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Caddyshack Quotes From the Hilarious Sports Comedy

Laugh along with Ty, Al, and the gang through the Caddyshack quotes below. 

In 1980, Caddyshack brought gut-busting comedy to one of the most unlikely places: the golf course.

What’s your favorite scene from Caddyshack? 

Caddyshack follows a young caddie (Danny Noonan) as he works at a country club to earn enough money to go to college.

Released in 1980, the film’s ensemble cast includes Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, Bill Murray, and Cindy Morgan.

Although met with an underwhelming response at the film’s initial release, the movie has since gathered a cult following. Now, it’s often regarded as one of the funniest sports comedy movies of all time. 

Check out the film’s funniest moments through the quotes below!

Don’t forget to also check out these Happy Gilmore quotes from Happy, Shooter, and more.

Caddyshack quotes from Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) 

1. “No one likes a tattletale, Danny… except, of course, me.” – Ty Webb (Chevy Chase)

Caddyshack Quotes about tattletale

2. “We have a pool and a pond.  A pond would be good for you.” – Ty Webb (Chevy Chase)

Caddyshack Quotes and lines

3. “Thank you very little.” – Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) 

thankful Caddyshack Quotes

4. “You’re rather attractive, for a beautiful girl with a great body.” – Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) 

Caddyshack Quotes about beauty

5. “You take drugs, Danny?” – Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) 

Caddyshack Quotes and sayings

6. “Remember Danny – Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three rights make a left.” – Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) 

7. “The shortest distance between two points is a straight line in the complete and opposite direction.” – Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) 

8. “Don’t be obsessed with your desires Danny. The Zen philosopher, Basho, once wrote, ‘A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole is a Danish.’ He was a funny guy.” – Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) 

9. “I’m going to give you a little advice. There’s a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.” – Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) 

10. “Don’t sell yourself, short Judge, you’re a tremendous slouch.” – Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) 

11. “Danny, see your future. Be your future.” – Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) 

12. “Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball. You’re not being the ball, Danny.” – Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) 

Caddyshack quotes from Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield) 

13. “Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh?” – Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield) 

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14. “He called me a baboon, he thinks I’m his wife.” – Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield) 

15. “Hey, that kangaroo just took my ball.” – Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield) 

16. “Let’s go, while we’re young!” – Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield) 

17. “Hey everybody, we’re all gonna get laid!” – Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield) 

18. “With the market these days if you own anything but land you own a popcorn farm.” – Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield) 

19. “Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low-grade dog food. I’ve had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.” – Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield) 

20. “Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity.” – Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield) 

21. “A member? You think I actually want to join this scumatorium? The only reason I’m here is because I might buy it!” – Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield) 

22. “Country clubs and cemeteries are the biggest wasters of prime real estate!” – Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield) 

23. “Whoa, did somebody step on a duck?” – Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield) 

24. “Hey, Smails! My dinghy’s bigger than your whole boat!” – Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield) 

25. “The last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.” – Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield) 

26. “Are you kiddin’? When I was your age, I would lug fifty pounds of ice up five, six flights of stairs!” – Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield) 

Don’t forget to also check out these Letterkenny quotes that will make you want to pack up and move to Canada.

Caddyshack quotes from Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) 

27. “In the immortal words of Jean-Paul Sartre, ‘Au revoir, gopher’.” – Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) 

28. “Bark like a dog.” – Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) 

29. “And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.” – Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) 

30. “I have to laugh, because I’ve outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I’ve gotta get inside this guy’s pelt and crawl around for a few days.” – Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) 

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31. “Freeze gopher!” – Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) 

32. “This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.” – Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) 

33. “Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac… It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole!” – Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) 

34. “I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. But I have a beard, so I got that going for me, which is nice.” – Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) 

35. “I have to laugh.” – Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) 

36. “Well, I got a lot of stuff on order. You know… credit trouble.” – Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) 

37. “Licensed to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. A man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint.” – Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) 

38. “It’s not my fault nobody can understand what you’re saying.” – Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) 

If you’re enjoying this article, make sure to also check out these Pennywise quotes from the scariest clown of all.

Caddyshack quotes from others

39. “You’ll get nothing, and like it!” – Judge Smails (Ted Knight)

40. “Rat farts!” – Bishop (Henry Wilcoxon)

41. “Don’t you people have homes?” – Judge Smails (Ted Knight)

42. “Elihu, will you come loofah my stretch marks?” – Mrs. Smails (Lois Kibbee)

43. “It’s easy to grin when your ship comes in and you’ve got the stock market beat.  But the man worthwhile is the man who can smile, when his shorts are too tight in the seat.” – Judge Smails (Ted Knight)

44. “Forget the massage. Okay? And just kiss me, you fool.” – Lacey Underall (Cindy Morgan) 

45. “How would you like to come over and mow my lawn?” – Judge Smails (Ted Knight)

46. “Go shave your ass!” – Joey D’Annunzio (Minerva Scelza) 

47. “Well. We’re waiting.” – Judge Smails (Ted Knight)

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48. “You know, I’ve often thought of becoming a golf club.” – Motormouth (Hamilton Mitchell) 

49. “Bless this ship and all who sail on her. I christen thee The Flying WASP.” – Mrs. Smails (Lois Kibbee)

50. “Would you like to tie me up with some of your ties, Ty?” – Lacey Underall (Cindy Morgan) 

Memorable Caddyshack quotes

51. “This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You’re probably high already and you don’t even know it.” – Spalding Smails

52. “Correct me if I’m wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they’ll lock me up and throw away the key.” – Carl Spackler

53. “I haven’t even told my father I’m not gonna get that scholarship. I’m gonna end up working in a lumberyard for the rest of my life.” – Danny Noonan

54. “Oh Mrs. Crane, you’re a little monkey woman. Yeah, you’re lean, mean, and I bet you’re not too far in between are ya. How’d you like to wrap your spikes around my…” – Carl Spackler

55. “You don’t have to go to college. This isn’t Russia. Is this Russia? This isn’t Russia.” – Ty Webb

56. “I’ve sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn’t want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.” – Judge Smails

57. “I guess you’ll just have to keep beating yourself.” – Ty Webb

58. “I don’t play golf, for money, against people.” – Ty Webb

59. “What are you, religious or something?” – Al Czervik

60. “I demand satisfaction.” – Judge Smails

You might also like these memorable Wednesday Addams quotes and snarky one-liners.

How do you find humor in everyday life? 

When you think of golf, comedy isn’t the first thing that comes to mind. Caddyshack lightened the tension of golf in a way that had rarely been done before.

Without Caddyshack leading the way, sports comedy movies such as Happy GilmoreDodgeball: A True Underdog Story, and Major League, may never have come to fruition. 

One of my favorite things about comedy movies is that they are always pointing to the bright side of a situation.

After the credits roll, I’m usually in a happier, more optimistic mood than what I started the film with. 

Which of these Caddyshack quotes and lines is your favorite? What film should we feature next? Let us know below!

Nia Simone McLeod
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