These Ron Swanson quotes will make you see life from a different point of view and inspire you to live your life the way you choose.
Who is Ron Swanson?
Meat-loving libertarian, Ron Swanson, is no stranger to living life to the fullest. The director of the Parks and Recreation department in Pawnee, Indiana is a mustachioed, macho-man who has a hankering for beef and a passion for freedom.
These Ron Swanson quotes will inspire you to live your life on your own terms. So, whether that means eating at an all you can eat breakfast buffet, falling in and out of love with a few Tammys, or fishing out your aggression, take a look at these Ron Swanson quotes that will teach you about the meaning of life.
Ron Swanson quotes about food
1. “I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.” – Ron Swanson
2. “If there were more food and fewer people, this would be a perfect party.” – Ron Swanson
3. “I call this turf ‘n’ turf. It’s a 16-ounce T-bone and a 24-ounce porterhouse. Also, whiskey and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American.” – Ron Swanson
4. “Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait … I worry what you heard was, ‘Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.’ What I said was, give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?” – Ron Swanson
5. “Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.” — Ron Swanson
6. “There has never been a sadness that can’t be cured by a breakfast food.” — Ron Swanson
7. “Strippers do nothing for me. But I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace.” — Ron Swanson
8. “When I eat, it is the food that is scared.” — Ron Swanson
9. “Fishing is for sport only. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.” — Ron Swanson
If you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of fishing quotes that will make you want to head out on the water.
10. “Breakfast food can serve many purposes.” — Ron Swanson
11. “You had me at ‘Meat Tornado.'” — Ron Swanson
12. “There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that’s lying about being milk.” — Ron Swanson
13. “Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream, or be nothing.” – Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson quotes about patriotism
14. “My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he’s allowed to decide is who to nuke. The man is chosen based on some kind of IQ test, and maybe also a physical tournament, like a decathlon. And women are brought to him, maybe…when he desires them.” – Ron Swanson
15. “There is only one bad word: taxes.” — Ron Swanson
16. “The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.” – Ron Swanson
17. “America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other ‘cultures,’ use an atlas or a ham radio.” — Ron Swanson
18. “History began on July 4, 1776. Everything that happened before that was a mistake.” — Ron Swanson
Also read these Rodney Dangerfield quotes and famous one-liners.
Ron Swanson quotes about being emotional
19. “Keep your tears in your eyes where they belong.” — Ron Swanson
20. “One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it.” — Ron Swanson
21. “I’ve cried twice in my life. Once when I was 7 and hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li’l Sebastian had passed.” – Ron Swanson
22. “Crying: acceptable at funerals and at the Grand Canyon.” — Ron Swanson
23. “Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.” – Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson quotes about people
24. “People are idiots.” — Ron Swanson
25. “Friends: one to three is sufficient.” — Ron Swanson
26. “The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am.” – Ron Swanson
27. “When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.” – Ron Swanson
28. “I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.” – Ron Swanson
29. “I am not interested in caring about people.” — Ron Swanson
30. “There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut.” — Ron Swanson
31. “On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time.” — Ron Swanson
If you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of ex quotes to help you make the most out of your break-up.
32. “It’s pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it.” — Ron Swanson
33. “Great job, everyone. The reception will be held in each of our individual houses, alone.” – Ron Swanson
34. “My first ex-wife’s name is Tammy. My second ex-wife’s name is Tammy. My mom’s name is Tamara… She goes by Tammy.” — Ron Swanson
35. “So, you talked to Tammy? What’s it like to stare into the eye of Satan’s butthole?” — Ron Swanson
Don’t forget to also check out our list of the best Steven Wright quotes that will bust your sides open.
Wise Ron Swanson quotes
36. “Sting like a bee. Do not float like a butterfly. That’s ridiculous.” — Ron Swanson
37. “Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.” — Ron Swanson
38. “Put some alcohol in your mouth to block words from coming out.” — Ron Swanson
39. “I like saying ‘No,’ it lowers their enthusiasm.” — Ron Swanson
40. “Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.” — Ron Swanson
41. “Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness.” – Ron Swanson
42. “I regret nothing. The end.” – Ron Swanson
43. “I’d wish you the best of luck but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures.” – Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson quotes on life teachings
44. “If any of you need anything at all, too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults.” — Ron Swanson
45. “Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.” — Ron Swanson
46. “Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons.” – Ron Swanson
47. “That is a canvas sheet, the most versatile object known to man. It can be used to make tents, backpacks, shoes, stretchers, sails, tarpaulins, and I suppose, in the most dire of circumstances, it can be a surface on which to make art.” – Ron Swanson
48. “Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat, and cats are useless.” – Ron Swanson
49. “The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy.” — Ron Swanson
50. “I was born ready. I’m Ron Fucking Swanson.” — Ron Swanson
Also check out these Ron Burgundy quotes that will make you laugh out loud.
Do these Ron Swanson quotes inspire you to live life on your terms?
Since the premiere of Parks and Recreation in 2009, Ron Swanson has been sharing his wisdom with the world. His view on life may be a little unusual, but that is what makes these Ron Swanson quotes so important.
Use these quotes to see life from a different point of view and to inspire you to live your life the way you choose. Be like Ron Swanson and live life for your passions.
Do these classic Ron Swanson quotes motivate you to enjoy life to the fullest? Which quote is your favorite? Let us know in the comment section below.
January 8, 2020 7:00 AM EST