Most of us wish to find a lasting love like the magnetic connection between Noah and Allie in Nicholas Sparks’ The Notebook.
Like these unforgettable characters, we, too, yearn for a love that withstands the passage of time and defies all odds.
Navigating the complexities of relationships, and seeking a bond that is unwavering and eternally captivating can be an arduous journey.
A little about my quest to find lasting love
When I was 20, I met my now ex-husband.
I’m now 45 and have been divorced for one year.
We were together for a total of 24 years before divorcing.
We were best friends, but we didn’t find lasting love.
The problem was that we lived conditional lives and held each other responsible for our own happiness.
He lived to make me happy and lost himself.
I saw his love for me as a validation of my self-worth.
It was a codependent mess.
We got along great and laughed a lot.
Lack of physical chemistry was not a problem.
People were shocked that we were having problems.
It took us almost five years to divorce, not because we had major assets to divide and crazy lawyers wanting a chunk of the fortune.
We simply could not sever the bond.
We were attached to one another and couldn’t let go.
Standing where I am now, a year after my divorce, with time to process and heal, I know growing apart was inevitable.
Humans cannot ignore their true inner being
They cannot live to please their partner.
People can’t look outside themselves to justify their worthiness.
His inner being screamed, “Dude, love yourself first. If you don’t, you’re not good for anyone!”
My inner being screamed, “Stop looking for others to love you more than you should love you.”
This relationship was 24 years of my life, half my life!
It had a profound impact on me.
I decided to make my mess my message to heal, evolve, and grow.
Today, I share my wisdom and lessons learned to help others.
Find lasting love with the help of a relationship coach
I call myself a Love Strategist (a fancy marketing spun title for a Relationship/Dating Coach).
In 2015, I founded LoveQuest Marketing, offering workshops in Miami, Florida, and remotely via Skype.
My mission is to help people find, give and keep love starting with the love of self.
I work with single people trying to navigate the dating scene.
Couples trying to stay connected and accomplish goals also work with me.
Wanting to find, give, and keep love is the core of us as humans.
The key, however, is to truly commit to loving oneself unconditionally.
Understand that you will never leave you.
You could never be abandoned or without love.
Connect with the deepest divine “Source” within you and commit to making your own happiness your responsibility.
Do this and watch how your life transforms.
When I started to focus on how I feel and what I want, as opposed to what I don’t, things shifted in my life.
I stopped blaming myself for past mistakes and embraced the lessons learned.
The real magic happens once there’s a true commitment to unconditional self-love.
You come to a place of peace and acceptance.
You start to forgive yourself and treat yourself with kindness and love truly.
Then boom! You attract love again
Instead of replaying a 24-year relationship in my mind, I now find myself thinking about the wife I was, who I am now, and who I want to be.
I created this list of things to do for lasting love.
I wish I had a list like this in 1998 when I was 27 promising another human that I would be with them until death.
Any couple, regardless of how long they have been together, should do these things to ensure their relationship continues to go evolve and grow.
Maya Angelou said, “When you know better, you do better.”
It’s one of the most loving and kind things you can tell yourself and others.
I look forward to my future and am thankful for the lessons that led to this list.
Tips for Lasting Love to Do Alone
- Love yourself first and foremost. Don’t expect anyone else to behave in a certain way to “make you happy.” That’s conditional love, and it’s a trap. Love is freedom, never bondage.
- Forgive swiftly and lovingly.
- Seek to be happy, not right.
- Practice spirituality and connect to your inner self as frequently as possible.
- Have hobbies and things you like to do alone. Do you like to hike? Go hike!! They like to hunt for antiques. Wish them “happy hunting.” Inspire creativity by encouraging your partner to explore his or her own passions and interests.
- When you mess up, fess up. Apologize and make good. Don’t justify your actions. Just apologize.
Tips for Lasting Love to Do as a Couple
- Have common interests and find new ones. Make a list of things you want to experience together. Then commit to doing those things.
- Travel! Even if it’s a road trip. New surroundings and getting away from routines is a healthy way to bond.
- Really explore parenthood before getting pregnant to see if it’s a lifestyle you want as opposed to one that society pressures you to have. Not every couple wants kids, and that’s okay.
- Meditate either together or alone. Silence your mind. Meditation could come from cycling, running, or hiking.
- Read books and discuss them together. Always learn.
- Go for 30-minute walks after dinner. You’ll bond and will lose weight.
- Commit to open, honest, loving communication.
- Never stop working on yourself. Attend seminars, workshops, read books, and watch lectures on YouTube.
- Set goals together and be a team toward accomplishing them.
- Make kids a part of your life, not your whole life.
- Dance! Sing! Laugh! Be silly and be friends.
- Always say goodnight. Something so simple but really important.
- Embrace traditions but reject routines. Eating pizza every year on the date of your first date is cute. Celebrating the day you shared your first kiss is sweet. Cherish this! Watching the same shows, going to the same places, making every Saturday errand day, and every Sunday laundry day dulls your life.
- Kiss, hug, and hold hands whenever and wherever you want. Initiate affection and never reject it… ever. That shows lasting love.
Let us know your thoughts in the comment section below.
If you found this article helpful, please click the share button.