25 Scrubs Quotes from the Funny Hospital Sitcom

If you are looking for some lighthearted laughs, check out these Scrubs quotes!

Scrubs is a comedy sitcom about working at a hospital that ran for nine seasons from 2001 through 2010.

The show was created by Bill Lawrence and stars actors and actresses Zach Braff, Sarah Chalke, Donald Faison, Judy Reyes, Neil Flynn, and John C. McGinley, among others.

The show was met with critical acclaim and received many award nominations throughout the series.

The plot of Scrubs follows J.D., who starts as an intern at a hospital, and we see the daily work and actions of the other characters through J.D.’s unique viewpoint.

Along with J.D., we follow his fellow interns and some of the other workers at the hospital, including:

• Dr. Cox
• Turk
• Carla
• Elliott
• Janitor

The setting is mainly at the hospital where J.D. and his coworkers work called Sacred Heart.

This is a series that my husband and I have watched more than once!

Take a look at these Scrubs quotes to learn more about the hilarious sitcom.

Scrubs Quotes Fans Will Recognize

Here are some quotes from the gang at Sacred Heart.

1. “Mr. Steel, first name, Man of.” — J.D.

2. “I grew up on the street. Sesame Street.” — J.D.

3. “I’ve got a hot Italian sausage for you, right here!” — The Todd

4. “It’s a hip-hop world, Keep up or get out of the way.” — Bob Kelso

5. “Yeah, I’m not that great with kids. They’ve got such tiny hands. It’s creepy.” — Elliot

6. “Who has two thumbs and doesn’t give a crap? Bob Kelso…I thought we’d met.” — Dr. Kelso

7. “I’m just saying, the only time you guys haven’t been together was our honeymoon.” — Carla

8. “I’ll tell you there, Bobbo, either this kid has a light bulb up his butt, or his colon has a great idea.” — Dr. Cox

9. “I haven’t told her yet. I mean, I was going to, but her not knowing I understand Spanish is like having a secret power.” — Turk

10. “I never really believed that you would or could love me. But just pretending for today made me feel good for a change.” — Janitor

Scrubs Quotes from J.D.

Get a feel for the main character through these quotes from John Dorian, also known as J.D.

11. “Brace yourself, I’m coming in. You smell like a father figure.” — J.D.

12. “I love you more than anything in the whole world. Elliot, I love you more than Turk.” — J.D.

13. “It’s not a unicorn; it’s a horse with a sword on its head that protects my hopes and dreams.” — J.D.

14. “The point is, Elliot. You’re a lot stronger than you used to be. I’ve changed, too… I have a beard now.” — J.D.

15. “You see, surgical and medical interns are kinda like two rival gangs. Not real gangs, more like those cheesy gangs you see in Broadway musicals.” — J.D.

16. “The truth is, you should consider yourself lucky if you even occasionally get to make someone-anyone-feel a little better.” — J.D.

More Scrubs Quotes to Make You Laugh

Here are a few more quotes that could only come from this series.

17. “Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present: Man not Caring.” — Dr. Cox

18. “This is not ‘Bring Your Problems to Work Day,’ this is just ‘Work Day.’” — Bob Kelso

19. “He doesn’t know that I cry sometimes because… I’m not sure there’s a cat heaven.” — Carla

20. “The simple fact that you seem to even care is why I took an interest in you to begin with. It’s why I trust you as a doctor.” — Dr. Cox

21. “You’ve been wrong so many times that I’m not even going to say something is wrong anymore. I’m going to say that it’s ‘Dorian.’” — Dr. Cox

22. “You know, Dr. Cox, you think that you have seen it all and done it all, but guess what? You haven’t done me… That didn’t come out right.” — Elliot

23. “And now, a boring announcement from a pointless tradition, brought to you by an aging figurehead with a failing liver and an over-active libido.” — Dr. Cox

24. “Newbie, do you want me to give my ‘things I don’t care about’ speech again? Because I’ve updated it to include all white guys who add -izzle to anything.” — Dr. Cox

25. “How is it that no man understands that every woman, whether she’s sixteen or sixty, still has that awkward, insecure, self-conscious teenage girl inside of her?” — Elliot

What Makes the Show So Funny?

Besides J.D., Scrubs focuses on hilarious characters such as his quirky on-and-off-again girlfriend Elliot, who is also a doctor, and his best friend Turk, who is a surgeon.

We also have the arrogant and demanding mentor in Dr. Cox, the wise nurse in Carla, and the strange but hilarious janitor named “Janitor.”

Let us know your favorite Scrubs Quotes in the comments, and please share them with others by clicking the share button!