25 Theo Von Quotes From the Comedian and Media Personality

Enjoy some laughs while viewing these Theo Von quotes!

Theo Von’s full name is Theodor Capitani von Kurnatowski, and he was born in Covington, Louisiana, in 1980.

Von is not only a stand-up comedian; he is also a television personality and a podcaster.

His father was nearly 70 years old when Theo was born, and Theo was legally emancipated at the age of 14.

After high school, he attended multiple colleges before receiving his degree from the University of New Orleans in 2011.

Von started his reality television career when he was just 19 when he appeared on MTV’s Road Rules, and he would later go on to win two seasons of The Challenge before winning season 4 of The Last Comic Standing.

He would then become a member of the comedy sketch show called Reality Bites Back and beat the other competing comedians.

Take a look at these Theo Von quotes to learn more about this successful comedian.

The Best Theo Von Quotes 

Have a look at this list of the best Theo Von quotes. 

1. “A plate is just a spread-out cup.” — Theo Von 

2. “Kites are just birds without wings.” — Theo Von 

3. “Nothing changes if nothing changes.” — Theo Von 

4. “I don’t know. If I knew, I’d know, ya know?” — Theo Von 

5. “New Jersey, I’d say, is one of the top 50 states.” — Theo Von 

6. “A hat is just like a tiny apartment for your head.” — Theo Von 

7. “They’re just jokes, people. They can’t all be funny.” — Theo Von 

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8. “I could have been a dancer. I just never got my shot at it.” — Theo Von 

9. “Howie Mandel is my favorite. He’s so friendly, and he’s a family man.” — Theo Von 

10. “If I could have anything, I would probably get an old Ford F-150 from the ’70s.” — Theo Von

Theo Von Quotes For Comedy Fans 

Here are Theo Von quotes for fans of comedy. 

11. “You ever wish you were blind?” — Theo Von 

12. “The ferret, the limousine of rodents.” — Theo Von 

13. “Your toes are like ten small little Floridas just hanging off your body.” — Theo Von 

14. “I got booed off the stage one time. This was at a University in Florida.” — Theo Von 

15. “You are an inmate who is not locked up if you’re eating ice cream with a fork.” — Theo Von 

16. “When I was young, they had four machines at the gym for ladies, and three of ‘em were stoves!” — Theo Von 

17. “They had all the tall boys in my 8th-grade class go try to round up some chimps that had escaped the local zoo. Felt good to be considered a tall boy at the time.” — Theo Von 

More Theo Von Quotes 

Check out more Theo Von quotes. 

18. “Camping is like being briefly Amish.” — Theo Von 

19. “I didn’t really eat much today. I had, uhh.. two orange halves. — Theo Von 

20. “I got the fingers of a pianist or somebody looking for something real small in a basket.” — Theo Von 

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21. “You can always come back. Throughout my life, I’ve been back home to my Louisiana home fifty times.” — Theo Von 

22. “As soon as I was tall enough, my dad used to let me drive him 60 miles or 70 miles to work. That was pretty fun.” — Theo Von 

23. “I don’t know if I’m living sometimes or if I’m doing a to-do list. And then I don’t know whose to-do list it is sometimes.” — Theo Von 

24. “In Louisiana, you can drive when you’re 15 – you could get your driving permit. I remember, during driver’s ed, I fell asleep at the wheel one day.” — Theo Von 

25. “The students didn’t know that I had to come back out six more times because I was hosting the show. They just thought that I was a comedian opening the show.” — Theo Von 

What Is Theo Von Doing Now?

Von has been the host of numerous online and television shows as well as appeared in short parts for multiple sitcoms.

He has also continued his stand-up comedian tour and is the host of the popular podcast called This Past Weekend.

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