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Hilarious W.C. Fields Quotes On Laughing At Life

These W.C. Fields quotes from the cantankerous comedian are sure to make you laugh.

W.C. Fields was born as William Claude Dunkenfield in January of 1880.

He left home at 18 to become a juggler in Vaudville.

Within the next three years, he would rise up to be a headline star on the stage.

After Vaudville, Fields found success on Broadway and from there made his way to the silver screen.

Fields starred in over a dozen films before he really started to make a name for himself in Hollywood.

In the early 1930s, he signed a deal for four comedy shorts and introduced the world to his comedic persona: a pessimistic, antisocial man with a liking for alcohol.

We hope you enjoy this collection of W.C. Fields quotes.

Don’t forget to also check out these hilarious Larry David quotes from the writer of Seinfeld.

If you like this article, we suggest you explore our most popular quotes article, a list of short inspirational quotes for daily encouragement. 

Read more related content on our inspirational quotes category page.

Funny W.C. Fields quotes

1. “Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.” — W.C. Fields

Funny W.C. Fields quotes

2. “Start off every day with a simple smile and get it over with.” — W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields quotes about smile

3. “All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.” — W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields quotes for family

4. “The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.” — W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields quotes on clever cat

5. “Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.” — W.C. Fields

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W.C. Fields quotes in don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

6. “Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.” — W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields quotes of house

7. “Here lies W.C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.” — W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields quotes in Philadelphia

8. “Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.” — W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields quotes about never cry over spilt milk

9. “Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.” — W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields quotes on horse

10. “Cross my heart and hope to eat my weight in goslings.” — W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields quotes of cross my heart and hope to eat my weight in goslings

Funny W.C. Fields quotes on people

11. “I never met a kid I liked.” — W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields quotes on people

12. “I like children – fried.” — W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields quotes on children

13. “A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.” — W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields quotes that money

14. “Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.” — W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields quotes of hates children and animals can't be all bad

15. “I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.” — W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields quotes in prejudices

16. “Women are like elephants. I like to look at ’em, but I wouldn’t want to own one.” — W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields quotes on women are like elephants

17. “The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.” — W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields quotes of popcorn

18. “Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.” — W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields quotes about life

19. “Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.” — W.C. FIelds

W.C. Fields quotes that marry an outdoors woman

20. “Children should neither be seen nor heard from — ever again.” — W.C. Fields

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W.C. Fields quotes on children should neither be seen nor heard from

21. “Well, her face was so wrinkled it looked like seven miles of bad road. She had so many gold teeth . . . she used to have to sleep with her head in a safe.” — W.C. Fields

Wise W.C. Fields quotes

22. “No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.” — W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields quotes about degree

Funny W.C. Fields quotes about his love for the drink

23. “I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.” — W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields quotes about his love for the drink

24. “I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.” — W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields quotes for drink

25. “I must have a drink of breakfast.” — W.C. Fields

W.C. Fields quotes on breakfast

Did these W.C. Fields make you laugh?

No matter what kind of day you’re having, you’re probably having a better day than W.C.

Fields’ comedic persona.

Portrayed as a continuously grumpy and pessimistic person, it’s natural for people to relate while watching the grouchy grump complain on stage or screen.

W.C. Fields had a successful comedic career and is considered by many to be one of America’s greatest comics.

Fields had a presence on screen that has since become legendary.

He wrote most of his own scripts, and though he worked with directors, Fields’ films were known to be his creation.

Did you enjoy these W.C. Fields quotes and lines?

Let us know in the comments below.

Sckylar Gibby-Brown
2 Comments
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2 Comments
  1. W. C. Fields

    June 26, 2022 at 6:48 AM

    I am w.c. fields, go figure.

  2. Arnie Goldstein

    April 22, 2022 at 8:35 AM

    There was one about W. C. That I didn’t see here. While living at the Actor’s facility in the San Fernando Valley
    A friend came to visit him. He was sitting in a wheel chair with a blanket covering his legs. He had the Bible on hi lap and he was thumbing through the pages. His friend said “WC, you have never been a religious man, what are you looking for?” WC responded, “Loopholes my boy, loopholes” !

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