20 Hilarious Major Payne Quotes

If you like a good laugh, you will love these Major Payne quotes!

Major Payne is an American military comedy movie that stars Damon Wayans as the title character.

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Released in 1995 and directed by Nick Castle, the movie grossed just over $30 million at the box office.

Loosely based on the 1955 film titled The Private War of Major Benson, Major Payne delivers a fun family comedy experience.

Major Payne faces disciplinary actions and, as a result, is put in charge of youth at a military school.

His firm, no-frills tactics don’t go over well initially.

Still, you see him and his young group come together throughout the movie, ending with a competition against other military schools.

These Major Payne quotes will leave you wanting to watch the movie!

If you enjoy this article, check out our collection of hilarious Idiocracy quotes.

Memorable Major Payne quotes

Enjoy these quotes from the movie that you are sure to remember.

1. “I ain’t frigid.” — Major Payne

2. “Maybe I like you.” — Major Payne

3. “Got no worries, got no stress.” — Major Payne

4. “Major Payne reporting for duty, Sir!” — Major Payne

5. “There’s nobody left. You’ve killed them all.” — General

6. “He’s trying to show you some affection.” — Emily Walburn

7. “Killing is my business, and business is good!” — Major Payne

8. “Woman, when I was six years old I had a full time job.” — Major Payne

9. “Want me to show you a little trick to take your mind off that arm?” — Major Payne

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10. “From my heart, left ventricle; took it out myself with a field knife.” — Major Payne

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Hilarious Major Payne quotes

Check out the quotes below for some good laughs from the movie.

11. “You nasty little worm. Go change your huggies, boy!” — Major Payne

12. “I never said family don’t break up. Don’t you watch Oprah?” — Major Payne

13. “What about family, and unity, and all that other bullshit you said?” — Cadet Alex Stone

14. “You know there ain’t no pets allowed on this premises, Mr. Ace Ventura.” — Major Payne

15. “I figure if the Marines wanted me to have a wife, they would’ve issued me one.” — Major Payne

16. “What are you laughing at, pig-boy? You find a piece of candy in your pocket?” — Major Payne

17. “Major Payne, can you please help me to understand why you shaved the children bald?” — Emily Walburn

18. “What the hell was that, you little freckle face cartoon? Did I give you permission to sneeze, Opie?” — Major Payne

19. “Look at them, these animals are so pathetic that even their own commander didn’t even show up.” — Lieutenant

20. “Maybe not, but I can clean out your colon faster than one of those burritos with extra guacamole sauce!” — Major Payne

Major Payne’s tough love

Like an old sports coach that is firm and tries to push you past your comfort zone, Major Payne pushes his pupils, but beneath his tough exterior, he cares about the kids.

Please post any of your experiences in the comments section and share these Major Payne quotes and sayings with your friends and family so they can enjoy them too.

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  1. Norman

    November 21, 2023 at 4:58 PM

    I love Major Payne, heh heh heh.

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