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Erma Bombeck Quotes About Life, Marriage and God

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If you’re in search of something to lift you up while making you smile, these Erma Bombeck quotes are perfect for you.

The late humorist was known as “the woman who made the world laugh” and it’s easy to see why after reading these Erma Bombeck quotes we have for you.

Don’t forget to also read these beautiful Mary Oliver quotes to live by.

If you love this quote collection, read out our most popular quote article about short inspirational quotes for daily motivation. 

If you need more inspirational quotes, check out our motivational quotes category page.

Inspirational Erma Bombeck Quotes

1. “I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quotes about food

2. “Housework can kill you if done right.” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quotes about housework

3. “He who laughs … Lasts.” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quotes about laughter

4. “Never have more children than you have car windows.” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quotes about children

5. “Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quotes about dreams

6. “I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quotes about family

7. “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” – Erma Bombeck

funny Erma Bombeck Quotes

8. “Never accept a drink from a urologist.” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quotes that will make you laugh

9. “Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It’s literary suicide.” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quotes about humorists

10. “It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quotes about courage

Erma Bombeck quotes about life

11. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” – Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck quotes about it doesn't matter if you answer yes or no

12. “My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck quotes from Erma Bombeck

13. “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck quotes about that I would not have a single bit of talent left

14. “Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck quotes that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone

15. “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck quotes about remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart

16. “There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck quotes about there is a thin line that separates laughter and pain

17. “There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck quotes about this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child

18. “Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what.” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck quotes about don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what

Erma Bombeck quotes about love

19. “Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck quotes about it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere

20. “The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck quotes about the odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread

21. “When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck quotes about a child is locked in the bathroom with water running

22. “Men who have a thirty-six-televised-football-games-a-week-habit should be declared legally dead and their estates probated.” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck quotes about a thirty-six-televised-football-games-a-week-habit should be declared legally dead

Also, read these David Bowie quotes that will inspire you to live a life that is anything but boring.

Erma Bombeck quotes about fear

23. “All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.” – Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck quotes about taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them

24. “You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren’t dying. They’re merging into big conglomerates.” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck quotes about they're merging into big conglomerates

25. “Raising a family wasn’t something I put on my resumé, but I have to ask myself, would I apply for the same job again?” – Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck quotes about I apply for the same job again

Erma Bombeck Quotes To Give Your Courage

26. “Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.” — Erma Bombeck

27. “My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.” — Erma Bombeck

28. “Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.” — Erma Bombeck

29. “It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.” — Erma Bombeck

30. “Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.” — Erma Bombeck

31. “Success is outliving your failures.” — Erma Bombeck

32. “It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.” — Erma Bombeck

33. “When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.” — Erma Bombeck

34. “Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.” — Erma Bombeck

35. “Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.” — Erma Bombeck

Which  Erma Bombeck quotes were your favorite?

Norbert Juma, Lead Editor
3 Comments
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3 Comments
  1. Daniel A Hennessy

    January 16, 2022 at 11:27 PM

    I learned to love and apprediate Erma Bombeck through my mother, Marge’s, love and appreciation of her. She ran at Erma Bombeck speed in life and shared her favorite things from her columns all the time. I love Erma Bombeck because I love her writing, but also because she reminds me of my mother who I miss every day of my life. Thanks, Erma and thanks for publishing her thoughts…

  2. Nancy

    July 10, 2019 at 6:22 PM

    My favorite is “It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.” Today is 7/10/2019. I remember Erma Bombeck from my childhood as a humorous, witty and powerful columnist and author. I miss her genuineness and the simple power of her words. They make you think. There has never been another like her. It’s hard to believe she’s gone almost 25 years. The role is vacant. Will someone pick up the mantle?

    • Govinda Rossa

      September 3, 2019 at 10:16 AM

      I agree. I grew up, a Gen-Xer, reading her stuff. She was so witty, and she could find humor in any situation. All of the women in my family are like that. It’s a coping mechanism and a gift. She was wittily gifted!

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