50 Bald Quotes To Soothe Your Hairless Woes

Feel your self-esteem swell with our bald quotes! 

Baldness has been a part of the story of humanity since our beginning. 

Science has still not determined why we go bald.

We know the sources of how it happens, but we have yet to discover why baldness has been a part of our evolution for so long. 

Check out our bald quotes below to learn more. 

What is baldness?

Baldness is the loss of hair. 

There are a variety of forms of baldness that humans experience.

For men and women, baldness may occur for different reasons. 

Check out these facts about baldness below: 

• It is normal to lose fifty to one hundred hairs every day.
• People with healthy hair grow new hair daily to replace the ones they lose. 
• By age fifty, eighty-five percent of men will experience male pattern baldness. 

The causes of hair loss depend on several factors, including genetics, illness, and medications. 

Factors such as stress, chemicals, smoking, or even consuming alcohol may trigger hair loss. 

Even certain hair types, such as braids or tight ponytails, can stress the follicle and cause hair loss. 

How have different cultures dealt with baldness in history? 

Ancient Kemet, or Egypt, is recognized by many as one of the greatest civilizations in history. 

People in Egypt were searching for hair loss cures four thousand years ago. 

In 1500 B.C., they recited magic spells before the sun god and swallowed a tincture of onions, iron, red lead, honey, and alabaster to cure baldness. 

The mixture was unsuccessful. 

Later, they would rub the fat from lions, hippos, crocodiles, cats, snakes, porcupines, and geese on their scalps as a remedy that did not work either. 

They even went as far as sauteeing greyhounds with donkey hoofs to stop hair loss. 

When these natural remedies failed, they resorted to wigs and fake beards. 

How did people deal with hair loss in Greece?

The Egyptians were not the only people concerned with vanity. 

In 460 B.C., Hippocrates rubbed a potion on his scalp of cumin, opium, beets, pigeon feces, and horseradish on his head. 

When his experiment did not work, he began studying other options. 

He found that eunuchs did not suffer from baldness, and he devised a radical surgical treatment for baldness. 

His treatment did not gain popularity as most men did not opt for castration to avoid baldness. 

In 1995, researchers at Duke University confirmed that castration did prevent hair loss. 

To learn more, check out our baldness quotes below. 

Short Bald Quotes

For some people, baldness is a part of life; these quotes remind us that losing hair is part of the human journey. 

1. “Bald is the new black!” — Gail Porter

2. “We’re all born bald, baby.” — Telly Savalas

3. “You ugly, bald baby, I hate you.” — K.L. Morgan, Pioneer Ghost

4. “Women love a self-confident bald man.” — Larry David

5. “I’m not bald. I’m just taller than my hair.” — Clive Anderson

6. “There’s one thing about baldness, it’s neat.” — Don Herold

7. “I thought the Egyptians had cured baldness.” — Greg Proops

8. “I cannot believe how fine I am with being bald.” — Robin Roberts

9. “The bald look intimidates people. Short and nasty.” — Reggie Miller

10. “I collect hats. That’s what you do when you’re bald.” — James Taylor

Top Bald Quotes About Staying Sexy

Who says a bald head cannot be sexy?

11. “The worst thing baldness causes is loneliness.” — Gail Porter

12. “A hair in the head is worth two in the brush.” — William Hazlitt

13. “A bald man driving a hybrid is a very sexy thing.” — Laurie David

14. “I’m going bald. I’m having a major problem with it.” — Gedde Watanabe

15. “If I had it my way, I’d go bald and shave off my stubble.” — Kunal Kapoor

16. “I’m not built to have a bald head. I’ve got a huge sniffer.” — Pat McAfee

17. “I don’t want to go bald. I don’t know what’s coming up next.” — Chris Cooper

18. “This movie is a toupee made up to look like honest baldness.” — Pauline Kael

19. “Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.” — Navjot Singh Sidhu

20. “That’s the problem with having a bald head. It exaggerates the shape.” — Karl Pilkington

The best bald quotes for people who love the transformation

Losing one’s hair can be part of a powerful transformation in life. 

21. “See, I was fine being bald because I have a good-shaped head.” — Brian Urlacher

22. “You don’t find me too bald, do you? Old, and bald, and with a belly?” — Julio Iglesias

23. “Going bald is a mohawk-having man’s worst nightmare.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

24. “The Falklands thing was a fight between two bald men over a comb.” — Jorge Luis Borges

25. “Here we have a baby. It is composed of a bald head and a pair of lungs.” — Eugene Field

26. “Bald as the bare mountain tops are bald, with a baldness full of grandeur.” — Matthew Arnold

27. “I love bald men. Just because you’ve lost your fuzz don’t mean you ain’t a peach.” — Dolly Parton

28. “Even baldness becomes a beauty of a hairless head through the heart of acceptance” — Munia Khan

29. “Don’t tear your hair out over a woman; it’ll be harder to attract the next one if you’re bald.” — Evan Esar

30. “According to the doctors, I’m only suffering from a light form of premature baldness.” — Federico Fellini

Bald Quotes About Loving Bald Heads

Some people are fans of the aesthetic of staying bold and going bald. 

31. “Anyone who looks good with a bald head is seriously sexy.” — Richelle E. Goodrich

32. “Have you noticed how most directors are either bald or grey-haired?” — Mackenzie Astin

33. “It was unusual to see a bald nine-year-old, so I would play football in hats.” — Jonjo Shelvey

34. “Bald as the bare mountain tops are bald, with a baldness full of grandeur.” — Matthew Arnold

35. “It amazes me. I’m just a fat, middle-aged, bald guy, but people still want to meet me.” — Rick Harrison

36. “The tenderest spot in a man’s make-up is sometimes the bald spot on top of his head.” — Helen Rowland

37. “A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald, but if he has fire, women will like him.” — Mae West

38. “The one who teaches new hairstyles to others is the one who is bald, the mission impossible” — J. Ruby

39. “It is foolish to tear one’s hair in grief, as though sorrow would be made less by baldness.” — Marcus Tullius Cicero

40. “The bad part about growing older is I’m going bald. The good part is my nose seems to be getting shorter.” — Pete Townshend

Bald Quotes About Loving How You Look

Change is a part of life; we should love our transition, with or without hair. 

41. “In ‘Delhi Belly,’ I was bald; in other movies, I always carried a different look.” — Vir Das

42. “I still never get recognized. Small, bald white guys like myself – we all kind of look the same.” — Moby

43. “There is more felicity on the far side of baldness than young men can possibly imagine.” — Logan Pearsall Smith

44. “I’m a bit biased with my love for Kyle Long. I would say he’s the best bald guard in football.” — Chris Long

45. “It is foolish to pluck out one’s hair for sorrow, as if grief could be assuaged by baldness.” — Marcus Tullius Cicero

46. “Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out.” — Johnny Vegas

47. “Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don’t recognize you.” — Bennett Cerf

48. “I was thinking, ‘If I go bald, I might do something like Bret Michaels and have it all attached to a handkerchief.” — Jennifer Coolidge

49. “Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.” — Larry David

50. “I think men are allowed to be fat and bald and ugly, and women aren’t. And it’s just not – there is no equality there.” — Connie Chung

How Influential People Deal With Baldness?

There have been many powerful and influential people who were bald. 

One of the most famous cases of a prominent figure who sought remedies for hair loss was Julius Ceasar. 

Julius Ceasar is one of the most well-known of all Rome’s leaders, yet he was constantly looking for ways to hide his thinning hair. 

Many people remember or recognize Julius Ceasar for his laurel wreath. 

Little do they know, the wreath was a part of Ceasar’s vanity cover-ups! 

He would wear the wreath to cover his thinning hair. 

Cleopatra famously recommended a mixture of mice teeth, horse teeth, and bear grease, but this did little to help Ceasar grow his hair back. 

If you think comb-overs are new, you may be surprised that they have existed for a long time. 

Caesar was one of the first famous figures to grow his hair long in the back and use it to comb over his bald spot. 

Do you have a favorite bald quote?

Please be sure to let us know in the comments below.