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Family Guy Quotes for the Cartoon Loving Adult

If you loved the show, these Family Guy quotes will make you shake your head and laugh. Share your favorite character in the comments below.

Family Guy is an Adult cartoon sitcom based on American humor that has become a classic standard of adult animated comedy.

The series revolves around the Family of Griffins in the fictional city of Quahog, Rhode Island. It is a metafictional comedy that distances itself from the traditional delivery of humor or story.

Since its premiere in 1999, Family Guy has received numerous Primetime Emmy Awards and Annie Awards for its brilliant comedic writing.

This series gave tons of laughter and fun to its audience worldwide. So, relax and have fun reading these Family Guy quotes.

Don’t forget to also check out these Big Mouth quotes you can’t help but laugh at

Family Guy quotes from Stewie

1. “Oh yeah? Can you read my mind? Can you tell what I’m thinking? I’m thinking shut up and get a salad!” — Stewie

2. “Brian, I think we can get John Mayer to stop tweeting again, but we all got to work together.” — Stewie

3. “If anybody’s gonna take that bitch down, it’s gonna be me.” — Stewie

4. “I’d like to stay and chat, but you’re a total bitch.” — Stewie

5. “You know, that was a stroller, not a speed bump.” — Stewie

6. “Oh, I know it hurts now Brian, but look at the bright side, you have some new material for that novel you’ve been writing. You know, the…the novel you’ve been working on. You know, the…the one, uh, you been working on for three years.” — Stewie

7. “Hey. Guess where I have a crayon.” — Stewie

8. “His brain may be gone, but he’s a lot of fun.” — Stewie

9. “How does it feel to be the least cultured person at a bus station?” — Stewie

10. “Hi. I’m Stewie Griffin. Tonight’s “Family Guy” was a very special episode about drug use, but the simple fact is it’s no laughing matter. To learn more about drugs, visit your local library. There’s probably a guy behind there who sells drugs. Good night.” — Stewie

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11. “Hey, you know this old woman who lived in a shoe, she had so many children, she didn’t know what to do? I got something she could do. Get your tubes tied, you kook!” — Stewie

12.“Oh, and tell Cookie Monster not to phone me until he finishes rehab.” — Stewie

Family Guy quotes from Peter

13. “Come on, Lois, isn’t ‘bribe’ just another word for ‘love?’” — Peter

14. “Come on, let’s go drink until we can’t feel feelings anymore.” — Peter

15. “I’ll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.” — Peter

16. “Now I may be an idiot, but there’s one thing I am not sir, and that sir, is an idiot.” — Peter

17. “I saw Baywatch. That thing was freakin’ rad.” — Peter

18. “I’m planning on dying tonight. What are your plans?” — Peter

19. “How can I be a DJ? I’m just a guy with a laptop and an inflated self image.” — Peter

20. “All right, red light. Time to text and shave and whittle and floss.” — Peter

21. “We act like we didn’t take a lot from the Simpsons. We took a lot from the Simpsons.” — Peter

22. “I swear to God I thought dogs could breathe underwater.” — Peter

23. “What? Gosh, it’s not like the internet to go crazy about something small and stupid.” — Peter

24. “Lois, if God wanted me to not sleep with my wife he would have made me John Travolta.” — Peter

Family Guy quotes from Lois

25. “Yeah, it’s every girl’s dream to have her husband hoisted out of a food truck in a horse harness.” — Lois

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26. “Wow, we rolled three gutter balls on these kids, huh?” — Lois

27. “This is serious. We need to think about our kids’ education. Of course, it’s already too late for Meg to go to college and Chris is too dumb to get in anywhere.” — Lois

28. “Okay, everyone, it’s 2:30! Time for dinner! ‘Cause on Thanksgiving, 2:30 is dinnertime for some reason!” — Lois

29. “Brian, save your hippie B.S. for the winter months.” — Lois

30. “Well, the best advice I can give is that you never know who’s gonna grow up to be famous, so just make yourself available.” — Lois

31. “So you can cook your own damned turkey, wrap your own damned presents – and while you’re at it, you can all ride a one-horse open sleigh to Hell!” — Lois

Family Guy quotes from Quagmire

32. “You know, you are doing a great job, Chris. Why don’t you jerk the rest of the day off.” — Quagmire

33. “Trust me, you’re banging 8 strangers who responded to a flyer. At some point you’re going to look out a window and question every decision you’ve ever made.” — Quagmire

34. “Peter, what’d I say about you volunteering me for shit?” — Quagmire

35. “Giggity giggity GOD, I made a terrible mistake!” — Quagmire

36. “He’s a baby who did a baby thing. Let’s all calm down a little.” — Quagmire

37. “We’re a team like fish and chips and fat guys.” — Quagmire

38. “My misguided carnal instincts are the results of being raised by a sexual deviant.” — Quagmire

Family Guy quotes from Brian

39. “Hey, you know what would be great? If you could talk with even a little bit of inflection in your voice so it doesn’t sound so much like a fucking power sander?” — Brian

40. “Sometimes in life, you just have to accept what’s coming to you. Like the contestant who gets the lesser showcase on ”The Price is Right”.” — Brian

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41. “If there was a God would He give you a smokin’ hot mom like Lois and then have you grow up looking like Peter?” — Brian

42. “So you can cook your own damned turkey, wrap your own damned presents – and while you’re at it, you can all ride a one-horse open sleigh to Hell!” — Brian

43. “Peter, those aren’t your kids. That’s the Nick at Nite line-up.” — Brian

44. “You look like Lou Ferrigno’s poop.” — Brian

45. “Whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?” — Brian

46. “You know what, Stewie, if you don’t like it, go on the Internet and complain.” — Brian

Family Guy quotes from Chris

47. “You can’t get a boner! You’re a failure as a man and a father!” — Chris

48. “I thought you were this wordly, sophisticated guy, but you’re just a fraud. Like Moses.” — Chris

49. “I tucked it between my legs as a joke and then it got stuck.” — Chris

50. “All I know about sex is from internet porn, so I’m very excited to try buffering.” — Chris

Which of these Family Guy quotes is your favorite?

The Griffins consist of very odd and peculiar family members that make the show shine. Each Griffin is unique and has a distinct characteristic that allows more variation in delivering its comedic value to the audience. Even their family dog is a fun character to watch and plays significant screen time each episode.

This series became a cult success in various TV channels and even sold millions of DVD copies worldwide.

The series also uses distinct cutaways techniques in delivering the gags to emphasize social phenomena or cultural icons, which fans find hilarious.

Now is a great time to rewatch some episodes after reading these Family Guy quotes and sayings.

Stephanie Kirby
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