25 Funny Malibu’s Most Wanted Quotes to Laugh At

By Stephanie Kirby | Published July 7, 2023

Comedy fans will enjoy these Malibu’s Most Wanted quotes.

Malibu’s Most Wanted is a comedy movie released in 2003 that John Whitesell directed.

The movie stars actors Jamie Kennedy, Taye Diggs, Anthony Anderson, Regina Hall, Snoop Dogg, and others.

The movie scored low on audience rating but grossed $34 million at the box office against a $15 million budget.

The plot of the movie follows the son of Bill Gluckman.

Brad is an Eminem wannabe and wants to be known as B-Rad.

Brad has lived a completely sheltered life, and to “scare” him into giving up the wannabe gang life, Bill hires two actors to take him to the inner city and scare him straight.

Look at these Malibu’s Most Wanted Quotes to learn more about the movie.

Short and Not So Sweet Malibu’s Most Wanted Quotes

Here are a few quick and memorable lines from the film.

1. “You are the driver; I am the shooter.” — PJ

2. “Please don’t be hatin’.” — Brad ‘B-Rad’ Gluckman

3. “If you jacked it, how come you got a receipt?” — PJ

4. “Let’s start droppin’ bodies!” — Brad ‘B-Rad’ Gluckman

5. “Are you trying to get votes out of this?” — Bill Gluckman

6. “I got a Ph.D. A poser hater degree.” — Brad ‘B-Rad’ Gluckman

7. “Yo mama so fat she got every caterer on speed dial!” — Monster

8. “Damn, these special effects is da bomb.” — Brad ‘B-Rad’ Gluckman

9. “King Kong ain’t got nothin’ on me! Aahgg.” — Brad ‘B-Rad’ Gluckman

10. “I’m a lyricologist. I can rap about anything.” — Brad ‘B-Rad’ Gluckman

Malibu’s Most Wanted Quotes from B-Rad

These quotes give you a good feel for the main character.

11. “And If I work hard, I can be the biggest rapper there ever was?” — Brad ‘B-Rad’ Gluckman

12. “Damn, she got in a fight with a hairdryer, and the hairdryer won.” — Brad ‘B-Rad’ Gluckman

13. “Didn’t yo mama eva tell you how ta treat a lady? That’s not nice.” — Brad ‘B-Rad’ Gluckman

14. “Yo, fool! We got some hard-core drama ’bout to go down right neow!!” — Brad ‘B-Rad’ Gluckman

15. “Traffic, traffic lookin’ fo my chapstick, feelin’ kinda car sick, there’s a Ford Maverick.” — Brad ‘B-Rad’ Gluckman

16. “I’m gonna be on the campaign tizzy too, 24/7. You know, kissin’ babies and whatnot.” — Brad ‘B-Rad’ Gluckman

17. “My name is B-rad. Not Robbie van Winkle. I like my lattes non-fat and don’t fo-get the sprinkle.” — Brad ‘B-Rad’ Gluckman

More Malibu’s Most Wanted Quotes

These quotes give you a glimpse into what others think of B-Rad and their experiences.

18. “Stop it. You say one more line, and I’mma have to smoke myself.” — Tec

19. “I’d rather eat garbage than listen to your tired-ass rhymes.” — Ronnie Rizzat

20. “What makes you think you know what goes down up in the hood anyway?” — PJ

21. “No, I don’t hate it. I thought my character was gonna have the cornrows. That’s all.” — Sean

22. “You a long way from the beach now, punk! We in South Central! The ghetto! The projects!” — Sean

23. “Nope, not convincing. Find your core character Sean. You are an oppressed black man. Think Tupac! Try it again.” — PJ

24. “After years of training and study, the only parts they’ll give us are gangbangers. Just once, I’d like to play a character who has decent grammar and doesn’t wear Timberlands.” — Sean

25. “And so if you elect me governor, I promise to take care of California the same way I take care of my own family; with compassion, caring, kindness, and most of all, with an interest in everyone. My friends… California is my family!” — Bill Gluckman