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Moira Rose Quotes From the Matriarch of Schitt’s Creek

Moira Rose is the off-kilter mom of Schitt’s Creek’s Rose family. To see some of her funniest moments throughout the series, read the Moira Rose quotes below. 

What’s your favorite scene featuring Moira Rose? 

Schitt’s Creek’s Moira Rose is an ex-soap star who’s well-known for her role as Vivian Blake on Sunrise Bay. She’s married to ex-video store CEO Johnny Rose and has two children with him, David and Alexis.

Moira Rose is portrayed by actress Catherine O’Hara. O’Hara has received multiple awards for her portrayal of Moira Rose. They include an ACTRA Award for Best Performance – Female and a Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series. 

Get in a good laugh by checking out the hilarious quotes below! 

Don’t forget to also check out these hilarious Schitt’s Creek quotes from the Emmy-Winning comedy.

Hilarious Moira Rose quotes

1. “As much as I would love to contribute to the population growth of this town by way of teen pregnancies I must decline.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

2. “I didn’t like the matchy-matchy skirt and blazer. No, she looked like an aging stewardess from a Latvian airline.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

3. “What you did was impulsive, capricious and melodramatic, but it was also wrong.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

4. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but is this car your home?” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

5. “John, how was I to know you were in peril? You keep everything inside, like a bashful clam!” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

6. “Fear not, she hath risen!” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

7. “Children, keep an eye on these bags. Apparently, in hell, there’s no bellman!”  – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

8. “I won’t wear anything with an adhesive backing.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

9. “There’s nothing here but hot singles in my area.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

10. “Thank you for your pair of pennies.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

11. “This place is almost charming. Very rustic cottage… I was half expecting early Unabomber.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

12. “I can’t feel my tongue. But I know it’s there because I’m talking.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

13. “We’re all pitching in these days, dear. Like communists or non-union actors.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

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14. “Alexis, don’t be ridiculous. That’s exactly the kind of paranoia that makes me wary of spending time with you.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

15. “Sadly it’s not custom this time around, Alexis. Mommy had to shop off the rack. Fortunately, I discovered something called a promo code.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

16. “Who put a picture of a ghost on my desk?” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

17. “David, stop acting like a disgruntled pelican.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

If you’re enjoying these quotes, you’ll love our collection of Naruto quotes about life, success and relationships.

Relatable Moira Rose quotes 

18. “A heavy salad might as well be a casserole.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

19. “Gossip is the devil’s telephone. Best to just hang up!” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

20. “Let’s all pray we don’t wake up!” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

21. “Oh, I’d kill for a good coma right now.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

22. “I manned that front desk with the vigor of a wartime radio operator.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

23. “When one of us shines, all of us shine.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

24. “This wine is awful. Get me another glass.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

25. “The world is falling apart around us and I’m dying inside.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

26. “Oh good, now I see bubbles. David! What does burning smell like?” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

27. “Let’s go. I’ve had enough waking hours for one day.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

28. “Why should I be the only one encumbered with this emotional cargo?” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

29. “If that’s not a cause for alcohol, I don’t know what is!” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

30. “One must champion oneself and say, I am ready for this!” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

31. “I would be pleased to RSVP as…pending.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

32. “Allow me to offer you some advice. Take a thousand naked pictures of yourself now. You may currently think, “Oh, I’m too spooky,” or “Nobody wants to see these tiny boobies,” but believe me: one day you will look at those photos with much kinder eyes and say, ‘Dear God, I was a beautiful thing!’” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

Moira Rose quotes about family and parenting

33. “If airplane safety videos have taught me anything, David, it’s that a mother puts her own mask on first.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

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34. “I have lost all my skills. And now I know how it feels to be utterly helpless like you and your sister.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

35. “I want you to know, John, that you are the most important thing in this world to me. You know that, don’t you? And I include Caroline in that, and I’ve had that wig for 40 years.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

36. “My great grandmother took it from her husband when she left him and it has been passed down through all the women in my family as emergency currency in case we need to leave our husbands in the middle of the night.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

37. “Are we terrible parents?” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

38. “Oh, someone has to hold it together. There’s a time and place for sentimentality, and your only son’s wedding day is hardly the moment.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

39. “There once was a radiant young actress who dreamed of having two sons.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

40. “I’m afraid you and I have arrived at an awkward moment in our parent-child relationship…it seems that there are some nude photographs of me on the internet, and I would like you to search for them.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

Moira Rose quotes about her previous wealthy life 

41. “I worked in soaps. They had me play my own father, who then became pregnant despite the vasectomy. I still hold the record for the longest-running demonic possession on daytime television.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

42. “Okay, I’ve never ‘just packed a bag,’ so you might just have to give me a minute.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

43. “If there is anyone at this fabulous little confab who knows how to work a room of fragile egos, it’s me. I once hosted the non-televised portion of the People’s Choice Awards.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

44. “Is “tests” code for open-heart surgery? You can tell me, I once played a nurse on M.A.S.H.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

45. “All I can think about is the 22-foot Norwegian Pine we once had. And the protesters shouting at the flatbed truck as it made its way through our front gates. Now that was festive.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

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46. “The last time I felt this emotionally encumbered, I was playing Lady Macbeth on a Crystal Skies cruise ship during Shakespeare at Sea Week!” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

If you’re enjoying these quotes, make sure to read our collection of Macbeth quotes from the iconic play.

47. “Do you remember what Goldie Hawn told us at the amfAR dinner? ‘You are the life you accept for yourself.’ Those are Goldie’s words. Or something someone said to her. In India. Or perhaps she read it… In any case, it has always stayed with me.”– Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

48. “I know all about being left in the lurch for a fundraiser. Eva Longoria and I were supposed to perform our ventriloquist act for the Everybody Nose benefit for juvenile rhinoplasty, when she suddenly drops out due to exhaustion. I had to be both puppet and puppeteer.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

49. “Oh, I won’t wait for anyone’s decision. I once got Winnie Mandela to RSVP to an Artists Against Eczema benefit within the hour.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

50. “There are myriad tactics to boost numbers at your party! Well, you start by comping a few influential guests. You’d be shocked at how many celebrities show up to a thing with the promise of a free Wagyu slider.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

What do you love the most about Moira Rose?

Moira Rose’s hilarious personality quirks always keep me laughing. For example, I love her unconventional vocabulary. She’s always using these rare, five-dollar words that have me chuckling while I Google their meaning. These words always add an extra dash of drama, which probably connects back to her soap opera roots. 

As a person who has their fair share of wigs, I love her attachment to her wigs as well. Often, her wig steals the scene before she even gives her line. Moira Rose will definitely go into the hall of fame as one of the funniest TV moms ever. 

Which of these Moira Rose quotes and lines is your favorite? Who should we feature next on Everyday Power? Let us know below!

Nia Simone McLeod
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1 Comment
  1. G

    December 16, 2020 at 4:34 PM

    What about “We mustn’t count our poultry before it has incubated”

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