up at any time.

It’s easy to get burnt out after you’ve had a day full of drama.

While sarcasm humor tends to have a slightly meaner tone to it, it can be just the thing you need when you’ve spent the whole day biting your tongue and keeping yourself in check.

Feel free to indulge as you let yourself relax.

Below is our collection of funny inspirational quotes and sayings that will lighten your day.

Funny sarcastic quotes about relationships

1. “If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel.” – Unknown

2. “True bonding is when you and your friends are all angry about the same thing.” – Unknown

3. “At every party, there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” – Ann Landers

4. “You never realize how truly sarcastic you are until you have a mini-me who acts the same way.” – Unknown

5. “My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.” – Unknown

6. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A. A. Milne

7. “There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -​ Kin Hubbard

8. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

9. “Honesty may be the best policy, but insanity is the best defense.” –Unknown

10. “An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough.” –Unknown

Funny sarcastic quotes about life

11. “When something goes wrong in your life, just yell “Plot Twist” and move on.” – Unknown

12. “Come here you big, beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we’re going to get done today.” – Unknown

13. “I hate it when I think I’m buying organic vegetables but when I get home, I discover they’re just regular donuts.” – Unknown

14. “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.”- Unknown

15. “I am not young enough to know everything.” – Oscar Wilde

16. “What we feel and think and are is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera.” – Aldous Huxley

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17. “When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work.” – Unknown

18. “Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.” –Unknown

19. “Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.” – Cynthia Nelms

20. “An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.” – Robert Oppenheimer

21. “They say each day is a gift! Well, I want to know where customer service is so I can return this one!!”  – Unknown

22. “It’s amazing how you can have to worst day ever, but still laugh at yourself when you push a door that says pull. – Unknown

23. “Need money for college. Need college for a job. Need a job for money. Who was the mastermind behind this system?” – Unknown

24. “My attitude in exams. They give me questions I don’t know. I give them answers they don’t know.” – Unknown

Also check out these famous witty quotes that will give you a motivational push as well as a bit of humor. 

Funny sarcastic quotes for whenpeople are stressing you out

25. “Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!” — Billy Connolly

26. “I’m sorry. I was listening until, out of nowhere, I became distracted by this loud, obnoxious noise that turned out to be your voice.” – Unknown

27. “Don’t you hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious?” – Unknown

28. “I always say “Morning” Instead of “Good Morning” Because if it was a good morning, I would still be in bed and not talking to people.” – Unknown

29. “You know what I like about people? Their dogs.” – Unknown

30. “I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.” – Unknown

31. “Repeating quotes from funny movies doesn’t make you funny.” –Unknown

32. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.”  – Steven Wright
If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of Steven Wright quotes to make you laugh.

33. “Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them.” – Walter Kerr

34. “Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.” –Unknown

35. “Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.” – Unknown

36. “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.” – Unknown

Funny sarcastic quotes about work

37. “I send pointless emails late at night to impress coworkers.” – Unknown

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38. “Please submit your ideas to me today so I can submit them as my own tomorrow.” – Unknown

39. “There’s no better vacation than my boss being on vacation.” – Unknown

40. “Sometimes I have my headphones in at work with nothing playing so I don’t have to interact with chatty co-workers.” – Unknown

41. “I always tell new hires, ‘Don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.’” – Unknown

42. “Thanks for calling me to tell me that you just sent me an email.” –Unknown

43. “I don’t always tolerate stupid people. But when I do, I’m probably at work.” – Unknown

44. “Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.” –Unknown

45. “I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to come home from work tomorrow.” – Unknown

46. “Don’t mistake my efficiency as meaning I want to do your job, too.” –Unknown

Also read these laughter quotes and sayings proving why it’s the best medicine.

Funny sarcastic quotes aboutsarcasm

47. “Sarcasm helps me overcome the harshness of the reality we live, eases the pain of scars and makes people smile.” – Mahmoud Darwish

48. “Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.” – Unknown

49. “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest.” – Oscar Wilde

50. “If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” – Billy Wilder

51. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

52. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” – Abraham Lincoln

53. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” – Fred Allen

54. “The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.” – Oscar Wilde

55. “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” – George Bernard Shaw

56. “Don’t be humble… you’re not that great.” – Golda Meir

57. “Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” – Napoleon Bonaparte

58. “Sarcasm is the protest of the weak.” – John Knowles

59. “He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde

60. “A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.” – Lawrence G. Lovasik

Funny sarcastic quotes for a rough day

61. “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.” -John Wayne

62. “If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.” -Alice Roosevelt Longworth

63. “Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.” -Samuel Butler

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64. “I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” -Groucho Marx

65. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” -Margaret Mead

66. “All generalizations are false, including this one.” -Mark Twain

67. “Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?” -James Thurber

68. “I believe in rules. Sure, I do. If there weren’t any rules, how could you break them?” -Leo Durocher

69. “Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.” -Anthony Burgess

70. “You can always tell when a man is well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.” -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Funny sarcastic quotes to give you a giggle

71. “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.” –Groucho Marx

72. “The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” –Lily Tomlin

73. “There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.” –James Holt McGavran

74. “Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.” –Johnny Carson

75. “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” -Albert Einstein

76. “If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.” –Lawrence Ferlinghetti

77. “I find television very educational. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” –Groucho Marx

78. “If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” –Steven Wright

79. “We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” –Henny Youngman

80. “A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.” –Joey Adams

Don’t forget to also check out these purple quotes from inspiration to fashion.

Did you enjoy these sarcastic quotes?

You need to laugh in life. It helps to reduce stress and fight things like anxiety and depression by keeping your mood light.

Everyone has those rough days when maybe your temper gets the best of you or people are pushing your buttons. These are the days when you need to laugh the most.

Your natural inclination might be to hold in your negative or difficult emotions or lash out at others. But those responses are not good for you (or others).

Sometimes enjoying the right sarcastic joke can help you take a more positive attitude through the trying times in life.

Did you enjoy these sarcastic quotes? Which of the quotes made your day? Let us know in the comment section below.

Norbert Juma, Lead Editor
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  1. Sheri

    October 23, 2019 at 10:00 PM

    OMG! Loved these. I’m saving them to read on “those” days when I’d rather strangle someone than talk to them! Thank you.

  2. V Anantharaman

    October 23, 2019 at 9:45 AM

    Many of your quotes are fantastically funny. Thank you very much. Nice service.

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