25 Schmidt Quotes From One of the Stars of the TV Series New Girl

You will love these Schmidt quotes because they give insight into one of the main characters from the hit television series New Girl.

Schmidt’s full name is Winston Saint-Marie Schmidt, but most of the time, he is just referred to by his last name.

Schmidt was the main character for the entirety of the series, which ran for seven seasons from 2011 – 2018.

Max Greenfield portrays the fictional character Schmidt throughout the series.

Schmidt is proud of his Jewish heritage, is a clean and neat freak, and is very concerned about how he looks, apparently because he was very overweight when he was younger.

He is from Long Island, New York, and worked as the head of marketing at Associated Strategies for the first six seasons before becoming a stay-at-home dad.

Enjoy learning more about this character through these Schmidt quotes.

You will also enjoy our article on Stuart Smalley quotes.

Funny Schmidt quotes

Enjoy some of these funny quotes from Schmidt.

1. “Beans are nothing but soggy nuts!” — Schmidt

2. “Are you the criminals? From the statistics?” — Schmidt

3. “It’s like you’re ripping the side block out of my mental Jenga! I’m totally falling apart!” — Schmidt

4. “Are you cooking a frittata in a saucepan? What is this prison?” — Schmidt

5. “You’re listening to the radio and writing with a pen. What decade are we in?” — Schmidt

6. “She has a flip phone, Jess. She’s either poor or a time traveler.” — Schmidt

7. “Words that have never been used to describe Schmidt: spontaneous, flexible, easygoing. I’m like a Marine.” — Schmidt

8. “I had figure skating lessons until I was 13, and then my mom sobered up and realized I was a boy.” — Schmidt

9. “You were denied a cell phone because you have the credit score of a homeless ghost!” — Schmidt

10. “They don’t hate me because I’m old; they hate me because of my personality!” — Schmidt

More Schmidt quotes from the new girl

See if you remember these lines from the show.

11. “I can’t talk right now. I’m writing a strongly worded email to my florist.” — Schmidt

12. “Befriending Kanye is the most efficient way for me to jump social strata.” — Schmidt

13. “Bathtubs are medieval filth cauldrons.” — Schmidt

14. “My tires were stolen by STREET YOUTHS!” — Schmidt

15. “I don’t have sperms. I have tadpoles… of the gods.” — Schmidt

16. “Pine has no place in this loft. It’s the wood of poor people and outhouses.” — Schmidt

17. “Guess whose personalized condoms just arrived!” — Schmidt

Conceited and superior Schmidt quotes

Schmidt feels he is the “top dog” of the apartment, as you can see in these quotes.

18. “Can we just take a moment to celebrate me?” — Schmidt

19. “I’m not being overdramatic when I say I would rather sit naked on a hot grill than wear something off the rack.” — Schmidt

20. “Nick is delicate. Like a flower. Like a chubby, damaged flower who hates himself.” — Schmidt

21. “Where do you even buy sheets like this? They have the thread count of a paper towel.” — Schmidt

22. “Can somebody get my towel? It’s in my bedroom next to my Irish Walking cape.” — Schmidt

23. “I am having a major life crisis, and you guys are, what, just driving around, French kissing each other like a couple of Dutch hookers?” — Schmidt

24. “I can do anything I put my mind to. I once figured out Alyssa Milano’s phone number just by randomly choosing numbers.” — Schmidt

25. “I’m gonna have to run all the way home, and I have my slipperiest loafers on.” — Schmidt

Does Schmidt Have a Wife?

When the series starts, Schmidt lives in a loft with two other single guys and a single girl named Jess.

We see from the show’s beginning that he has a crush on Cece, and although it doesn’t look like she feels the same way, they overcome the odds and get married in season five.

Please share these Schmidt quotes with your friends and post any comments about the character in the comment section below.