25 Homer Simpson Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

This collection of Homer Simpson quotes is sure to make you laugh and appreciate The Simpsons!

Share your favorite Homer Simpson quote with us in the comment section below!

Homer Simpson, the patriarch of the Simpson clan, has been gracing us with his on-screen presence since 1987.

Dan Castellaneta, the voice of Homer, debuted the character in The Tracey Ullman Show short “Good Night” on April 19.

The family was a big hit, and The Simpsons became an icon of the 90s.

Homer and his wife, Marge, have three children: Bart, Lisa, and Maggie.

He is a blue-collar nuclear power plant worker.

Poor Homer has some personality flaws, like the fact that he is lazy, aggressive, and immature.

His eating habits and drinking problem also cause him issues, but he is inherently a good man.

The stereotypes played up in the show provide comedy, while depicting a man trying to take care of his family.

He is a protector, and his family knows they can count on him.

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If you love this quote collection, read out our most popular quote article about short inspirational quotes for daily motivation. 

If you need more inspirational quotes, check out our motivational quotes category page.

Top Homer Simpson quotes about alcohol and marriage

1. “Marriage is like a coffin, and each kid is another nail.” ― Homer Simpson

2. “To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.” ― Homer Simpson

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3. “No, actually a woman is more like a beer. They smell good; they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one.” ― Homer Simpson

4. “Yes, honey… Just squeeze your rage up into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit the referee with the whiskey bottle.” ― Homer Simpson

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Best Homer Simpson quotes about life and work

5. “If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing.” ― Homer Simpson

6. “Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.” ― Homer Simpson

7. “I don’t know, Marge. Trying is the first step towards failure.” ― Homer Simpson

8. “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.” ― Homer Simpson

9. “A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid centre.” ― Homer Simpson

10. “Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.” ― Homer Simpson

11. “What’s the point of going out? We’re just gonna wind up back here, anyway.” ― Homer Simpson

12. “Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you’re prejudiced against all races.” ― Homer Simpson

13. “People can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 40% of all people know that.” ― Homer Simpson

14. “In America, first you get the sugar. Then you get the money. Then you get the power. Then you get the women.” ― Homer Simpson

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15. “Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.” ― Homer Simpson

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Homer Simpson quotes about donuts

16. “Mmm mmm… donuts.” ― Homer Simpson

17. “It’s donut o’clock time anytime.” ― Homer Simpson

18. “Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?” ― Homer Simpson

19. “Give me liberty or… OOOO… a jelly donut!” ― Homer Simpson

20. “Don’t tell me how to eat donuts!”  ― Homer Simpson ( as he is choking on a donut)

21. “Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2%, and it’s all because of my motivational techniques, like donuts and the possibility of more donuts to come.” ― Homer Simpson

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Funny Homer Simpson quotes and sayings

22. “Operator! Give me the number for 911!” ― Homer Simpson

23. “Step aside, everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. ‘Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.’” ― Homer Simpson

24. “Oh yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?” ― Homer Simpson

25. “Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever…thy will be done.” ― Homer Simpson

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Did you enjoy these Homer Simpson quotes?

Although he is mundanely living the ‘American Dream,’ the show chronicles many of Homer’s crazy experiences, including fighting President Bush.

In 2010, Entertainment Weekly named him the second greatest character “of the last 20 years” getting beat out by Bugs Bunny.

Homer’s age is not consistent throughout the show.

He starts the series out being 34 and ranges anywhere between there and 40 depending on the season.

Homer’s creator, Matt Groening, named the character after his dad.

According to Groening, “Homer originated with my goal to both amuse my real father, and just annoy him a little bit. ”

“My father was an athletic, creative, intelligent filmmaker and writer, and the only thing he had in common with Homer was a love of donuts.”

Homer had a contentious relationship with his son Bart for the first part of the series, but that seemed to stem from Homer’s fear that his family would embarrass him.

After the first few seasons, writers toned down Homer’s aggressiveness, making him more likable and concerned for his family.

Do you have any Homer Simpson quotes and lines that you would like to add?

Leave them in the comment section below.

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  1. Steven M. Chatterton

    January 19, 2022 at 9:10 PM

    “I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T!”

    “Oh, they have the Internet on computers now.”

    Homer: Why am I such a loser?
    Bart: Well, your father was a loser, and his father, and his father. It’s genetics, man.
    (realizes that genetics will affect him, too)
    Bart: Do’h!

  2. Mark davis

    August 3, 2021 at 7:17 AM

    “Honey, I have great news, I’ve learned to walk naked on stilts”

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