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30 Memorable Monty Python and the Holy Grail Quotes

Published on February 17, 2020 7:10 AM EST
Memorable Monty Python and the Holy Grail Quotes

Like so many of us, you probably grew up quoting Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Released in 1975, the film has since gone down in history as one of the best comedy films of all time.

Monty Python was a British comedy group starring John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Michael Palin, Graham Chapman, and Terry Jones. The group originally became popular from their sketch comedy show, Monty Python’s Flying Circus. In 1975, Monty Python and the Holy Grail became the group’s first proper feature film.

Memorable Monty Python and the Holy Grail Quotes

This extremely silly take on the classic legend of King Arthur and his quest for the holy grail is a staple in the family movie collection. 

We hope you enjoy this list of the most memorable Monty Python and the Holy Grail quotes.

Don’t forget to also check out these hilarious Blazing Saddles quotes.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail quotes that will make your day

1. “We are the knights who say ‘Ni!’”- Knights of Ni

2. “Every time I try to talk to someone it’s ‘sorry this’ and ‘forgive me that’ and ‘I’m not worthy.’” – God

3. “Help! Help! I’m being repressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system! Violence inherent in the system!” – Dennis

4. “No, now go away before I taunt you a second time.”- French Soldier

5. “I’m not quite dead yet!” – Old Man

6. “Don’t like her? What’s wrong with her. She’s beautiful, she’s rich, she’s got huge … tracts of land.” – King of the Swamp Castle

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7. “We want A SHRUBBERY!” – Knights of Ni

8. “Tis but a flesh wound!” – Black Knight

9. “Bring out your dead!” – Cart Master

Classic Monty Python and the Holy Grail quotes

10. “On second thought, let’s not go to Camelot. ‘Tis a silly place.” – Arthur

11. “You don’t frighten us, English pig dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called “Arthur King,” you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.” – French Soldier

12. “I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction!” – French Solider

13. “Oh, but you can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!” – Dennis

14. “Well, now, uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise – not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!”- Sir Bedevere

15. “When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. And that one sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, and then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that’s what you’re going to get, Son, the strongest castle in all of England.” – King of the Swamp Castle

16. “You’ve got two empty ‘alves of coconuts and you’re bangin’ em together!” – Guard

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17. “Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.” – Tim

18. “Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!” – French Solider

19. “It is I, Arthur, Son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England.” – King Arthur

You might also like these Wedding Crashers quotes and one liners.

Hilarious Monty Python and the Holy Grail quotes

20. “This new learning amazes me Sir Bedevere. Explain to me again how sheep’s bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.” – King Arthur

21. “Dennis! There’s some lovely filth down here!”- Woman

22. “Well, don’t. It’s just like those miserable psalms, always so depressing.” –God

23. “Well she turned me into a newt…I got better” – Peasant

24. “Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?” – Soldier

25. “Would it help to confuse it if we run away more?” – Sir Robin

More funny Monty Python and the Holy Grail quotes

26. “If I went ’round sayin’ I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!” – Dennis

27. “This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let’s not bicker and argue about who killed who.” – King of the Swamp Castle

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28. “Listen, strange women lyin’ in ponds distributin’ swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!” – Dennis

29. “You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!” – Sir Robin

30. “You don’t frighten us with your silly knees-bent running around advancing behavior!” – French Soldier

Also read these beautiful quotes from The Great Gatsby

Which Monty Python and the Holy Grail quote do you find yourself quoting all the time?

Monty Python was one of the funniest comedy groups to ever exist. Between their comedy sketch show and all of their feature films, there is a plethora of Monty Python quotes to go around. Still, Monty Python and the Holy Grail may be the best of the lot. The twist on a classic tale, a mostly-family friendly plot, and so many hilarious one-liners, there’s nothing not to love. 

Did you grow up watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail? Did we list all the best Monty Python and the Holy Grail quotes, or did we leave out one of your favorites? Let us know in the comment section below. 

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    LP kelley

    August 5, 2020 at 8:10 PM

    I shall not leave a comment until
    you cut down the tallest tree in the forest
    with a haddock

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