These Michael Scott quotes will make you laugh out loud and inspire you at the same time.
Michael Scott (played by Steve Carrell) is a fictional character from the sitcom The Office, which ran from 2005-2013.
Why is Michael Scott such a beloved TV character?
Michael Scott’s personality is “quirky” to say the least (some think he suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder)! He often overestimates his self worth, offends his employees with crude remarks, and causes chaos in, you guessed it, the office!
Regardless of what you think of the character, Michael Scott has an unlimited supply of funny quotes about work, life, love, and management theory. He also misquotes common phrases, and hysterically so at that!
Below you’ll find our collection of hilarious Michael Scott quotes and sayings to give you a good laugh.
We also have a compilation of funny quotes from Elf. Be sure to check them out as well.
Michael Scott quotes about quitting and being let go
1.) “I’m running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.”- Michael Scott
2.) “You should have burned down this place when you had a chance.” – Michael Scott
3.) “No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.” – Michael Scott
4.) “I declare bankruptcy! When it all becomes too much and you feel that just saying it is enough to get you out of trouble.” – Michael Scott
5.) “Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.” – Michael Scott
6.) “I don’t want to work. I just want to bang on this mug all day.” – Michael Scott
Michael Scott quotes on how to live life
7.) “Saved a life. My own. Am I a hero?… I really can’t say, but yes!” – Michael Scott
8.) “Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.” – Michael Scott
9.) “And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” – Michael Scott
10.) “Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering.” – Michael Scott
11.) “They say on your deathbed you never wish you spent more time at the office, but I will.” – Michael Scott
12.) “And I’m optimistic because everyday I get a little more desperate.” – Michael Scott
13.) “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” – Michael Scott
14.) “There’s no such thing as an appropriate joke. That’s why it’s called a joke.” – Michael Scott
15.) “Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.” – Michael Scott
16.) “You should never settle for who you are. Always go for better if it exists. Sometimes this is all there is to improve yourself.” – Michael Scott
Also check out these hilarious quotes from Talladega Nights.
Michael Scott quotes on love and marriage
17.) “Well, it’s love at first sight. Actually, it was… No, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.” – Michael Scott
18.) “Webster’s Dictionary defines “wedding” as: The fusing of two metals with a hot torch.” – Michael Scott
19.) “All my kids grew up, and then they married each other. It’s every parents’ dream.” – Michael Scott
20.) “I wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends and no one can say ‘no’ to being my friend.” – Michael Scott
21.) “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott
22.) “Presents are the best way to show how much you care. It’s a tangible thing you can point at and say, ‘Hey man, I love you. This many dollars worth.’” – Michael Scott
23.) “There is no greater feeling than when two people who are perfect for each other overcome all obstacles, and find true love.” – Michael Scott
Michael Scott quotes about management and his employees
24.) “An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to… An office is a place where dreams come true.” – Michael Scott
25.) “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.” – Michael Scott
26.) “I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.” – Michael Scott
27.) “Do I have a special someone? Well, yeah of course. A bunch of ’em. My employees.” – Michael Scott
28.) “The most sacred thing I do is care, and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money.” – Michael Scott
29.) “Now, you may look around and see two groups here. White collar, blue collar. But I don’t see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.” – Michael Scott
30.) “The only time I set the bar low is for limbo. Always keep the bar raised no matter what.” – Michael Scott
31.) “The people that you work with are, when you get down to it, your very best friends.” – Michael Scott
32.) “Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them.” – Michael Scott
33.) “Good managers don’t fire. They hire and inspire.” – Michael Scott
34.) “I do think I am very approachable. But maybe I need to be even approachabler.” – Michael Scott
Michael Scott quotes on things all wrong
35.) “You know what they say ‘Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice…strike three.” – Michael Scott
36.) “I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott
37.) “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.” – Michael Scott
38.) “Well, well, well how the turntables.” – Michael Scott
39.) “Mmm. Sort of an oaky afterbirth.” – Michael Scott
40.) “Those things are like ticking time bags.” – Michael Scott
41.) “I’m in love! I was hit by Cupid’s sparrow!” – Michael Scott
Michael Scott’s best one liners
42.) “Dwight, you ignorant slut!” – Michael Scott
43.) “So I don’t think that this is totally just a woman’s suit.” – Michael Scott
44.) “St. Patrick’s Day is the closest thing the Irish have to Christmas.” – Michael Scott
45.) “The worst thing about prison was the dementors.” – Michael Scott
46.) “I love inside jokes. Love to be a part of one someday.” – Michael Scott
47.) “Pizza: the great equalizer.” – Michael Scott
48.) “I’ve got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.” – Michael Scott
49.) “I’m dead inside.” – Michael Scott
50.) “I know the crap out of women.” – Michael Scott
Other Michael Scott quotes
51. “Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.” – Michael Scott
52. “The strong survive, but the courageous triumph.” – Michael Scott
53. “We are nothing more than the sum of our memories and experiences.” – Michael Scott
54. “Every story starts with an idea, but it is the characters that move this idea forward.” – Michael Scott
55. “If you tell people everything you take away their opportunity to learn.” – Michael Scott
56. “Great change always comes down to the actions of a single person.” – Michael Scott
57. “We do not always get what we want. Sometimes life presents us with surprises.” – Michael Scott
58. “Knowledge itself is never dangerous, it is how that knowledge is used that is dangerous.” – Michael Scott
59. “We had little or no emotion. We lacked the capacity to feel fear, to experience love, to enjoy the sensations of happiness and delight. The finest warriors are not only those who do not fear but those who are without anger.” – Michael Scott
60. “Hate is the most useless of all emotions. Success is the best revenge.” – Michael Scott
Can you imagine working for Michael Scott in real life?
Michael Scott had a lot to say about living life and finding love. He also made many quotes about how to manage your employees. While these wouldn’t really work in the real world, they were hilarious to watch on TV!
Listening to him incorrectly quote common sayings, could have been a show in and of itself! Can you imagine working for Michael Scott in real life? I have a feeling that it wouldn’t be so amusing…but The Office was hilarious, thanks in part to these quotes from Michael Scott!
Did you enjoy these hilarious Michael Scott quotes? Which of the quotes is your favorite? Let us know in the comment section below.