215 Witty Quotes That Will Strike Your Funny Bone
These witty quotes will give you a motivational push and a bit of humor.
Tell us which witty quote is your favorite in the comment section below.
Having wit means you are intelligent but in a funny way!
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Researchers at the University of Western Ontario found that people who could produce creative and witty responses also tended to have higher IQ scores.
The findings highlight the strong correlation between intelligence and the ability to generate clever and imaginative witty quotes.
What Are The Benefits Of Reading These Witty Quotes?
Developing witty characteristics certainly has its benefits:
- People like witty people more
- Wit makes you seem both smart and relatable
- Witty people are quick thinkers and can navigate many situations
Witty people put others at ease.
Therefore, people gravitate towards witty people and look at those with wit as leaders in their environment.
There are many traits that a leader should have.
While inspirational, motivational, and charismatic are all traits that come to mind first, another important characteristic is the ability to be funny.
Leaders often need to lead others in stressful or unfavorable situations, and sometimes they have to deliver bad news.
A leader who cannot see the humor in life may appear harsh and may demotivate their team, whereas a leader who is witty may feel more trustworthy and, therefore, more capable.
See if these witty quotes strike your funny bone.
Also, check out our list of John Mulaney quotes that will remind you laughter is the best medicine.
If you like this article, we suggest you explore our most popular quotes article, a list of short inspirational quotes for daily encouragement.
Read more related content on our inspirational quotes category page.
Wise And Witty Quotes
A study by the University of California, Berkeley, discovered that participants rated as funnier also performed better on verbal intelligence tests.
This suggests that individuals with an aptitude for using witty quotes and humor may have a more advanced ability to manipulate language and express complex ideas.
1. “Arguing with a fool proves there are two.” – Doris M. Smith
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2. “A person with a sharp tongue will eventually cut themselves.” – J. Robson Koenig
3. “A witty saying proves nothing.” – Voltaire
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4. “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” – Mark Twain
5. “Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely.” – Erma Bombeck
6. “A true friend overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!” – Doug Larson
7. “Courtship is to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.” – William Congreve
8. “Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece.” – Ralph Charell
9. “The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool.” – Richard P. Feynman
10. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” – Wayne Dyer
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Funny Witty Quotes
People with a knack for quick and insightful connections between seemingly unrelated concepts often exhibit advanced cognitive abilities.
This is a hallmark of wit and suggests that highly intelligent individuals may be more adept at generating witty quotes to express clever insights.
11. “The important thing to remember is not to forget.” – Benny Bellamacina
12. “We tend to get what we expect.” – Norman Vincent Peale
13. “The world hates change yet it is the only thing that has brought progress.” – Charles F. Kettering
14. “Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.” – Confucius
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15. “Don’t worry about people stealing an idea. If it’s original, you will have to ram it down their throats.” – Howard Aiken
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16. “One man’s theology is another man’s belly laugh.” – Robert Heinlein
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17. “One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” – Rita Mae Brown
18. “The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.” – Robert Brault
19. “The problem with a life spent reading is you know too much.” – Josh Lanyon
20. “When I die cremate me so I can finally fit into something small.” – Xondra Day
Inspirational And Witty Quotes
21. “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” – Will Rogers
22. “If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” —Reese Witherspoon
23. “A person is wise if he listens to millions of advice and doesn’t implement any of it.” – Michael Bassey Johnson
24. “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” – Confucius
25. “Dreams don’t work unless you do.” – John C. Maxwell
26. “To improve is to change. To be perfect is to change often.” – Winston Churchill
27. “The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.” – Abraham Lincoln
28. “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” – Confucius
29. “A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being ‘frank.’” – Robert Heinlein
30. “A true friend is someone who is there for you when he’d rather be anywhere else.” – Len Wein
Witty Quotes About Friendships And Relationships
31. “By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” – Robert Frost
32. “Pretending to care what men think is an art. It takes moments to learn, but lifetimes to master. I’d like to believe I’m an expert.” – Dennis Sharpe
33. “So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I’m a great multitasker.” – Holly Hood
34. “The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it’s the same problem you had last year.” – John Foster Dulles
35. “The only way to have a friend is to be one.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
36. “Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.” —George Burns
37. “Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.” —Leslie Nielsen
38. “Friends are like melons; shall I tell you why? To find a good one, you must one hundred try.” – Claude Mermet
39. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” —Edgar Bergen
40. “It’s far better to be alone than in bad company.” – George Washington
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Motivational Witty Quotes
41. “An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
42. “Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” – William James
43. “Action will destroy your procrastination.” – Og Mandino
44. “Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
45. “Playing it safe is the riskiest choice we can ever make.” – Sarah Ban Breathnach
46. “The problem human beings face is not that we aim too high and fail, but that we aim too low and succeed.” – Michaelangelo (See more Michaelangelo quotes)
47. “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford
48. “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” —Mark Twain
49. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
50. “You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do.” – Henry Ford
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Other Witty Quotes And Sayings
51. “A technicality I’m prepared to hide wildly behind.” – Jim Butcher
52. “I respect only those who resist me, but cannot tolerate them.” – Charles de Gaulle
53. “It is safer to beg than to take, but it is finer to take than to beg.” – Oscar Wilde
54. “Experience was something it was difficult to avoid, though many people had managed to keep it to a minimum.” – Philip José Farmer
55. “My mistakes are usually so enjoyable that I tend to repeat them.” – Lisa Kleypas
Witty Quotes About Humor, Fools, And Other Situations
56. “Wit is the lowest form of humor.” — Alexander Pope
57. “Arguing with a fool proves there are two.” — Doris M. Smith
58. “Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.” — William Shakespeare
59. “Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth.” — Stan Laurel
60. “Leave something for someone but don’t leave someone for something.” — Enid Blyton
61. “Every habit makes our hand more witty, and our wit more handy.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
62. “Witty inspirations are the proverbs of the educated.” — Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel
63. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” — Margaret Mead
64. “Fools learn from experience. Wise men learn from the experience of others.” — Otto von Bismark
65. “I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.” — Robert Benchley
Witty Quotes About Wit
66. “Your wit makes others witty.” — Catherine the Great
67. “Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.” — Francis Bacon
68. “A witty woman is a treasure; a witty beauty is a power.” — George Meredith
69. “You can pretend to be serious; but you can’t pretend to be witty.” — Sacha Guitry
70. “A woman can be sexy, charming, witty or shy with her shoes.” — Christian Louboutin
71. “Courtship is to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.” — William Congreve
72. “A large nose is the mark of a witty, courteous, affable, generous and liberal man.” — Cyrano de Bergerac
73. “Though lust do masque in ne’er so strange disguise she’s oft found witty, but is never wise.” — John Webster
74. “Generally speaking, there is more wit than talent in the world. Society swarms with witty people who lack talent.” — Antoine Rivarol
75. “Such is the nature of men, that howsoever they may acknowledge many others to be more witty, or more eloquent, or more learned; yet they will hardly believe there be many so wise as themselves.” — Thomas Hobbes
Witty Quotes Applicable To Life
76. “Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs.” – Oliver Goldsmith
77. “You noticed that I wore this outfit twice? Why, the only thing you wear twice is a sour expression.” – L.M. Montgomery
78. “Retirement must be wonderful. I mean, you can suck in your stomach for only so long.” – Burt Reynolds
79. “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde
80. “An intellectual solves a problem. A genius avoids it.” – Albert Einstein
81. “A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice.” – Bill Cosby
82. “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx
83. “Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.” – Salvador Dali
84. “Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it’s always, who’s responsible for this?” – Jerry Seinfeld
85. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.“ – Flip Wilson
Witty Quotes And Sayings That You Can Relate To
86. “The literal meaning of life is whatever you’re doing that prevents you from killing yourself.”
― Albert Camus
87. “Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don’t laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.” ― Criss Jami
88. “This is the fast lane, folks…and some of us like it here.” ― Hunter S. Thompson
89. “If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.” ― Amit Kalantri
90. “Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other.” ― Honore de Balzac
91. “Nothing uses up alcohol faster than political argument.” ― Robert A. Heinlein
92. “I’m an angel. The horns are only there to hold up the halo.” ― Suzanne Wright
93. “Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.” ― Bertrand Russell
94. “The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.” ― Bertrand Russell
95. “The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.” ― Dorothy Parker
Short Witty Quotes
96. “A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.” – Phyllis Diller
97. “We don’t grow old. When we cease to grow, we become old.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
98. “Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers
99. “Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things.” – Bernard Sahlins
100. “You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.” – Solomon Schechter
101. “A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright.” – Lucille Ball
102. “It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen.” – Brigitte Bardot
103. “Some people die at twenty-five and aren’t buried until they are seventy-five.” – Benjamin Franklin
104. “The truth can be funny but it’s not funny to cover up the truth.” – Ryan Cooper
105. “You can’t experience simple joys when you’re living life with your hair on fire.” – Emily Ley
Witty Quotes For Instagram
106. “I am only human, although I regret it.” – Mark Twain
107. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”—Michael Scott
108. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb
109. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”—Les Dawson
110. “Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers
111. “I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.” – Steven Wright
112. “Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.” – Gilbert Gottfried
113. “A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” – William James
114. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin
115. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.”—Ellen DeGeneres
Short Witty Quotes That Will Put A Smile On Your Face
116. “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” ― Mark Twain
117. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” ― Dalai Lama
118. “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” ― Groucho Marx
119. “We are all born crazy. Some of us remain that way.” ― Samuel Beckett
120. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” ― Fred Allen
121. “Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.” ― Sam Levenson
122. “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” ― Ashleigh Brilliant
123. “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.” ― John Wayne
124. “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.” ― Bryan White
125. “The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” ― Steven Wright
Witty Quotes To Make You Think Sharply
126. “I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.” ― Mark Twain
127. “Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.” ― Abraham Kaplan
128. “A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.” ― Milton Berle
129. “If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” ― J. Paul Getty
130. “Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.” ― Erica Jong
131. “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.” ― Frank Sinatra
132. “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” ― Isaac Asimov
133. “Silence is argument carried out by other means.” ― Che Guevara
134. “I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me.” ― George Bernard Shaw
135. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” ― Steven Wright
Sarcastic Witty Quotes
136. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams
137. “If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.” – Lawrence Ferlinghetti
138. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright
139. “You can always tell when a man is well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
140. “Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.” – Cecilia Egan
141. “The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” –Lily Tomlin
142. “There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.” – Will Rogers
143. “Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.” – Cynthia Nelms
144. “Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.” – P. J. O’Rourke
145. “Zombies eat brains, you are safe.” — John Stewart
Witty Quotes To Encourage About Life
146. “Pride only helps us to be generous; it never makes us so, any more than vanity makes us witty.” — George Eliot
147. “A word of kindness is seldom spoken in vain, while witty sayings are as easily lost as the pearls slipping from a broken string.” — George Dennison Prentice
148. “One cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty.” — Jane Austen
149. “Wise are my ways witty my actions” ― N A Parnham
150. “Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food.” — William Hazlitt
151. “As empty vessels make the loudest sound, so they that have the least wit are the greatest blabbers.” — Plato
152. “If you have wit, use it to please and not to hurt: you may shine like the sun in the temperate zones without scorching.” — Lord Chesterfield
153. “Wit is the appearance, the external flash of imagination. Thus its divinity, and the witty character of mysticism.” — Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel
154. “Think of something clever, witty or profound, keep it short and people may quote you.” ― Bobby Darnell
155. “It was the day he learned that smart, witty girls were brighter than sunlight.” ― Olivia Fuller
Witty Quotes To Offer You A Motivational Push
156. “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” — Thomas A. Edison
157. “The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas.” — Linus Pauling
158. “I not only use all the brains I have, but all that I can borrow.”— Woodrow Wilson
159. “Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.” — Will Rogers
160. “Talkers are usually more articulate than doers, since talk is their specialty.” — Thomas Sowell
161. “Age is just a number. It’s irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.” — Joan Collins
162. “If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.” — Frank A. Clark
163. “You’re going to fall down, but the world doesn’t care how many times you fall down, as long as it’s one fewer than the numbers of times you get back up.” — Andy Sorkin
164. “You should praise, criticize and flirt with people right to their face, only then it will make a difference.” ― Amit Kalantri
165. “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.” — Steven Wright
Witty Quotes To Trigger Your Thoughts
166. “People who can’t be witty exert themselves to be devout and affectionate.” ― George Eliot
167. “Do you know why the number two hundred is so vitally descriptive to both you and me? It’s your weight and my I.Q.” ― Lex Luthor
168. “To be witty is not enough. One must possess sufficient wit to avoid having too much of it.” ― Andre Maurois
169. “That and the music was blaring. So loud that the radio station asked if they could keep it down as they cared about the safety of their listeners.” ― J.S. Mason
170. “Next to being witty, the best thing is being able to quote another’s wit.” ― Christian Nestell Bovee
171. “Being funny, it turns out, is like being a bank. It’s a confidence trick. As long as everyone believes in you, you are fine.” ― Evan Davis
172. “He wasn’t aware of it but when he smiled he looked like an amiable bear. When he didn’t smile he didn’t look amiable.” ― Emma Goldrick
173. “Many a witty inspiration is like the surprising reunion of befriended thoughts after a long separation.” ― Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel
174. “If time is money and you wasted my time, then give me back my money!” ― Ljupka Cvetanova
175. “If you were half as funny as you think you are, you’d be twice as funny as you really are.” ― H.N. Turteltaub
Witty Quotes To Add A Spark To Your Day
176. “No on said life was easy – there are always challenges, and hurdles along the way that must be overcome.” ― J.D.Rockefeller
177. “Happy are those who have given up worrying once and for all.” ― Ovid
178. “We need to accept that most things in life are beyond our control, but they are generally good.” ― D. S. Pandit
179. “The most wasted of all days is that in which we have not laughed.” ― Sebastien Chamfort
180. “Having children gives your life purpose. Right now my purpose is to get some sleep.” ― Reno Goodale
181. “In youth we want to change the world. In old age we want to change youth.” ― Garth Henrichs
182. “Life teaches you many lessons, many good, some bad. Just learn from the good and forget the bad.” ― J.D.Rockefeller
183. “The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.” ― Michelangelo
184. “The most important things in life that are free are common sense, knowledge, and opportunities. If you acquire one of the three, the others will fall with in your grasp.” ― Jean Watson
185. “Children are a great comfort in your old age-and they help you reach it faster too.” ― Richard Kauffmann
Witty Quotes That Creates Humuor
186. “If I had a dollar for every time someone called me crazy, I’d build a mental asylum and check them into it one by one.” ― Omar Cherif
187. “Mine is the hand-me-down duffle coat of Wit.” ― Robert Wringham
188. “was glad to be off the hook, which had been the second time that week as she had recently broke an addiction from fishing on the nearby bay” ― J.S. Mason
189. “He also would be traveling soon as he heard that the best deals on baby furniture were in The Cribbean.” ― J.S. Mason
190. “had his fingerprints taken and coffeemug shot taken from all four angles of him sipping a cup of coffee” ― J.S. Mason
191. “I can remember the days, said the Gin-and-Ginger-Ale, when every other girl you met stood about six feet two in her dancing-shoes, and had as many curves as a Scenic Railway.” ― P. G. Wodehouse
192. “I will never tire of saying bludgeoned. I bet you used to say that a lot in the police, you lucky thing.” ― Richard Osman
193. “Must read…five amazing stories based on five very different women in five very different situations….a read you won’t forget in a hurry” ― Darren Moore
194. “Horrifying deeds awaits the dim-witted horse with no legs.” ― Florin-Marian Hera
195. “her hips were having an argument with the upper half of her body as to who was to get more eye contact” ― J.S. Mason
Witty Quotes To Teach You Life Experiences
196. “which is why mimes are rarely invited to birthday parties, as the gifts they gave were usually invisible boxes.” ― J.S. Mason
197. “The Goblin was too well bred to wink; besides, being a stone goblin, it was out of the question.” ― Saki
198. “Don’t judge a book by its cover because the criminal justice system is already overcrowded as it is.” ― J.S. Mason
199. “a day which had a summer face and a winter constitution” ― Thomas Hardy
200. “Live the journey, learn the lessons, regret not.” ― Shelley Brown
201. “Faith can move mountains; true: mountains of stupidity.” ― André Gide
202. “Friendship equals no appointment required.” ― Shelley Brown
203. “even when written in a solid white line consideration is still a two-way street.” ― J.S. Mason
204. “Screw the social ladder. Choose to levitate.” ― Omar Cherif
205. “The voice was unexpectedly attractive…common in descriptions, rare in experince.” ― Thomas Hardy
Witty Quotes On Life
206. “What I stand for is what I stand on.” ― Wendell Berry
207. “It’s better to be contemptuous than to be contemptible!” ― Lucy Carter
208. “One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke.” ― Mark Twain
209. “He’s short, but his cheekbones are so high he can barely reach them.” ― J.S. Mason
210. “Civilization begins with distillation.” ― William Faulkner
211. “I’m not good at writing letters, even though I just wrote eighty-two of them in this one sentence alone.” ― Karl Kristian Flores
212. “Never stop acquiring the common sense, it is as good as the knowledge.” ― Amit Kalantri
213. “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” ― Mae West
214. “Always schedule your comeback.” ― Brooke Bida
215. “I love mankind… it’s people I can’t stand!!” ― Charles M. Schulz
Which Witty Quote Was Your Favorite?
There are many benefits to fine-tuning your witty talent.
Beyond making you likable and trustworthy, wittiness strengthens your intelligence and helps you be more creative.
Being put on the spot to come up with witty banter will make your brain work harder and therefore make you more capable during stressful moments.
Hopefully, these witty quotes help spark the wit in you.
Come back to these quotes whenever you’re looking for a motivational push and a bit of humor.
Did you enjoy these witty quotes and sayings?
If so, you will also enjoy these Puns Quotes and witty Quips and Quotes!
Do you have a witty quote you would like to share?
Let us know in the comment section below.
Michael North
October 24, 2022 at 4:05 PM
“On the super highway of life. I am parked in a lay-by with my engine running”
Rita Vouge
May 1, 2022 at 6:01 AM
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago