25 Squidward Quotes for Glass-Half-Empty Days

If you are a SpongeBob fan or love being grouchy, you will love our Squidward quotes. 

Squidward has become an iconic figure as the face of the underzealous and jaded among us. 

He sees the world through a half-empty glass. 

Check out our Squidward quotes below to learn more. 

Who is Squidward?

Squidward is a cartoon character from SpongeBob Squarepants created by Stephen Hillenburg and voiced by Rodger Bumpass. 

He is SpongeBob’s grouchy, introverted neighbor who wants peace in his life. 

Squidward enjoys having tea alone, practicing his clarinet, and avoiding SpongeBob and his best friend, Patrick Star. 

Check out these Squidward facts below: 

  • As a youth, he had blonde hair that fell out. 
  • Squidward is allergic to strawberries and snail slime. 
  • Squidward used to give zodiac readings in short segments. 

Squidward feels his life is a constant string of bad luck. 

He famously quipped, “Why is it that whenever I’m having fun, it’s wrong?”

Is Squidward an octopus or a squid?

You would think a name like Squidward. Q. Tentacles would be a dead giveaway, but despite his moniker, Squidward is an octopus. 

The show’s creator initially wanted to call him Octoward, but that name sounded clunky and weird. 

Octopuses are brilliant creatures, perhaps explaining his ability to play the clarinet. 

On this, Hillenburg notes, “I like the octopus because they have such a bulbous head. And Squidward thinks he’s an intellectual, so, of course, he’s gonna have a large, bulbous head.”

What does Squidward live in?

People can say what they want about Squidward, but one thing you cannot question is his sense of style. 

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Where a person lives can say a lot about their personality and who they are. 

Squidward is ahead of his time when it comes to home design. 

He lives inside of a moai. 

Moai are the monolithic human figures carved by the Rapa Nui people of Polynesia. 

If you have ever heard of Rapa Nui or Easter Island, you most likely know of the famous giant statues carved all over the island’s perimeter. 

The giant-headed figures are world-famous for their beauty and technological achievement. 

Yes, Squidward lives in one of those! 

To learn more, check out our Squidward quotes below. 

Short Squidward quotes for when you’re feeling grumpy

Check out these bad-mood Squidward quotes. 

1. “I have no soul.” — Squidward

2. “I hate all of you!” — Squidward

3. “Oh, my aching tentacles!” — Squidward

4. “Too bad that didn’t kill me.” — Squidward

5. “Here, please hit me as hard as you can.” — Squidward

The top Squidward quotes for when you’re feeling dead

Some people wake up feeling alive; Squidward is not in that club.

6. “Being dead, or anything else!” — Squidward

7. “When I die, you stay away from my funeral.” — Squidward

8. “That’s not what I meant, you barnacle head!” — Squidward

9. “If I had a dollar for every brain you don’t have, I’d have one dollar.” — Squidward

10. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to say to you since the day we met. Goodbye.” — Squidward

The best Squidward quotes for when you’re feeling crabby

Squidward has a crabby patty and attitude. 

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11. “It’s not my birthday!!!” — Squidward

12. “It all started when I was born.” — Squidward

13. “I knew I shouldn’t have gotten out of bed today.” — Squidward

14. “I wonder if a fall from this height would be enough to kill me.” — Squidward

15. “Nobody gives a care about the fate of labor as long as they can get their instant gratification.” — Squidward

Famous Squidward quotes for anyone who hates work

Squidward thinks life at the Krusty Krab is not worth his time. 

16. “Please come again when I’m not working.” — Squidward

17. “Welcome to the House of Misery. May I take your order?” — Squidward

18. “Oh, it’s days like this that make me wish I had gone to college.” — Squidward

19. “Welcome to the Krusty Krab, where it’s almost as if the evolutionary clock ticks backward.” — Squidward

20. “I order the food, you cook the food. The customer gets the food. We do that for 40 years, and then we die.” — Squidward

Squidward quotes and sayings about why the world is a mess

Here are some of Squidward’s most memorable one-liners. 

21. “Why must every eleven minutes of my life be filled with misery? Why?!” — Squidward

22. “It’s just a cruel reminder that I’m single and likely to remain that way forever.” — Squidward

23. “What? Do you want me to call your supervisor and tell him you’re just standing around?” — Squidward

24. “I can’t believe anybody would celebrate a holiday where a jolly prowler breaks into your house and leaves gifts.” — Squidward

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25. “If you think I’m gonna stand out there all day listening to annoying SpongeBob noises, then you must have coral wedged in your frontal lobe!” — Squidward

Why is Squidward always in a bad mood?

Look, it ain’t easy being Squidward

It is easy to judge a person for how they behave, but sometimes must consider what is going on in their life. 

Squidward is a complicated octopus. 

He feels he has a dead-end career, has lost all his beautiful hair, and never gets a quiet moment to practice his beloved clarinet. 

But that is just the tip of the iceberg. 

He lives in close proximity to a motley crew of colorful characters. 

His neighbor, SpongeBob, is well-intentioned but comes with a lot of baggage.

Squidward is subjected to SpongeBob’s shenanigans daily.

To make matters worse, Squidward and SpongeBob work together at the Krusty Krab. 

Squidward feels that he cannot escape SpongeBob. 

Squidwad must function under the money-hungry thumb of his boss, Eugene Harold Krabs, better known as Mr. Krabs.

Do you have a favorite Squidward quote?

Be sure to let us know in the comments section below. 

Eugene Harold Krabs, better known as simply Mr. Krabs,

Clifton Sankofa has Master's degrees in English, Teaching, and School Leadership. He is a veteran educator and school leader. Clifton has built his career around teaching language arts, social-emotional learning, hip-hop(e), and vegan cooking. Across the country, Black and Brown communities die over preventable diseases. Clifton's aim is to help reverse this trend through cultural shifts. Using hip-hop and cultural-centered activities, he educates young people on how to reclaim their health and heritage through sustainable vegan eating, cooking practices, and literacy skills.
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