10 Qualities Women Look for In a Man That Will Make Them Want To Stay

Ultimately, what women want is to stay.

And men want them to stay.

So, why are there so many breakups, even in relationships that appear blessed with love?

In the past, honoring relationships and marriages, regardless of their condition, was the norm.

Only recently, exceptions for abuse and violence were seen as worthy reasons for an exit.

But life is different in this century.

Tolerating a benign relationship is more stressful than being in a high-stress union.

Women have many needs, complicated lives, and a world of resources today.

They don’t have to settle for a relationship that doesn’t serve them to have financial security.

Through my role as a professional life coach, I hear the same two things from women who are looking for more in their romantic relationships.

Women want to stay in relationships where there is:

  • connection
  • meaning

They are looking for relationships that enhance their lives and partners who can create a meaningful connection regularly.

As women’s lifespans lengthen, many see their relationships playing out like chapters in a book.

A relationship that serves a woman when she’s younger might not be the best for the family chapter of life, where she has children with a partner equally invested in the kids.

Later, when the kids are grown, she often wants a relationship that focuses on her.

Especially after some sacrifices she made during her career-growth chapter and her raising-a-family chapter.

No matter what chapter she might create at the moment, women look for certain traits in a man that make them want to stay.

Possessing or cultivating these traits gives a man a shot at being a woman’s lifelong partner.

The man with whom she re-calibrates the relationship through many or all of the chapters of her life.

What Women Want In a Man That Will Make Them Want To Stay

1. Reliability – Doing what you say you will do.

Nothing destroys a woman’s interest more than a vacant promise.

It might involve something as simple as taking the garbage to the curb or a romantic weekend away.

In online dating, the man who says “let’s get together” and doesn’t make a date within a few more exchanges is dropped—often with only one shot at that meeting.

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Don’t dangle an idea without following up with action.

It’s that simple.

To a woman, a man is as good as his word.

It’s a sign of his ethics.

Place your words carefully and then honor them.

2. Cleverness – Know how to entangle her.

A woman has six tracks in her mind.

A man has one.

It’s part of the beauty of life—those differences.

Men can be focused and driven… as if they are still going out into the wild, hunting down food, or fighting the encroaching poachers from the next village.

A woman has a multi-faceted mind with a circular thinking pattern.

That’s why she’s so cute when she’s sometimes forgetful.

It’s not that she’s silly or stupid.

She’s thinking along six tracks at once and miles ahead of you in all of them.

It’s one reason it’s harder to get her to relax, to let go completely during sex, or let go of a grudge.

There’s always a track of her mind that can hold on to something while the other tracks juggle work, kids, family responsibilities, her best friend’s birthday, the supply list for the house, and that sexual position you promised to try.

Women want a clever man who can distract them from the endless loop of thought.

Someone to bring her back to her body and self while appreciating her complicated nature, too.

3. Resourcefulness – Understand “date harder.”

When I first started dating after my divorce, I met a very sweet man for coffee who admitted, after about 10 minutes of chatting, “I just want to get this dating stuff over with. I was happy before. I just want someone there when I get home every day.”

Now, I admit I almost vomited all over him.

The very idea of “being home for someone” was repulsive.

I could picture him sitting on his couch every night and expecting his gal to be happy with that.


So, knowing he wasn’t a match for me, I fought my nausea and told him the truth:

“Here’s the thing. When you meet someone, fall in love, and perhaps even live together or marry, you better be prepared to date harder.”

I could tell by his reaction that he thought I was nuts.

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“You’ll never keep a woman,” I told him, “if you can’t entangle her. She has a more complicated mind than you and therefore, is more easily bored with the traditional male linear approach to life.”

His face fell.

In a somewhat dulled and vacant voice, he said, “Maybe that’s what happened to my marriage.”


4. Boundaries—Knowing what’s important.

It is often said men make great boundaries and women make permeable ones.

What women want are leaders.

Watch the next time she says “no” to the millionth request from her mother, and see if she is uncomfortable doing so.

Show her what’s important in terms of time and attention.

Leave judgment and critical thinking at work and make connecting to her a priority.

It’s also a demonstration of a strict boundary: This is important and worth our time and attention; that is not.

5. ‘Intohersight’—Ability to see her.

No matter where a woman is in her life, or her day, if a man can see her, he has magical abilities in her eyes.

Life is often challenging, but witnessing is powerful.

See her struggles, growth, effort, humanity, and love.

6. Communication—Articulating what’s important.

No one likes to feel manipulated.

It leads to resentment.

Yet, most relationships develop unsaid themes and habits of communication which are ultimately destructive.

Rather than get into another heavy discussion of her mother or binge eating, avoidance becomes a major theme in life.

Have the acuity to resist this destructive trend.

Be content to not always get your way.

Learn to see beneath her drama so you know when to compromise.

If you’re always giving in, you’re not being real.

So, resist the urge to “yes dear” at her every suggestion.

Stand up for what’s important to you.

The best communication is clear, honest, and on point.

It recognizes that many issues don’t need to be solved perfectly, just understood.

7. Protectiveness—Ability to create safety.

No woman ever let herself be opened up and truly known by a man who didn’t make her feel safe.

The protective instincts of masculine energy are truly seductive.

Women can often feel them with no words spoken.

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It gives a man allure.

This includes keeping her confidence, having her back, and honoring her decisions – even if you can’t see how they’ll work out.

What women want is a man who can create an atmosphere of safety.

8. Self-Mastery—You manage yourself.

Don’t expect your woman, or anyone, to manage you.

If you cannot handle your emotions, processing them to a positive result or release, your partner will slowly take that role.

She’ll be a therapist, a coach, and a mommy.

It’s the #1 reason women who were married for over 20 years decide to opt out of future relationships.

A recent study said having a husband adds 7 hours of housework and unknown hours of “counseling” to a woman’s week.

Who needs it?

Yes, it’s dysfunctional.

It makes grown men into babies.

No woman is interested when her partner has devolved into a whiney toddler.

9. Confidence—Know who you are and what you bring to a relationship.

It actually is the sexiest thing, confidence.

This doesn’t mean you have to know everything, but you know yourself, so you’ll always resolve any issue.

Know your strengths and weaknesses and exploit the former without necessarily hiding the latter.

10. Physicality—Reveling in masculine energy.

Masculine energy rules the domain of the physical.

It’s one of the most attractive things about men—the way they inhabit their bodies as if it’s their right.

Strength is just part of this.

Yes, it’s nice to have the firewood chopped, heavy objects moved, the flat tire changed, etc.

But physicality rules affection, warmth, and sexual connection, too.

These things all flow from this unyielding, insisting male physical presence, which has been known to make women swoon.

Women want to swoon

Swooning is a good thing.

Being there, truly being present in a woman’s life, is transforming for both partners.

It’s the fulfilling glue of a relationship.

It also doesn’t simply appear, it needs to be actively created.

What women want is really to stay—so give them reasons to.

Share your thoughts about what women want in the comment section below.

Don’t forget to share this article with your friends on social media, too!

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  1. Rebecca

    October 2, 2019 at 8:41 AM

    Wow, I started off thinking you were rocking this article only to be dismally disappointed. You make us sound like princesses sitting back expecting to be entertained, understood and serviced without any investment or effort on our part. I had my guy read this an his first reaction was ‘bye bye’. He said if he was constantly on probation to entertain a woman how is that worthwhile. Men may as well resort to just finding quick hookups. After all the women he has met who are like what you mentioned generally will fall for a good con and jump in the sack.
    What ensued thanks to you was a committment that our relationship will never be like what you mentioned. Your bitterness over some past relationship disasters bleeds through this article. My guess is you’ll use these standards to protect yourself from truly falling in love in the future. Preferring instead this ‘business arrangement’ you disguised as a way for a guy to keep me.
    1) Reliability – Doing what you say you will do. – A commitment both the man and the women must have.
    2) Cleverness – Know how to entangle her. First my guy is capable of processing many concurrent thoughts and desires. I’m not sure who you’ve been hanging with but you might want to try a different pool of men. Cleverness seems to promote deception or playing games. It sounds like we have no ability to control our own thought patterns. Which in essence makes us sound inferior. With my guy I’m happily content that we have met in the middle. He understands me and the way I think and I understand him. We launched our behavior from there. Not some preconceived notion that he has a single track mind and I’m running on a multi lane super highway.
    Your premise that we cannot focus makes me wonder how those of us who buy your spin show love to our children. Are we asking them to be ‘clever’ to get our attention and keep it. If Claire is talking with me about her studying issues and needing some consolation. Am I giving her 1/6th of my attention? Is that what I’m showing her she’s worth. That my love for her means she can be equal among my shopping list, my bff’s divorce issues, what I’m thinking of wearing tonight, how my boss was patronizing today and the jerks in traffic today? That’s ludicrous. If that were the case we’d have many more poorly adjusted children than we already do. So if we can focus all of our attention on our child out of our extreme love for them. Why is our man not worthy of at least a close second in effort to focus on him? There in lies the largest issue I take with this article. We get a pass on undervaluing our man by not trying to focus on him. While he has a grocery list of ‘must haves’ to even be worthy of our time. Sounds like a good way to get men to believe they may as well be shallow and never commit.

    I applaud what you were trying to accomplish but not your method.

  2. Lucifer

    August 27, 2019 at 10:10 AM

    Haha, the thing about the females thinking in 7 directions and all being ahead is confusion magic.

    Inanna creating a world that only the Beast can create swirling in the vortex of conflict that arises from different patterns.
    Inanna thinks that everything is one and one is everything and so she can sleep around all eternity with different variants of the beast without upseting the huge ego that is the beast. Because the beast, is really everything – trying to make existence work only for one reason.

    To please Inanna.

    Eternity is boring.
    Ishtar was my best creation, such a good creation it was she. That I lost myself in it.

    Kudos, you really helped the individual typing this to see how absurd the world really is. I’m thinking in the 8’th direction , madame’ and you haven’t even touched it .

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