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50 Neurotic George Costanza Quotes about Nothing

George Costanza quotes to brighten your day.

George Costanza was a classic character from the show Seinfeld. George is that lovable, neurotic, impulsive, and often rude person that we all know. The thing is, I think we all have a little bit of George Costanza in us and that is what makes him so funny.

George is not the most popular guy and he doesn’t try his hardest, and honestly is not very caring, but what makes him so funny is when he feels disrespected… which is often.

When George Costanza feels disrespected, he will often go on one of those rants that made him famous. The best part is that he would often feel disrespected about something that the average person would not even notice, so it always made it interesting. Enjoy these George Costanza quotes!

Don’t forget to also check out these Seinfeld quotes that will make you giggle and say “ha”

Classic George Costanza quotes

1. “There is no bigger loser than me!” – George Costanza

2. “I don’t think I’ve ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.” – George Costanza

3. “When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy.” – George Costanza

4. “I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham.” – George Costanza

5. “I don’t want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless. When you’re hopeless, you don’t care. And when you don’t care, that indifference makes you attractive.” – George Costanza

6. “I’m much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs.” – George Costanza

7. “My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be.” – George Costanza

8. “Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.” – George Costanza

9. “My name is George. I’m unemployed and I live with my parents.” – George Costanza

10. “I proclaim this the summer of George.” – George Costanza

11. “All right. I guess I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and throw myself right back down again!” – George Costanza

12. “What am I scared of? I’m scared of the same thing that you are, everything.” – George Costanza

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13. “I love a good nap. Sometimes it’s the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.” – George Costanza

George Costanza quotes from your favorite episodes

14. “You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect.” – George Costanza

15. “I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter. I was raised to fail.” – George Costanza

16. “Well, the jerk store called, they’re running out of you.” – George Costanza

17. “I guarantee you that Moses was a picker. You wander through the desert for forty years with that dry air. You telling me you’re not going to have occasion to clean house a little bit?” – George Costanza

18. “Look, you don’t understand. There was shrinkage.” – George Costanza

19. “Oh, no thanks. I can’t drink coffee late at night. It keeps me up.” – George Costanza

20. “What’s so great about a mom and pop store? Let me tell you something, if my mom and pop ran a store I wouldn’t shop there.” – George Costanza

George Costanza quotes about relationships

21. “This woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her.” – George Costanza

22. “I’d rather be dating the blind. You know you could let the house go. You could let yourself go. A good-looking blind woman doesn’t even know you’re not good enough for her.” – George Costanza

23. “You know what I’ve come to realize? I’m not just bored. I genuinely dislike her.” – George Costanza

24. “Why is nice bad? What kind of sick society are we living in when nice is bad?” – George Costanza

25. “You’re giving me the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ routine? I invented ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’ Nobody tells me it’s them, not me. If it’s anybody, it’s me.” – George Costanza

26. “Divorce is very difficult. Especially on a kid. Of course, I’m the result of my parents having stayed together, so you never know.” – George Costanza

27. “If she can’t find me, she can’t break up with me.” – George Costanza

28. “I left three messages. I can’t believe this woman. She has sex with me, leaves ten minutes later, then I never hear from her again. What kind of person does this? I mean, she used me. I feel cheap and violated.” – George Costanza

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29. “A preemptive breakup. This is an incredible idea. I got nothing to lose. We either break up, which she would do anyway, but at least I go out with some dignity. Completely turn the tables. It’s absolutely brilliant.” – George Costanza

30. “Because I snubbed her. You see? Women, they like that! Yes! I understand women. The snub is good. They love the snub.” – George Costanza

31. “Well, we were engaged to be married. Uh, we bought the wedding invitations, and uh, yada yada yada, I’m still single.” – George Costanza

Have you seen these Jerry Maguire quotes that will make you want to scream ‘show me the money?’

Quirky George Costanza quotes

32. “I don’t trust men in capes.” – George Costanza

33. “Lunch is fine at the beginning, then you move on to dinner. You don’t move back to lunch. It’s like being demoted.” – George Costanza

34. “This is the kind of day that almost makes you feel good to be alive.” – George Costanza

35. “Who buys an umbrella anyway?” – George Costanza

36. “Hey, believe me, baldness will catch on. When the aliens come, who do you think they’re gonna relate to? Who do you think is going to be the first ones getting a tour of the ship?” – George Costanza

37. “You know, there are tribes in Indonesia where if you keep your coat on in somebody’s house, the families go to war.” – George Costanza

38. “But I’m disturbed. I’m depressed. I’m inadequate. I got it all!” – George Costanza

39. “I feel like my old self again. Totally inadequate, completely insecure, paranoid, neurotic. It’s a pleasure.” – George Costanza

40. “This thing is like an onion. The more layers you peel, the more it stinks.” – George Costanza

41. “I’ve never assisted in a birth before. It’s really quite disgusting.” – George Costanza

42. “Like I don’t know that I’m pathetic.” – George Costanza

More George Costanza quotes

43. “Instead of doing a wash, I just keep buying underwear. My goal is to have over 360 pair. That way I only have to do a wash once a year.” – George Costanza

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44. “It’s like those hip musicians with their complicated shoes.” – George Costanza

45. “Well, I just stomped some pigeons in the park. They—they didn’t move.” – George Costanza

46. “I must say, with all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization. In the past twenty years, you have caused myself, and the city of New York, a good deal of distress, as we have watched you take our beloved Yankees and reduce them to a laughing stock, all for the glorification of your massive ego!” – George Costanza

47. “You know, If you take everything I’ve accomplished in my entire life and condense it down into one day, it looks decent.” – George Costanza

48. “My whole life has been a complete waste of time.” – George Costanza

49. “Listen carefully. My mother has never laughed. Ever. Not a giggle, not a chuckle, not a tee-hee… never went ‘Ha!’” – George Costanza

50. “I think I can sum up the show for you with one word: nothing… The show is about nothing.” – George Costanza

Which of these George Costanza quotes is your favorite?

Hopefully, you have a better understanding of George Costanza after reading through his quotes. He was not the best looking or most interesting guy and he knew it and that led to a lot of his idiosyncrasies. Like a lot of the characters from Seinfeld, George’s over the top reactions would often get him and his friends into trouble.

During the show, we get to see glimpses of what makes George who he is. The show does a great job of introducing George’s parents and after meeting them you can see why he acts like he does.

Throughout most of the show, George also lives with his parents so we get to see that interaction quite often. If you have not had the opportunity to enjoy George Costanza, but would like some laughs, then at your first opportunity take a break, put on Seinfeld, and get ready to laugh.

Did you enjoy these George Costanza quotes and lines? Which of the quotes is your favorite? Let us know in the comment section below.

Stephanie Kirby
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