50 Funny Schitt’s Creek Quotes From the Emmy-Winning Comedy (2020)
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50 Hilarious Schitt’s Creek Quotes From the Emmy-Winning Comedy

Published on November 3, 2020 7:00 AM EST
50 Hilarious Schitt’s Creek Quotes From the Emmy-Winning Comedy

The award-winning Canadian sitcom Schitt’s Creek has received critical and commercial acclaim throughout its six-season run. Below are 50 of the best Schitt’s Creek quotes to help you relive the hilarious adventures of the Rose family. 

What’s your favorite episode of Schitt’s Creek? 

Schitt’s Creek documents the riches-to-rags story of the wealthy Rose family. They include former CEO of a video rental store company Johnny, former soap opera star Moira, along with their two adult children David and Alexis.

50 Hilarious Schitt’s Creek Quotes From the Emmy-Winning Comedy

Over the show’s 5-year run, Schitt’s Creek has won a long list of awards including multiple Primetime Emmy Awards and Canadian Screen Awards. 

Dive back into the lives of the Rose family and reminisce below!

Don’t forget to also check out these classic The Sandlot quotes from Ham, Smalls, and more.

Schitt’s Creek quotes from Johnny Rose (Eugene Levy)

1. “Tweet us on Facebook!” – Johnny Rose (Eugene Levy)

2. “You see, I’ve got a closet full of suits, but, uh, I don’t wanna be taken advantage of because I’m overdressed, I need to look like I don’t have money.” – Johnny Rose (Eugene Levy)

3. “Talk to the hand, son, because the ears are no longer working.” – Johnny Rose (Eugene Levy)

4. “Well, David, these kids of parties take time and planning. Now, when I planned that Casablanca-themed party for your mother’s 40th, I had to quarantine the camels for a month.” – Johnny Rose (Eugene Levy)

5. “Hope you’re enjoying the cinnamon buns and vodka. We thought it was festive in a Scandinavian sort of way.” – Johnny Rose (Eugene Levy)

6. “You know, I remember when Alexis was just a chubby-faced little girl racing around the house in that banned baby walker, and now she’s spending time In a drug lord’s trunk?” – Johnny Rose (Eugene Levy)

7. “A hashtag? Is that two words?” – Johnny Rose (Eugene Levy)

Schitt’s Creek quotes from David Rose (Dan Levy)

8. “I’m trying very hard not to connect with people right now.” – David Rose (Dan Levy)

9. “I haven’t bedazzled anything since I was 22.” – David Rose (Dan Levy)

10. “Very uninterested in that opinion.” – David Rose (Dan Levy)

11. The North Korean army could not keep my mother under control when it comes to event planning.” – David Rose (Dan Levy)

12. “Like Beyonce, I excel as a solo artist and my mom dressed me well into my teens.” – David Rose (Dan Levy)

13. “I’m starting to feel like I’m trapped in an Avril Lavigne lyric here.” – David Rose (Dan Levy)

14. “I could not be more at one with nature. I do Coachella every year.” – David Rose (Dan Levy)

15. “I plan on popping a pill, crying a bit, and falling asleep early.” – David Rose (Dan Levy)

16. “The idea of me life coaching another human being should scare you. A lot.” – David Rose (Dan Levy)

17. “You might want to rethink the nightgown first — there’s a whole Ebenezer Scrooge thing happening. My best to Bob Cratchet.” – David Rose (Dan Levy)

18. “Come in, come in. Make yourself at home. There’s nothing in the fridge, and I marked the booze so I’ll know if you touch it!” – David Rose (Dan Levy)

19. “It’s just one long string of really bad luck and I don’t know what kind of carnage I inflicted in my past life to deserve it. I must have been Dracula or a spin instructor or something.” – David Rose (Dan Levy)

20. “He told me he doesn’t want my help, so I’m just going to play the supportive partner and watch him fail.” – David Rose (Dan Levy)

21. “Fall off a bridge, please.” – David Rose (Dan Levy)

22. “I’ve been burned so many times I’m like the human equivalent of the inside of a roasted marshmallow.” – David Rose (Dan Levy)

23. “I was perfectly fine not trusting people. Not trusting people is what I’m used to. It is my comfort zone.” – David Rose (Dan Levy)

Schitt’s Creek quotes from Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

24. “Oh, I’d kill for a good coma right now.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

25. “A heavy salad might as well be a casserole.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

26. “This wine is awful. Get me another glass.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

27. “If airplane safety videos have taught me anything, David, it’s that a mother puts her own mask on first.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

28. “I worked in soaps. They had me play my own father, who then became pregnant despite the vasectomy. I still hold the record for the longest-running demonic possession on daytime television.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

29. “I have lost all my skills. And now I know how it feels to be utterly helpless like you and your sister.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

30. “What you did was impulsive, capricious and melodramatic, but it was also wrong.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

31. “If there is anyone at this fabulous little confab who knows how to work a room of fragile egos, it’s me. I once hosted the non-televised portion of the People’s Choice Awards.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

32. “David, stop acting like a disgruntled pelican.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

33. “Let’s go. I’ve had enough waking hours for one day.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

34. “You must prepare for life, and whatever it will throw at you. The opportunities will diminish, and the ass will get bigger. Oh, you can bet your bottom dollar it will! Especially yours. You’re going to have a huge ass.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

35. “Gossip is the devil’s telephone. Best to just hang up!” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

36. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but is this car your home?” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

37. “Children, keep an eye on these bags. Apparently, in hell, there’s no bellman!”  – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

38. “Why should I be the only one encumbered with this emotional cargo?” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

39. “Is “tests” code for open-heart surgery? You can tell me, I once played a nurse on M.A.S.H.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

40. “Sadly it’s not custom this time around, Alexis. Mommy had to shop off the rack. Fortunately, I discovered something called a promo code.” – Moira Rose (Catherine O’Hara)

Schitt’s Creek quotes from Alexis Rose (Annie Murphy)

41. “I don’t skate through life, David. I walk through life, in really nice shoes.” – Alexis Rose (Annie Murphy)

42. “I miss being surrounded by loose acquaintances who think I’m funny and smart and charming.” – Alexis Rose (Annie Murphy)

43. “What now? Do I leave everything behind and move to some random island to be with the love of my life? Because I did that with Harry Styles in England, and it was, like, too rainy.” – Alexis Rose (Annie Murphy)

44. “Hide your diamonds, hide your exes…I’m a little bit Alexis.” – Alexis Rose (Annie Murphy)

45. “Trust me, no one is thinking about you the way that you’re thinking about you.” – Alexis Rose (Annie Murphy)

46. “You know what, David, you get murdered first for once.” – Alexis Rose (Annie Murphy)

47. “I didn’t go missing, David. The FBI knew where I was the entire time.” – Alexis Rose (Annie Murphy)

48. “Every time I did that with a boyfriend, I’d send him off with someone who like wasn’t a threat. Like, Pippa Middleton or Rihanna.” – Alexis Rose (Annie Murphy)

49. “I don’t want to brag, but Us Weekly once described me as ‘up for anything.’” – Alexis Rose (Annie Murphy)

50. “Ew, David!” – Alexis Rose (Annie Murphy)

What do you love about your favorite TV shows? 

Schitt’s Creek is a master at juggling gut-busting comedy along with emotional drama. You may have come for the funny jokes, but you’ll stay for the friendships, romance, and familial bonds that Schitt’s Creek highlights. 

Although the Rose family may seem larger-than-life, those deep connections are what make the show universally relatable. That’s why audiences keep coming back for more, time and time again. Be sure to share these quotes with your favorite Schitt’s Creek fan! 

Which of these Schitt’s Creek quotes and sayings is your favorite? Which TV show should we feature next on Everyday Power? Let us know your thoughts below!

50 Hilarious Schitt’s Creek Quotes From the Emmy-Winning Comedy
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