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Tommy Boy Quotes From the 90s American Cult Classic

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These Tommy Boy quotes capture some of the funniest conversations between Richard (Spade) and Tommy (Farley).

Tommy Boy is a 1995 American cult classic adventure comedy film directed and starring former Saturday Night Live castmates and close friends Chris Farley and David Spade.

The film tells the story of Tommy Callahan, a socially and emotionally immature man.

He learns lessons about friendship, self-worth, and business as he tries to resurrect the family company after the death of his father.

The film received mixed reviews from critics, but clearly, the fans loved it as the movie grossed $32.7 million.

There are also some self-deprecating and cringeworthy Tommy Boy quotes about his weight and intelligence.

His weight and lack of knowledge are a central theme in the film, but so is his growth and development as the film progresses.

Big Tom passes away at his wedding reception.

As it turns out, his new wife and her son are not really related.

Rather, they are a married con artist couple with criminal records.

Keep reading to see just how Tommy Boy saves the day!

Don’t forget to also check out these Smokey and The Bandit quotes from the 1977 film.

Check out our most popular quote article, a list of short inspirational quotes for daily inspiration. 

Check out our inspirational quotes category page for more inspirational life quotes.

Hilarious Tommy Boy movie quotes that will make you laugh

1. “Marty, find out where the police are going to be taking him. Send over a bottle of bubbly with a bucket of ice and a card. Have it say: Tough break, get drunk on me. Use the bucket to ice down your marbles, Yours, Z.” ― Ray Zalinsky

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Hilarious Tommy Boy movie quotes that will make you laugh

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2. “Brothers don’t shake hands. Brothers gotta hug.” ― Tommy Callahan

Tommy Boy quotes about brothers don't shake hands. Brothers gotta hug

You will also enjoy our article on Billy Madison quotes.

3. “Are you talking?” ― Richard Hayden

Tommy Boy quotes on are you talking

4. [runs into a glass wall] “Ow, That’s gonna leave a mark.” ― Tommy Callahan

Tommy Boy quotes and saying

5. “Richard, were you watching ‘spanktrovision’?” ― Tommy Callahan

Tommy Boy quotes about richard, were you watching ‘spanktrovision

6. “Him too afraid to get out. He just a little guy!” ― Tommy Callahan

Tommy Boy quotes about him too afraid to get out. he just a little guy

7. “If I wanted a kiss, I’d call your mother!” ― Tommy Callahan

Tommy Boy quotes about if i wanted a kiss, i’d call your mother

8. “Did I catch a ‘niner’ in there?” ― Richard Hayden

Tommy Boy quotes on did i catch a ‘niner’ in there

9. “I’m gonna go ask directions to our next huge, embarrassing failure.” ― Richard Hayden

Insightful Tommy Boy quotes

10. “Get yourself a new map.” ― Gas Station Employee

Tommy Boy quotes on get yourself a new map

11. [Regarding sarcasm]: “Well, I should hope so, because I’m laying it on pretty thick.” ― Richard Hayden

Unique Tommy Boy quotes

12. “These shoes are Italian. They’re worth more than your life.” ― Paul Barish

Tommy Boy quotes about these shoes are Italian. they're worth more than your life

13. “I wish we’d known each other… this is a little awkward.” ― Tommy Callahan

Tommy Boy quotes about i wish we'd known each other... this is a little awkward

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Inappropriate Tommy Boy quotes and lines about weight and intelligence that will make you cringe

14. Tommy: Does this suit make me look fat?

Richard: No, your face does.

15. “You better pray to the god of skinny punks that this wind doesn’t pick up, ’cause I’ll come over there, and jam an oar up your ass.” ― Tommy Callahan

Inappropriate Tommy Boy quotes and lines about weight and intelligence that will make you cringe

16. “Ugh, I can actually hear you getting fatter.” ― Richard Hayden

Tommy Boy quotes on ugh, I can actually hear you getting fatter

17. “Look mommy, the rhino’s getting too close to the car!” ― Richard Hayden

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Tommy Boy quotes on look mommy, the rhino’s getting too close to the car

18. “Do you know where the weight room is? I’ll check it out.” ― Tommy Callahan

Tommy Boy quotes about do you know where the weight room is? i’ll check it out

19. “Fat guy in a liiittle coat. Fat guy in a little coooat.” ― Tommy Callahan

Tommy Boy quotes about fat guy in a liiittle coat. fat guy in a little coooat

20. Kid in Bank: Hey, Mom! It’s the guy who robbed the bank.

Tommy: I didn’t rob any bank.

Kid in Bank: Oh, yeah, right. Like it was some other real fat guy with a tiny head.

Tommy: I got a tiny head?

21. Michelle: [holds up box of donuts] Want one?

Tommy: I’d better not. I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem. I used to grab

bear claws as a kid, two at a time, and I’d get them lodged right in this region here.

22. [the park bench collapses] “Could’ve done without that.” ― Tommy Callahan

Epic Tommy Boy quotes

23. “Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?” ― Paul Barish

Relatable Tommy Boy quotes

24. “I was just checking the specs on the end line for the… rotary… girder… I’m retarded.” ― Tommy Callahan

More Tommy Boy quotes

If you enjoy this article, check out our collection of Citizen Kane quotes from the controversial film.

Best Tommy Boy quotes about the butcher and animals

25. “Hey, I’ll tell you what. You can get a good look at a butcher’s ass by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn’t you rather to take his word for it?” ― Tommy Callahan

Best Tommy Boy quotes about the butcher and animals

Which of these Tommy Boy quotes is your favorite?

To stop his new corrupt “stepmom” Beverly and “stepbrother” Paul from selling the company to rival Zalinsky, Richard and Tommy embark on a quest to secure the sales the company needs.

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However, Paul sabotages them at every turn.

The pair try to gain access to the Zalinsky board room but are denied.

When Michelle arrives with Paul and Beverly’s police records, Tommy comes up with a plan.

He pretends to be a suicide bomber (using road flares) and attracts a live television news crew.

The unlikely trio of heroes forces their way into the boardroom.

Callahan workers watch the drama unfold on TV.

The workers watch on TV as Zalinsky signs Tommy’s purchase order for 500,000 brake pads.

Zalinsky scoffs at them, claiming the purchase order is moot because he will soon own Callahan Auto.

However, the police records confirm that Beverly and Paul are legally married, which makes her marriage to Big Tom null and void.

Controlling shares transfer to Tommy, who does not wish to sell the company, and calls in Zalinksy’s purchase order, saving the company from financial ruin.

What are your favorite Tommy Boy quotes and lines?

You can let us know in the comment section below.

Danielle Dahl, Managing Editor
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