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Grandma’s Boy Quotes From the Gamer and Stoner Comedy

Grandma’s Boy is a 2006 American stoner comedy film, as you will have probably guessed from these Grandma’s Boy quotes about weed.

The film was directed by Nicholaus Goossen, written by Barry Wernick, Allen Covert, and Nick Swardson, and starring Linda Cardellini, Allen Covert, Peter Dante, Shirley Jones, Shirley Knight, Joel David Moore, Kevin Nealon, Doris Roberts, and Nick Swardson.

The film has terrible reviews. In fact, it has a 16% out of a 100% on the Rotten Tomatoes scale. However, fans of the movie still find the film quite funny. It has Doris Roberts in it, so it can’t be all bad!

The main character, Alex (Allen Covert) is a single, 35-year-old gamer who lives with his friend Josh (Jonathan Loughran). The pair run into a bit of financial trouble and are unable to pay their rent. This leads to Alex moving in with his whacky grandma Lilly (Doris Roberts).

Alex, who is used to playing video games and smoking pot is suddenly surrounded by a bunch of meddling older women. Lilly quickly puts Alex to work with a list of chores around the house.

Keep reading through these Grandma’s Boy quotes for a good laugh and to see how the story ends!

Don’t forget to also check out these video game quotes that relate video games and real life.

Grandma’s Boy quotes from Alex

1. “Hey, JP. That’s a great outfit. How much do clothes cost in The Matrix?” — Alex

2. “My grandma drank all my pot.” — Alex

3. “Dude, your bed’s a car.” — Alex

4. “Don’t judge me monkey!” — Alex

5. “Dude, your ass is tanner than my face.” — Alex

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6. “You can’t get stoned and be an accountant, you make too many mistakes, you lose people millions of dollars, you get fired.” — Alex

7. “Oh, yes! Finally, a roommate who goes shopping.” — Alex

8. “I was like one of those little calves at the rodeo, all helpless.” — Alex

9. “At least I have a bush!” — Alex

10. “Dude, you do know that lions eat deer, right?” — Alex

Grandma’s Boy quotes from Jeff

11. “I can’t believe you came on my mom. You might be the biggest perv in the world right now.” — Jeff

12. “You were a dirty old whore.” — Jeff

13. “I’ll run over your attitude. It sucks.” — Jeff

14. “Hi, I’m Jeff. I have a bush too—it’s not grey.” — Jeff

15. “You’re dead to me, over.” — Jeff

16. “Nice karma, Guy-Blow.” — Jeff

17. “So, I mean, what’s it like being old? Its gotta be weird, right?” — Jeff

18. “That’s cool… if you wanna be sober and vomit.” — Jeff

19. “Do you have bathrooms here, or do I have to sh*t in a plant?” — Jeff

20. “Big news from the party… Barry sucked on his first boobie!” — Jeff

Grandma’s Boy quotes from J.P.

21. “Oh, yeah… Careful is my middle name, heh. Actually, it’s not, it’s Philip.” — J.P.

22. “But, underneath this genius… I’m simply a human. You know. But I’m working on that.” — J.P.

23. “It’s the future of gaming.” — J.P.

24. “I want to get you a black cobra just to go around the neck…” — J.P.

25. “I am not amused.” — J.P.

26. “I want you to drink from my man faucet.” — J.P.

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27. “All I’ve ever cared about was video games and they made me a millionaire. So maybe I don’t know what the Civil War was, or who invented the helicopter even though I own one, but I did beat The Legend of Zelda before I could walk.” — J.P.

28. “I’m thinking about getting metal legs. It’s a risky operation, but it’ll be worth it.” — J.P.

29. “Must ingest more fuel.” — J.P.

30. “You will never have metal legs.” — J.P.

Grandma’s Boy quotes from Dante

31. “The phone is for you. I think it’s the Devil!” — Dante

32. “This isn’t brown… I’m bronzed!” — Dante

33. “Hey chill bro, you know you can’t raise your voice like that when the lion is here!” — Dante

34. “It’s called the Brown Bomber. It’ll get you so stoned you’ll sh*t your pants!” — Dante

35. “Drive monkey, DRIVE!!!!” — Dante

36. “Shut up monkey, I’ve got company dude!” — Dante

37. “I feel like Tom Cruise in Cocktail!” — Dante

38. “It’s tequila! It’s supposed to f*** you up!” — Dante

39. “I got my yellow belt, monkey got his red belt…. he’s a quick learner!” — Dante

40. “I’m way too baked to drive to the Devil’s house!” — Dante

Grandma’s Boy quotes from other characters

41. “Yes, it sucks we don’t have alcohol, but we do serve shots of wheatgrass.” — Shiloh

42. “I know the food doesn’t sound good, but it tastes good and is good for you.” — Shiloh

43. “Let’s make fun of the vegans and their crazy lifestyle…. we’re not hurting anybody.” — Shiloh

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44. “I’m an antique.” — Bea

45. “Thanks, Alex. Maybe tomorrow you can introduce them to heroin.” — Grace

46. “Oh, you can stay as long as you like and love any man you choose!” — Grace

47. “I’ll give you my grandson’s number, he’s gay too.” — Grace

48. “I didn’t know you were bringing people. I would’ve trimmed my antlers!” — Grace

49. “You want an ice-cream sandwich? They’re on whole wheat with lettuce.” — Lilly

50. “I can hear my hair growing.” — Lilly

Grandmas can game too

Alex is also trying to start a relationship with his coworker Samantha but is in the middle of rivalry with fellow game designer J.P. They finally get done testing the game they are working on and Samantha tells J.P. she is not interested.

After a celebratory dinner for the success of their project, Alex comes home to find out that his grandma and her friends drank his pot. They thought it was tea! Samantha tells him she is a smoker, too.

Alex decides to call Dante (his dealer) and throw a wild party. J.P tries to steal a game concept that Alex was working on and pass it off as his own. Their boss does not believe Alex when he explains the game was his. That is until Lilly, who has already mastered the game, beats J.P. He is fired, and everyone lives happily ever after!

Did you enjoy reading these Grandma’s Boy quotes and sayings? What did you think of this movie? Is it worth watching? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Danielle Dahl, Lead Contributor
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