These stoner quotes will have you feeling those good vibes.
Whether you’re smoking a bowl after a long day, enjoying a sesh with some friends, or browsing the dispensary for a nug, these quotes will have you remembering that it’s always 4:20 somewhere.
Tell us your favorite stoner quote in the comment section below.
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What are the benefits of reading these stoner quotes?
If you’re passionate about cannabis, then sit back, relax, light up a blunt and enjoy our list of legendary stoner quotes.
Are you looking for the perfect Instagram captions for when you need to show off your new pipe to celebrity and movie quotes about weed? Maybe you want a good laugh. We’ve got you covered with these sayings.
These stoner quotes will:
- Help you better understand cannabis and why people use it
- Offer you a new perspective
- Make you laugh
- Help you learn and understand some new lingo
Also, check out our most popular quote article, a list of short inspirational quotes for daily wisdom.
See the rest of our quote database for even more inspirational ideas and thoughts.
Also, check out this Simple Guide to Rolling Joints and Blunts.
The best weed and stoner quotes for your Instagram captions
1. “If I study high, take the test high, I’ll get HIGH scores!” — How High
2. “Dude, am I really high, or is this actually working?” – Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle
3. “Is that a joint man? That there looks like a quarter-pounder.” — Cheech and Chong – Up in Smoke
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4. “A friend with weed is a friend indeed…”― Pops O’Donnell
5. “That is not a drug, it’s a leaf.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger
6. “I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints. And then I smoke two more.” – Sublime
7. “I don’t think [pot] is more dangerous than alcohol.” – Barack Obama
8. “The criminalization of cannabis did not prevent cannabis from becoming the most widely used illegal substance in the United States and many other countries. But it did result in extensive costs and negative consequences.” — Jerry Spiegel
9. “Let us burn one from end to end, and pass it over to me my friend.” – Ben Harper
10. “Of course I know how to roll a joint.” – Martha Stewart
Stoner quotes from celebrities
11. “Smoking helped put me in touch with the realm of the senses.” – Hugh Hefner
12. “I don’t consider weed to be any worse than having a beer.” – James Franco
13. “When you smoke herb, it reveals you to yourself.” – Bob Marley
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14. “Struggle is the enemy, but weed is the remedy.” – Kid Cudi
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15. “I got high, and forgot I wasn’t supposed to get high.” – Ricky Williams
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16. “When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point.” – Barack Obama
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18. “I have used cannabis all over the world.” – Rick Steves
19. “If you grew up in the ’60s or ’70s, and didn’t do drugs I don’t trust you.” – Danny Danko
20. “I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.” – Bill Murray
Stoner quotes from movies
21. “Smoke the marijuana and get high. Stay above the wicked and fly.” – Snoop Dogg
22. “Stop killing each other man. Let’s just smoke a blunt.” – Tupac
23. “Writing to me is like hitting the herb. No problems, Mon. No worries.”― A.K. Kuykendall
24. “It makes me feel the way I need to feel.” – Snoop Dogg
25. “It’s hard to be mean when you’re stoned.” – Bill Lee
26. “I never joined high school, I joined school high.” — Unknown
27. “A puff a day keeps the debauched attitude away.” — Unknown
28. “You either love weed, or you’re wrong.” — Unknown
29. “When in doubt, smoke it out.” — Unknown
30. “It’s CANnabis, not CAN’Tabis.” — Unknown
Stoner quotes about smoking weed
31. “We talk to each other in code. We said that 420 was a special number. It was a time. It was a date. It was a symbol for what we did for passive resistance.” – Rick Cusick
32. “You know what I’m really tired of is people getting arrested for the possession of marijuana. It’s just a plant. It makes no sense.” – Madeline Martinez
33. “People say you can abuse marijuana. Well shit, you can abuse cheeseburgers too, you know? You don‘t go around closing Burger King because you can abuse something.” – Joe Rogan
34. “If somebody gives me a joint, I might smoke it, but I don’t go after it.” — John Lennon
35. “New Rule: Stop putting psychedelic screensavers on computers. I sit down to check my email, and the next thing I know it’s three days later, I’m in the desert, I’m banging on a drum, I’m naked, and somebody’s pierced my dick.” — Bill Maher
36. “Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit unnatural?” — Bill Hicks
37. “It really puzzles me to see marijuana connected with narcotics … dope and all that crap. It’s a thousand times better than whiskey – it’s an assistant – a friend.” – Louis Armstrong
Funny stoner quotes and captions that will make you happy
38. “Is marijuana addictive? Yes, in the sense that most of the really pleasant things in life are worth endlessly repeating.” ― Richard Neville
39. “Marijuana saved my life. I have no doubts about it and you don’t need to show me any data.” – Greg Scott
40. “I’m trying to decide how stoned I am and just how on the verge of death am I right now. Like, am I seeing shit because I’m stoned or because I have no blood left in my body.” — Pineapple Express
41. “Smokin’ weed, smokin’ Wizz, / Doin’ coke, drinkin’ beers, / Drinkin’ beers, beers, beers, / Rollin’ fattys, smokin’ blunts, / Who smokes the blunts? / We smoke the blunts. / Rollin’ blunts and smokin’.” — Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back
42. “Littering and smoking the reefer. Now to teach you boys a lesson, me and officer Rabbit are going to stand here while you three smoke the whole bag” — Super Troopers
43. “I think people need to be educated about the fact that marijuana is not a drug. Marijuana is a herb and a flower. God put it here. If He put it here and He wants it to grow, what gives the government the right to say that God is wrong?” – Willie Nelson
44. “We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers…” – Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
45. “Why do I do it? Because I enjoy its effects. You know, I — why does anybody use any mind-altering substance, you know, because they like the way it makes them feel.” – Mark Stepnoski
46. “I have always loved marijuana. It has been a source of joy and comfort to me for many years. And I still think of it as a basic staple of life, along with beer and ice and grapefruits – and millions of Americans agree with me.” – Hunter S. Thompson
47. “Many artists and writers have used cannabis for creative stimulation – from the writers of the world’s religious masterpieces to our most irreverent satirists.” – Jack Herer
48. “Some of my finest hours have been spent on my back veranda, smoking hemp and observing as far as my eye can see.” – Thomas Jefferson
49. “Alcohol and marijuana, if used in moderation, plus loud, usually low-class music, make stress and boredom infinitely more bearable.” – Kurt Vonnegut
50. “I’ve been smoking marijuana for 44 years now, and … I think it’s a tremendous blessing.” – Lester Grinspoon
51. “I know you don’t smoke weed, I know this, but I’m gonna get you high today, ’cause it’s Friday; you ain’t got no job… and you ain’t got shit to do.” – Friday
52. “The only serious side-effect of marijuana is that you might get arrested.” – Alan watts
53. “They’ve outlawed the No. 1 vegetable on the planet.” – Timothy Leary
54. “The greatest service that can be rendered to any country is to add a useful plant to its culture.” – Thomas Jefferson
55. “The weed is for the people. It’s the people’s weed.” – Jonah Hill
Stoner quotes from song lyrics
56. “I be getting stoned, imma stone cold stoner.” — Jitsu Gaiden, Big Smoker
57. “I’m in the section with the stoner kids. This is for us stoner kids.” — Ali, Fusk
58. “Let that weed take our minds away. We got that stoner luv.” — Ppbtay, Stoner Luv
59. “Imma lonely stoner. All my life, ah loner. I’m smoking on this Ganja” — Dope Cashh, Lonely Stoner
60. “Grandpa Stoner, Grandpa Stoner. Is what I wanna be when I am 63.” — Airportface, Grandpa Stoner
61. “Stoner, stoner, you are a goner. Stick your needle in your arm while they suffer.” — Behind the Bars, Stoner
62. “Baby I’m a stoner gotta smoke when I awake. Baby I’m a loner when I smoke it’s to the face.” — DohBoy, Stoner
63. “Rollin’ like a stoner, I don’t care about everything. Out of control, I forgot to take my medicine.” — Vic Mensa, Rollin’ Like a Stoner
64. “I get so high I’m addicted to heights. I left that bitch and I didn’t say bye. I’m a stoner. I always got them stoner eyes.” — STRIPEZVU, Stoner Eyes
65. “The Lonely Stoner knows how to roll cause The Lonely Stoner’s always packing bowls. The Lonely Stoner knows how to smoke but The Lonely Stoner knows he’s alone.” — Zack Stone, The Lonely Stoner
Relatable stoner quotes
66. “I’ve smoked Marijuana most of my adult life.” – Drew Barrymore
67. “Everything is better with a bag of weed.” — Stewie Griffin
68. “Marijuana is not a drug!!! I used to suck dick for coke! You ever suck DICK for marijuana?” — Bob Saget
69. “If you substitute marijuana for tobacco and alcohol, you’ll add eight to 24 years to your life.” – Jack Herer
59. “A marijuana high can enhance core human mental abilities.” ― Sebastian Marincolo
60. “People say you can abuse marijuana. You can abuse cheeseburgers. Does that mean we should close Burger Kings.” – Joe Rogan
70. “We shall, by and by, want a world of hemp more for our own consumption.” — John Adams
71. “I smoked pot in college, and in the Army.” — Al Gore
72. “I think pot should be legal. I don’t smoke it, but I like the smell of it.” — Andy Warhol
73. “I’d always done a lot of sniffing glue as a kid. I was very interested in glue, and then I went to lager and speed, and I drifted into heroin because as a kid growing up everybody told me, ‘don’t smoke marijuana, it will kill you.’” — Irvine Welsh
74. “Make the most you can of the Indian Hemp seed and sow it everywhere.” — George Washington
75. “Hemp is of first necessity to the wealth & protection of the country.” — Thomas Jefferson
Stoner quotes for Instagram
76. “Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.” — Robin Williams
77. “I will Never give up the Ganja – God’s own weed.” – Morgan Freeman
78. “People in grass houses shouldn’t get stoned.” ― Brian Spellman
79. “Marijuana may not be addictive, but growing it is.” – Ed Rosenthal
80. “Marijuana is fuel for a creative mind.”― A.K. Kuykendall
81. “Even if one doesn’t smoke pot one has to see the benefits of decriminalizing it!” —Danny Devito
82. “Cannabis is just way too healthy for a sick health care system.”― Sebastian Marincolo
83. “Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.” — Bob Marley
Stoner Quotes That Calm Your Thoughts
84. “Sketchy: I’m no stranger to stoner logic.” ― Joss Whedon
85. “The biggest killer on the planet is stress and I still think the best medicine is and always has been cannabis.” ― Willie Nelson
86. “You know you’re a stoner when your friends make you a Bob Marley cake. You know you smoke way too much f–king weed!” ― Miley Cyrus
87. “You can stump any stoner with one question: What were we just talking about?” ― Jim Breuer
88. “Like a brain surgeon who drinks a martini when he’s not on call, the successful kids in your school may smoke pot on occasion, but they are not stoners.” ― Bill O’Reilly
89. “Dude, this is a stoner conversation and we’re not even high.” ― Libba Bray
90. “I’m a smoker, my name is Snoop Dogg, and I’m a stoner.” ― Snoop Dogg
91. “I love stoner comedies. I smoked weed in college, but I haven’t smoked in years.” ― Natalie Portman
92. “Stoners are cute; junkies are sad.” ― Kevin Smith
93. “With more and more states legalizing marijuana, companies are lining up to create the first marijuana breathalyzer. Officials say the toughest part is getting stoners to stop trying to inhale off the breathalyzer.” ― Jimmy Fallon
Stoner girl quotes
94. “I enjoy smoking cannabis and see no harm in it.” – Jennifer Aniston
95. “If everyone smoked weed, the world would be a better place.” – Kirsten Dunst
96. “I hope they legalize marijuana and when they do I’ll be the first fucking person in line to buy my pack of joints.” – Megan Fox
97. “I smoke a lot of pot when I write music.” – Lady Gaga
98. “Kush rolled, glass full. I prefer the better things!” – Rihanna
99. “Instead of taking five or six of the prescriptions, I decided to go the natural route and smoke marijuana.” – Melissa Etheridge
100. “I have no interest in smoking marijuana, but I can’t see any reason to keep someone of age from lighting up.” – Henry Rollins
101. “There’s [an] ironic, almost tragic phenomenon, which is that seniors, who are one of the groups who can most benefit from use of cannabis, are the single group which remains most opposed to reforming cannabis laws.” — Steve DeAngelo
Stoner Quotes To Accompany Your High Spirits
102. “Please don’t throw your shit at me…unless that shit resembles a bag of marijuana.” — Les Claypool
103. “I know you’re supposed to tell kids not to do drugs, but, kids, do it! Do weed! Don’t do the other stuff, but weed is good!” — Kevin Smith
104. “I don’t do drugs, though. Just weed.” — Dave Chappelle
105. “The weed is rolled, the drink is cold, for you its new for me its old.” — Wiz Khalifa
106. “I use weed to get rid of the pain and if I never used weed I would probably go insane.” — Tupac
107. “The day you quit sharing weed with a friend is the day you should quit smoking pot.” — Tommy Chong
108. “Music and herb go together. It’s been a long time now I smoke herb. From 1960’s, when I first start singing.” — Bob Marley
109. “With the joint you can see the inside of people.” — Yolanda Ramos
110. “My life was empty until I met you” – Sweet Leaf.” — Black Sabbath
111. “Smoke that dro, we gon smoke til we can’t no more. Smoke that weed good, we do the damn thing every weekend, weekend.” — Wale
Stoner Quotes To Make You Want To Get High
112. The illegality of cannabis is outrageous, an impediment to full utilization of a drug which helps produce the serenity and insight, sensitivity and fellowship so desperately needed in this increasingly mad and dangerous world.” — Carl Sagan
113. “You know that weed can really ease your mind. Every time I smoke good reefer that indo high makes me fly.” — Bone Thugs N Harmony
114. “Several states are now looking into the possibility of taxing marijuana as a source of revenue. That is so typical of the government, isn’t it? Trying to squeeze blood from a stoner.” — Jay Leno
115. “Stoners just got a powerful new ally in the fight to legalize marijuana – conservative broadcaster Pat Robertson. He said it’s time to ‘you know, legalize it, tax it, and keep it away from Mel Gibson.” — Craig Ferguson
116. “I actually don’t smoke weed, but I’ve played a lot of stoners – especially with Seth Rogen.” — James Franco
117. “Only those who’re high on the herb can truly appreciate Marley. Lean back, enjoy life and really listen to him. ‘…every little thing gonna be alright…” — A.K. Kuykendall
118. “I’d like to see the government back a program of research into the medical properties of cannabis and I do not object to its responsible use as a recreational relaxant.” — Sir Richard Branson
119. “I can relate to anyone. I can hang out with stoners, skaters, surfers, stockbrokers, lawyers, athletes, rappers. I feel I can hang out with any group of people and find common ground to talk with them.” — Barry Zito
120. “Unquestionably, this drug is very useful to the artist, activating trains of association that would otherwise be inaccessible, and I owe many of the scenes in Naked Lunch directly to the use of cannabis.” — William Burroughs
121. “I watched a lot of pot movies before we did this [Pineapple Express]. My favorites were always the characters in movies that weren’t necessarily in stoner movies.” — Seth Rogen
Stoner Quotes for a Mindblowing Feeling
122. “[Marijuana] It doesn’t have a high potential for abuse, and there are very legitimate medical applications. In fact, sometimes marijuana is the only thing that works.” — Dr. Sanjay Gupta
123. “We have receptors in our brain as you well know and when you ingest marijuana, I believe that it essentially gives you a reboot.” — Tommy Chong
124. “I tried marijuana once. I did not inhale.” — Bill Clinton
125. “I don’t know what my assistant would do besides get me pot.” — Zach Galifianakis
126. “Hashish will be, indeed, for the impressions and familiar thoughts of the man, a mirror which magnifies, yet no more than a mirror.” — Charles Baudelaire
127. “The best pitch I ever heard about cocaine was back in the early eighties when a street dealer followed me down the sidewalk going: I got some great blow man. I got the stuff that killed Belushi.” — Denis Leary
128. “I love marijuana – Mary Jane – and you can print that! I smoke it every day and it’s the greatest thing since ice cream and I’m not afraid to say it.” — Rick James
129. “To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a big mistake.” — Bill Hicks
130. “Relax and take notes while I take tokes of the marijuana smoke.” — The Notorious B.I.G.
131. “So when he asked about getting high, I didn’t think, I agreed. We smoked some good California green. Took three tries to put me in the place he said I should be.” — Ellen Hopkins
Stoner Quotes for the Cannabis Enthusiast
132. “Smoke weed every day.” ― Wiz Khalifa
133. “And the blunts and liquor killing our lungs and liver. The asthmatic drug-addict, I function with it.” ― Black Thought
134. “A message to parents who think legalizing weed will make their kids want to try it: they will anyway.” ― Doug Benson
135. “Hoping they bury me with ammunition, weed, and shells. Just in case.” ― Tupac Shakur
136. “You’ll always see me at a political rally and the black strip club; I’m gonna represent smoking weed and supporting Trayvon Martin on my record, because I’m a whole man.” ― Killer Mike
137. “Neither do thou lust after that tawny weed tobacco.” ― Ben Jonson
138. “I smoke weed, of course. That’s like meditation for me. Watching movies is a really good escape as well.” ― Wiz Khalifa
139. “I do a lot of smiling. Friends. Weed.” ― Mod Sun
140. “In my spare time, I smoke acres of weed.” ― Kevin Smith
141. “I can’t work without a Good L.A. weed. That’s the thing you miss the most.” ― Flying Lotus
Exploring the Philosophy of Pot with Stoner Quotes
142. “Back in the old days we used to smoke J’s and got so blazed we called it the stone age.” ― Illmaculate
143. “Look, I have never made a secret of the fact that I have tried marijuana… About 50,000 times.” ― Bill Maher
144. I smoked some weed, and that’s how I finished ‘Izzo.'” ― Jay-Z
145. “I don’t smoke much pot anymore.” ― Seth MacFarlane
146. “Pot always just made me sleepy.” ― Bryan Cranston
147. “Do you know how many movies I wrote when I was high?” ― Jon Stewart
148. “Most of the players in the league use marijuana, and I have and do partake in smoking weed in the offseason sometimes.” ― Josh Howard
149. “I like to take a puff or two before going on the air. I still get stage fright when I have to perform. A little grass gets rid of the problem.” ― Bob Denver
150. “Burnin marijuana pon di corner, It keep me calmer, It mek me smarter. Burnin pon di highway, its the highest grade, gettin into my head.” ― Richie Spice
151. “Think I’ll roll another number for the road.” ― Neil Young
Stoner Quotes that Go Beyond the High
152. “I did experiment with marijuana when I was a youth.” ― Andrew Cuomo
153. “As for drugs – well, Gates was certainly not unusual there. Marijuana was the pharmaceutical of choice.” ― Bill Gates
154. “I’m rockin’ PJ’s and no shirt. I smoke weed, eat yogurt.” ― Mac Miller
155. “What’s to keep somebody from getting all potted up on weed and then getting behind the wheel?” ― Steve Doocy
156. “I wouldn’t answer the marijuana questions. You know why? Because I don’t want some little kid doing what I tried.” ― George H. W. Bush
157. “The one that has the worst effect for me was pot. I felt silly and giggly – I hate feeling like that.” ― Angelina Jolie
158. “Please pass me the peace weed, and take some heed. Throw away all that mixed up speed.” ― Jimi Hendrix
159. “For Zen students, a weed is a treasure.” ― Shunryu Suzuki
160. “I don’t advise kids to do what I do. I’m just doing me. I just smoke a little weed and do a little drink.” ― Juicy J
161. “I smoke weed.It’s not an addiction. It’s something I wanna do. It’s not smart though. It’s not good for my body but I’m doing it. I’m not telling people to do it.” ― Schoolboy Q
162. The mouth can be better engaged than with a cylinder of rank weed.” — James Joyce
163. “And weed’s not a drug – that’s denial.” — Macklemore
164. “Rolex, mo sex, good weed, no stress, run my town, arms, chest, lift weights, bowflex.” — Wiz Khalifa
165. “Never take ecstasy, beer, baccardi, weed, pepto bismol, vivarin, tums, tagamet hb, xanax, and valium in the same day. It makes it difficult to sleep at night.” — Eminem
166. “Oh, you a E head, oh, you a weed head. I got a big gun, bigger than Maxi Priest dread.” — Sean Price
167. “All of your brain cells rotting from weed, feeling like if you ain’t got it life’s not as complete.” — Hopsin
168. Get my kush in California, Get my dro from Arizona.” — Lil Wayne
169. “I’ll smoke weed occasionally, on special occasions like a movie night or something. I like to drink beer but whenever it comes to hard drugs, I really believe that they hurt your body, deplete your energy.” — Christofer Drew
170. “Lethal like venomous snake bites the marijuana makes my eyes bright red like brake lights.” — Canibus
171. “Will I, succeed, paranoid from the weed and hocus pocus, try to focus but I can’t see.” — Tupac Shakur
What kind of stoner are you?
People have been smoking weed for centuries, but now that it’s legal, a lot more people are getting their hands on some grass.
So, what kind of stoner does that make you?
Are you a noob?
Someone who just started smoking and is new to learning the ins and outs of the pot world?
Or are you a Rastafarian?
To you, weed is life.
Life is weed.
The philosopher needs to know the deeper meaning of things and uses cannabis to discover that meaning.
The McGuyver can turn anything into a pipe.
And the marijuana connoisseur knows everything there is to know about pot.
No matter what kind of stoner you are, we hope you enjoyed these stoner quotes and sayings.
Let us know your favorite quote in the comments below!