25 Stuart Smalley Quotes From the Hit Saturday Night Live Character

These Stuart Smalley quotes will brighten your day and leave you laughing!

Stuart Smalley is a fictional character created and performed by comedian and writer Al Franken for Saturday Night Live.

The character was inspired by Franken’s experiences while attending an Al-Anon meeting to support his wife.

Stuart first appeared on SNL in 1991, where he was the host of a mock self-help show called “Daily Affirmations With Stuart Smalley.”

Stuart Smalley was such a hit that he became a recurring character, where he would continue to host his show while having family members or famous guests appear on the show.

He would also participate in programs such as “Overeaters Anonymous or Children of Rageaholic Parents Anonymous, just to name a couple.

His popularity spawned a book in 1992 called “I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!”.

In 1995 a movie was made starring Stuart Smalley called Stuart Saves His Family, but the film bombed at the box office and effectively ended the character besides a few small appearances.

Enjoy some laughs while you read these Stuart Smalley quotes!

You will also enjoy our article on Schmidt quotes, or I Think You Should Leave quotes from the sketch comedy show.

Hilarious Stuart Smalley quotes

Stuart Smalley is a very funny character, as seen in the following quotes!

1. “Michael, denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.” — Stuart Smalley

2. “You’re should-ing all over yourself.” — Stuart Smalley

3. “I’m a human being, not a human doing.” — Stuart Smalley

4. “You need a checkup from the neck up.” — Stuart Smalley

5. “Oh, Julia, you don’t know Roz. She’s like a cootie or something.” — Stuart Smalley

6. “I’ve decided to take a risk and wear a new sweater. It was sent to me by a recovering sex addict, Melissa D., who knitted it herself; she said it gave her something to do with her hands.” — Stuart Smalley

Positive Stuart Smalley quotes

Stuart tries to be a positive person, as seen in the following quotes.

7. “Trace it, face it, and erase it.” — Stuart Smalley

8. “I didn’t cause it, I can’t cure it, I can’t control it.” — Stuart Smalley

9. “I want you to replace those negative thoughts with something positive – a daily affirmation.” — Stuart Smalley

10. “I’m going to do a terrific show today! And I’m going to help people!” — Stuart Smalley

11. “I’m good enough; I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” — Stuart Smalley

12. “As we say in program: progress, not perfection.” — Stuart Smalley

13. “I deserve good things. I am entitled to my share of happiness.” — Stuart Smalley

14. “It’s easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.” — Stuart Smalley

15. “I am an attractive person. I am fun to be with.” — Stuart Smalley

16. “I have to admit, it’s not my best show.. but that’s okay. I have to give myself permission to do a bad show every now and then.” — Stuart Smalley

17. “I want you to look in that mirror, and I want you to repeat after me: ‘I am a worthy human being.’” — Stuart Smalley

Sad Stuart Smalley quotes

Sometimes Stuart has down moments, as seen in the following quotes.

18. “I’m in a shame spiral.” — Stuart Smalley

19. “You’re right. It’s just stinking thinking.” — Stuart Smalley

20. “Compare and despair.” — Stuart Smalley

21. “I am just a fool.. I.. I don’t know what I’m doing.” — Stuart Smalley

22. “I just want to curl up and lay in bed all day and eat Fig Newtons.” — Stuart Smalley

23. “My father grew up in the Great Depression – his mother’s.” — Stuart Smalley

24. “Okay, Jodie, I would never ordinarily say this, but – is there any way you can get to a pound cake?” — Stuart Smalley

25. “They’re gonna cancel the show. I’m gonna die homeless and penniless and twenty pounds overweight, and no one will ever love me.” — Stuart Smalley

What Was Stuart Smalley’s Appearance?

Stuart was an effeminate man with bleached blonde hair, always wearing a bright yellow button-down shirt covered with a powder blue cardigan.

Stuart likes to use his hands when talking and is big on expressing excitement and enthusiasm when speaking.

Please share these Stuart Smalley quotes with your friends and family that could use a laugh, and post any comments about the character in the comment section below.