20 Prison Mike Quotes From the Hilarious Character in The Office

Fans of the hit television series The Office will love these Prison Mike quotes!

Prison Mike is a character created by Michael Scott in the comedy television series The Office.

Michael Scott is a fictional character created by Greg Daniels, Ricky Gervais, and Stephen Merchant.

In The Office, Michael Scott is the Regional Manager, and actor Steve Carell portrays him.

When Michael learns that one of his employees has been in jail and hears jokes that it must have been better than the office, he takes things to extremes.

In an effort to make his staff realize that working at “the office” is a privilege and that it is better and cooler than being in prison, Michael creates the character Prison Mike.

Take a look at these Prison Mike quotes to learn more about this hilarious character.

Best Prison Mike Quotes from Michael Scott

You’ll recognize these quotes if this is one of your favorite episodes.

1. “In prison, you are somebody’s b*tch.” — Prison Mike

2. “And I nevah got caught, neither.” — Prison Mike

3. “Don’t drop the soap! Don’t drop the soap!” — Prison Mike

4. “You, my friend, would be da belle of da ball.” — Prison Mike

5. “Close your eyes. Picture a convict.” — Prison Mike

6. “Gruel sandwiches. Gruel omelets.” — Prison Mike

7. “All right, hey, hey, hey, hey. That’s just the way we talk in the clink.” — Prison Mike

8. “I’m Prison Mike. Do you know why they call me Prison Mike?” — Prison Mike

9. “Nothing but gruel. Plus, you can eat your own hair.” — Prison Mike

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10. “This office is the American dream. And they would rather be in the hole.” — Prison Mike

Prison Mike Quotes to Make You Laugh

Michael Scott goes over the top with this character, as is his style on the show.

11. “Why don’t we pump some iron? Anyone wanna pump up?” — Prison Mike

12. “It’s two and a half. I’m not going for bulk; I’m going for tone.” — Prison Mike

13. “I stole, and I robbed, and I kidnapped the President’s son and held him for ransom.” — Prison Mike

14. “No, not “Harry Potter.” There are no movies in prison.” — Prison Mike

15. “Been a lot of fun talk about prison today, but I am here to scare you straight.” — Prison Mike

16. “Do you really expect me to not push you up against the wall, biatch?” — Prison Mike

17. “Yeah, it’s freaking cold out here. Anybody wants to stay out, you’ve got about 27 minutes of rec time.” — Prison Mike

18. “And from me, Prison Mike, to you, I just wanna thank you for listening to me—letting me be a part of your life today. ‘Cause you got a good life!” — Prison Mike

19. “Look, prison stinks, is what I’m saying. It’s not like you can go home, and recharge your batteries, and come back in the morning, and be with your friends having fun in the office.” — Prison Mike

20. “The worst thing about prison was the… was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place, and they were scary, and then they’d come down, and they’d suck the soul out of your body, and it hurt!” — Prison Mike

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What Does Prison Mike Teach the Office Staff?

Michael creates the character Prison Mike based on a quick internet search, then stereotypes a character to the extreme.

Prison Mike teaches the staff that prison is horrible with his New York accent while wearing his gang bandana and squinting an eye injured in a prison fight.

Prison Mike does his best to scare the staff away from prison and teach them how good they have it working at the office.

Please share these hilarious Prison Mike quotes with your family and friends and post any comments about the character in the comment section below.

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