Developing conscious resilience is the key to making this the best year of your life.
Now, you might wonder, “how can I make this the year that my hopes, dreams, and goals come to fruition?”
Luckily, it is not that hard to get started.
Begin by connecting the dots of past events, so they push you forward in a positive manner.
Realize the skills you develop when you are:
- when your back is against the wall
Make these skills conscious so you can access them whenever you need them.
What will conscious resilience give you?
It is an expanded set of tested skills you have developed because they work for you.
This is expertise you can purposefully dip into, much like you do with your toolbox when you want to hang a picture and need a hammer or screwdriver.
The key is to make these special talents of yours conscious.
That means owning them.
Following these five simple steps (based on my book, The Resilient Woman) will help you do that.
Use stress as your guide for developing conscious resilience
We never seek to change or learn when we’re “fat and happy.”
Stress is often the first push we need to move forward, and it is a great motivator to take immediate action.
Welcome it and be curious about what it is going to teach you.
“A crisis is a terrible thing to waste.” — Paul Romer
Whether your stress is from:
- being fired and realizing you’ve hated your job, so it is truly time to change
- gaining enough weight that even your fat clothes don’t fit
- realizing you’re more in love with your boyfriend’s potential than with him (and he’s choosing not to exercise that potential
Use your wisdom to determine what is right for you
So often, we have the answers we need inside of us, but they’re frequently the ones we’d rather NOT listen to for fear they will further complicate our lives.
The second step in connecting the dots is to turn up the volume on how you have handled similar challenges.
This will allow you to hear, draw on your inner wisdom, and develop conscious resilience.
“Do not fear your inner light. Carry it into a dark world.” — Lailah Gifty Akita
Why is this so difficult?
Because inside us are many opinions, many voices, and many shoulds, all internalized in the past but not all helpful in the present.
When we shift the focus from our needs to those of others, we make their voices louder than our own.
We put all our emphasis on anticipating their reactions:
- Mother will be horrified.
- My friends won’t like me.
- I’ll look like a wimp if I don’t answer first.
However, you usually know what you need to do.
Don’t be afraid to listen to the person who knows you better than anyone else, the expert in your life—YOU.
Take charge and create helpful boundaries that will help develop conscious resilience
Deciding what is right for you and what is not is crucial in moving forward.
The third step is actively setting your boundaries.
“A broken soul doesn’t invest in boundaries because the world has crossed them, without mercy.” – Shannon L. Alder
The simplest boundary to erect is to say “no.”
No is a complete sentence – but “no” may be the most difficult word you can utter, particularly when trying to move forward.
Because being so clear about what is right and what is not right for you might be something, you have practiced little.
Other helpful boundaries that will aid in developing conscious resilience are:
- Don’t seek permission to set a limit. This is your right, and you have the power to do this. Say what is right for you, but don’t feel you need to justify this.
- Don’t feel you need to apologize for setting a limit. You can empathize with the position this may put the other person in, which differs from asking for forgiveness.
- Don’t feel trapped by needing to be nice all the time. Like everyone else, you can have opinions about what you will and will not do.
Think positively, even when you’re angry
Whether telling yourself you can get into that tight parking space even though you are angry with yourself for being late or redefining yourself in the wake of realizing your husband is having an affair, thinking positively is a great way to connect the dots and move forward.
“Find a place inside where there is joy; the joy will burn out the pain.”—Joseph Campbell
The other choice you have is to feel trapped.
This waste of energy will leave you in the same place you were previously.
You will feel even more frightened and exhausted because you have depleted your energy, beating yourself up instead of determining a plan.
You can change this type of self-sabotage.
Begin by seeing the crisis you are in as a gift.
There is a present in this pain, which is finding more of you, undiscovered parts of you that will make you proud.
How do you do this?
See what is facing you as a learning opportunity, even if it’s a lesson you’d rather not deal with or don’t have time for.
See what you are struggling with as an opportunity to shine, even if only you know about it.
You have the power to think positively about your ability to face and thrive in the wake of anything you must confront.
It all begins with re-framing what you are dealing with as a present that will help you develop a skill you needed.
Develop gratitude for who you are and what you have learned
Your experiences helped shape you into the person you are today.
Learning what you need to know is a gift.
Gratitude is the key that allows you to put the dots of your life in a positive perspective by focusing on what each of your struggles has taught you.
“Now I walk in beauty, beauty is before me, beauty is behind me, above and below me.” —Navajo Prayer
This is the final step in utilizing experience to move forward and learning to develop conscious resilience.
How can you connect the dots of your life to move forward?
- Learn from the past and own what your struggles have taught you.
- Trust your inner wisdom and make your skills—your resilience—conscious.
- Take charge and protect yourself by setting helpful boundaries.
- Reframe your story and see your crisis as a gift, a great motivator to develop a needed skill.
- Focus on gratitude for what you’ve learned from your struggles and how this has positively shaped you.
Conscious resilience is a great gift you can give yourself and those around you daily.
By tapping into your conscious resilience, you’ll gain confidence that is resilient enough for the challenges that lie ahead.
Check out this awesome video on innovation and resiliency!
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